Love who you Are Chapter 3

Effective People… Have learned to love themselves, to have high self esteem. Self-esteem is defined as the relationship you have with yourself, the degree to which you regard yourself in a positive or negative light. Self-esteem has to do with how you judge or evaluate yourself.

Self-concept Your paradigm about your self is reflected in how you might describe yourself Your ideal self is the person you feel you should be. A discrepancy exists between your ideal self and your real self (the person you actually are).

Why is self-esteem important in effectiveness? When you have faith in yourself, it enhances your ability to do your best, which in turn improves your performance and further reinforces your good feelings about yourself.

And low self-esteem….. Is a circular, self-defeating process in which your negative feelings about yourself result in negative attitudes in general. These negative attitudes then become a driving force in your negative behaviors. These negative behaviors promote negative feelings, and the cycle continues, and so on.

Inferiority complex Individuals with chronically low self- esteem, suffer from an inferiority complex (Alfred Adler).

Take a second to read this… When you have arrived, you don’t have to shout. What does that mean to you?

What is self-worth? How does one measure self-worth? By the car you drive? By the clothes you wear? By the people you hang out with?

Reality is….. Self-worth is based on nothing. Self-worth is a given, a birth right You are worthy because you are a unique individual You are worthy because you are a human being You must consider yourself as a good, kind and caring individual, despite your faults.

Do the self-esteem assessment on page 45.

The Pathological Critic That negative inner voice that attacks and judges you.

The roots of self-esteem Don’t fall far from the tree… Your self-esteem is influenced by your parents, bosses, co-workers, peers, etc. What you’ve learned from them about you may remain for years.

Parental Influences Unconditional positive regard: “I love you, no matter what.” Conditional positive regard: “I love you, as long as you…..” Conditions of worth: “I am loved or worthy, only if I act a certain way….”

The malevolent attitude The belief that one is surrounded by enemies. As a result, the child may come to view the self as someone who is detestable, and will always be treated poorly and moreover, who does not deserve to be treated well.

Parenting Styles Authoritarian Authoritative Permissive Permissive-indifferent Permissive-indulgent

Resilient Children….. Take an active approach to problem- solving, believing they can find solutions Find positive ways of framing experiences, even the bad ones, Are adept at getting positive attention from others Are optimists.

Other Influences to Self-esteem Teachers Peer Influences Failure experiences

How to Boost Your Self-Esteem 1.Realize your low self-esteem is, ultimately, your choice. 2.Choose to work towards developing a satisfying level of self-esteem 3.You will make mistakes…that’s why pencils have erasers. 4.Learn how to nurture yourself 5.And…..

Uncover Irrational Beliefs “Should have, could have, would have….” are all irrational Do the questionnaire on page 51

Improving your Self-esteem Stop “shoulding” on yourself. Eliminate Cognitive Distortions Re-frame your mistakes “I have not failed 10,000 times…I have successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.” Thomas Edison

Key Attitudes for Maintaining Self- Esteem Hello – view life as a two-year old Bravo – celebrate your positives Expect miracles, but do your part…see page 56. Laugh and dance a little every day. Love your inner child.