Social Comparisons

The second way our self-concept is formed is through a process called Social Comparisons. As we grow, we begin to make judgments about ourselves by comparing ourselves to other people.

We look at our abilities versus their abilities.

We look at our physical makeup versus their physical makeup.

We look at our social position versus their social position.

Have you ever noticed, those of you who are involved in competitive activities, that we’re very selective about whom we want to compete against? We don’t want to play people we just blow away every time we play them. That’s no fun! But it’s also not fun to play people who blow us away every time we play them, either. The truth is that we want to compete against people who are at least somewhat close to us in ability.

Social comparisons…we learn that we’re fat or skinny, fast or slow, rich or poor, tall or short etc. as we compare ourselves to others.

When we were kids and others said hurtful things to us, we liked to say, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!” But that’s not true! Words do hurt us…very much!

Reflected Appraisals That brings up the third way in which our self- concept is formed: Reflected Appraisals. Reflected appraisals are the way we think that others are thinking about us!

In other words, as I stand up here today, I’m probably wondering what you think about me! My concerns about what you are thinking will probably influence the way I behave. Researchers have discovered that many, if not most, of our behaviors are motivated by our concerns about what others will think about us!

We think: “Man, I’ve got to drink with these guys. If I don’t they’ll think I’m a nerd!” Or…”You know, I really like him/her, but what will everybody think if they see me hanging out with him/her?!” We say” I don’t care what everybody thinks about me!” Not! We care very much what other people are thinking about us.

Think about the way we walk in the halls at school… the clothes we wear…the way we talk to people… the cologne/perfume we wear…our hair style…the jewelry. All of these behaviors reveal how very concerned we are about the way others perceive us! This is natural. All of us do it to some degree. The important thing is that we realize why we do it, and that we are not consumed with it to the point that we do unhealthy things in order to please people.