Managing Conflict in Relationships

Topics covered Defining Interpersonal Conflict Principles of Conflict Orientations to Conflict Responses to Conflict Communication Patterns During Conflict Social Media and Conflict Guidelines for Effective Communication During Conflict

you should be able to... Define interpersonal conflict. List six principles of conflict. Identify your orientations to conflict. Identify your preferred responses to conflict. Evaluate when you can ethically exit conflict that takes place in social media. Apply chapter guidelines to increase your ability to recognize and engage in conflict productively.

Defining Interpersonal Conflict When people in “I-You” or “I-Thou” relationships have different views, interests, or goals and feel a need to resolve those differences  Expressed disagreement  Interdependence  The felt need for resolution

Principles of Conflict 1. Conflict is natural in relationships 2. Conflict may be expressed overtly or covertly  Passive aggression  Games –“Blemish” –“NIGYYSOB” –“Mine Is Worse Than Yours” –“Yes, But”

Principles of Conflict 3. Social groups share the meaning of conflict behaviors  Cultural differences regarding conflict  Differences among social communities 4. Conflict can be managed well or poorly 5. Conflict can be good for individuals and relationships

Orientations to Conflict Lose-Lose Win-Lose Win-Win

Responses to Conflict The exit response (refuse to talk) The neglect response The loyalty response The voice response

Communication Patterns During Conflict Unproductive Conflict Communication Constructive Conflict Communication Conflict Management Skills

Unproductive Communication Patterns During Conflict The early stages (3 min., listen poorly, unproductive)  Communication that fails to confirm individuals  Cross-complaining (dual perspective is low & defensiveness is high)  Negative climate and mind reading The middle stages  Kitchen-sinking  Frequent interruptions

Unproductive Conflict Communication The later stages  Counterproposals  Excessive miscommunication

Constructive Communication Patterns During Conflict The early stages  Communicators confirm each other by recognizing and acknowledging each other’s concerns and feelings The middle stages  Stay focused on main issues (agenda building)  Bracketing (deal with them later)  Don’t interrupt except for clarification  Recognize and acknowledge each other’s point of view The later stages  Contracting

Constructive - Unproductive Communication

Conflict Management Skills Attend to the relationship level of meaning Communicate supportively Listen mindfully Own your feelings, thoughts, and issues Check perceptions Look for points of agreement Look for ways to preserve the other’s face Imagine how you will feel in the future

Guidelines for Effective Communication During Conflict Focus on the overall communication system Time conflict purposefully Aim for win-win conflict Honor yourself, your partner, and the relationship Show grace when appropriate