Choices in Relationships Chapter Eight: Marriage Relationships

Motivations for and Functions of Marriage Individual Motivations for Marriage –Love –Personal Fulfillment –Companionship –Parenthood –Economic Security

Motivations for and Functions of Marriage Societal Functions of Marriage –The primary function of marriage is to bind a male and female together who will reproduce, provide physical care for their dependent young, and socialize them to be productive members of society who will replace those who die. –Additional functions include regulating sexual behavior and stabilizing adult personalities by providing a companion and “in house” counselor.

Motivations for and Functions of Marriage

Marriage as a Commitment Person-to-Person Commitment –Individuals commit themselves to someone whom they love, with whom they feel a sense of equality, and who they feel is the best of the alternative persons available to them. Family-to-Family Commitment –Marriage also involves commitments by each of the marriage partners to the family members of the spouse.

Marriage as a Commitment Should a Married Couple Have Their Parents Live with Them? –Asian couples reared in extended family contexts expect to take care of their parents and consider it an honor to do so. –As the parents of American spouses get older, a decision must often be made by the spouses about whether to have the parents live with them.

Marriage as a Commitment Couple-to-State Commitment –In addition to making person-to-person and family-to-family commitments, spouses become legally committed to each other according to the laws of the state in which they reside. –This means they cannot arbitrarily decide to terminate their own marital agreement.

Marriage as a Rite of Passage Weddings –The wedding is a rite of passage that is both religious and civil. –Whereas love is a private experience, marriage is a public experience in the United States. –It is no longer unusual for couples to have weddings that are neither religious nor traditional.

Marriage as a Rite of Passage Weddings: Some Data on College Student Perceptions 1.Women prepare more. 2.The wedding is for the bride’s family. 3.The bride wants the wedding documented. 4.The bride prefers a formal wedding. 5.Both parents should be invited if they are still married. 6.Racial background affects perception of who should pay for the wedding.

Marriage as a Rite of Passage Honeymoons –The functions of the honeymoon are both personal and social. –The personal function is to provide a period of recuperation from the usually exhausting demands of preparing for and being involved in a wedding ceremony and reception. –The social function is to provide a time for the couple to be alone to solidify the change in their identity from that of an unmarried to a married couple.

Changes after Marriage Personal Changes –The married person also begins adopting new values and behaviors consistent with the married role. –Other changes that a couple experience when they marry follow: 1.Change in how money is spent. 2.Discovering that one’s mate is different from one’s date. 3.Experiencing loss of freedom.

Changes after Marriage Parents, In-laws, and Friendship Changes –Parents are likely to be more accepting of the partner following the wedding. –Less time will be spent with friends because of the new role demands as a spouse.

Changes after Marriage Is “Partner’s Night Out” a Good Idea? –For partner’s night out to have a positive impact on the couple’s relationship, it is important that the partners maintain emotional and sexual fidelity to each other, that each partner have a partner’s night out, and that the partners spend some nights alone with each other.

Changes after Marriage Legal Changes –Unless the partners have signed a prenuptial agreement, once two individuals become spouses, each automatically becomes part owner of what the other earns in income and accumulates in property. Sexual Changes –The number of sexual partners will decrease, and the frequency with which they have sex with each other will decrease.

Changes after Marriage Interactional Changes –Across time, men change from being patriarchal to collaborating with their wives and women change from deferring to their husbands’ authority to challenging that authority. –Other changes include less focus on each other and less sex.

Racial and Cultural Marital Diversity African-American Marriages –Black families may be described in terms of their unique strengths, including strong kinship bonds, favorable attitudes toward their elderly, adaptable roles, strong achievement orientations, strong religious values, and a love of children.

Racial and Cultural Marital Diversity Mexican-American Marriages –The Husband-Wife Relationship 1.Male dominance 2.Female submissiveness –Strong Familistic Values

Racial and Cultural Marital Diversity Native American Marriages 1.They tend to marry young. 2.Little stigma is attached to having a child without being married. 3.Intermarriage rates are the highest of any racial group. 4.Divorce among Native Americans is regarded as a less traumatic event and is usually not associated with guilt and recriminations. 5.Elders are viewed as important and are looked up to.

Racial and Cultural Marital Diversity Native American Marriages 6. Extended families are the norm. 7. Role relationships between husbands and wives are becoming less traditional as Native American women become increasingly involved in working outside the home. 8. Native American family values include concern for the group, generosity, and disdain for material possessions.

Racial and Cultural Marital Diversity Asian- and Pacific Islander-American Marriages –Confucian principles emphasized superiority of husbands and elders over wives and children. Interracial Marriages –Interracial marriages are rare in the United States—less than 5 percent of all marriages in the United States are interracial.

Racial and Cultural Marital Diversity Interreligous Marriages –Although religion may be a central focus of some individuals and their marriage, Americans in general have become more secular, and as a result religion has become less influential as a criterion for selecting a partner. Cross-National Marriages –Since American students take classes with foreign students, there is the opportunity for dating and romance between the two groups, which may lead to marriage.

Racial and Cultural Marital Diversity Age-Discrepant Relationships and Marriages –Age-discrepant relationships are happy. –Age-discrepant relationships lack social approval and support. –Age-discrepant relationships are not without problems. –Women perceive benefits from involvement with older partners. –Friends of the couple are joint friends.

Successful Marriages Definition of a Successful Marriage –Marital success is measured in terms of marital stability and marital happiness. –Couples defined marital happiness as feeling respected and cherished. –They also regarded their marriage as a work in progress that needed continued attention lest it become stale.

Successful Marriages Characteristics of Successful Marriages 1.Commitment 2.Common interests 3.Communication 4.Religiosity 5. Trust 6. Finances and work 7. Role models 8. Low stress levels 9. Sexual desire