Habit 1 Being Proactive Dr. Kanwal Kaisser

A New Look at Paradigm Feeling Thoughts Behavior Habit 1

My servant makes me MAD My teacher doesn’t help me in learning He makes me sooooo angry I couldn’t complete my work because of him I reached late because of traffic

I am the force I am the captain of my life I can choose my attitude I am responsible for my own happiness or unhappiness

Opinions, perceptions and paradigms of the people around us Projection Reflections

Social Maps Our Nature

Stimulus Response

Proactivity Defined Response-Ability

Stimulus Response Self Awareness ConscienceImaginationWill Power

Self-Awareness: Ability to act instead of react. I can stand apart from myself and observe my thoughts and actions. Conscience: Moral sense and moral power. I can listen to my inner voice to know right from wrong. Imagination: Ability to envision something entirely different from your past experience. I can envision new possibilities.. Will Power: Power to take action. I have power to choose.

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness. وَمَا أَصَابَكُم مِّن مُّصِيبَةٍ فَبِمَا كَسَبَتْ أَيْدِيكُمْ وَيَعْفُو عَن كَثِيرٍ Whatever misfortune happens to you, is because on the things your hands have wrought, and for many (of them) He grants forgiveness. (Ash-Shura:30)

You say things you don’t mean. You do things you regret later. Helps you develop ability to act based on principles and values rather than reacting based on emotions or circumstances.

Proactive vs Reactive InitiativeResponsibilityInfluenceLeadership Influenced by other people, circumstances No influence No responsibility

Healthy attitude Good time management skills Achieve targets Continuously seek opportunities to improve oneself Decisive and in control of a situation

Proactive People Solutions to problems; not problems themselves

25-50 % difference 5000 % difference

Habit 1 in Our Paradigms Feeling Thoughts Behavior Proactivity

(Adh-Dhariyaat)

SalahRamadanZakat HajjRelationships

Focus for Proactivity? How large is your circle?

weatherSome relativesMy skin colorPolitics My room messTrafficCondition of Ummah Pollution Communicatio n skills Kids studiesCollege studiesKids Tarbiyah Past regretsMy healthRoutinesCurrent relationships ProcrastinationThat nagging relative Policies at work Siblings My temperSocial networking addiction What others say about me Natural disasters Brand conscious life Work opportunities Load sheddingLow level of Eman

No Concern Circle of Concern

Place issues in concerns or influence Circle of Influence Circle of Concern

Self-Inflicted Emotional Myopia Circle of Concern Circle of Influence

Vision for Family Relationships

The other end of the stick Consequences/ Mistakes

We are not free to choose the consequences of the actions Consequences reside in Circle of Concern When we pick up on end of stick, we pick up other If we have choice to make over again, we would make it differently (Mistakes) We cant recall, undo or control mistakes done

Deeper Thought Circle of Influence Circle of Concern Consequences Mistakes Commitments Promises

Where to start Develop Proactive Capacity

Create Proactive experiences in mind Listen to your language Admit mistakes, Don’t blame Don’t be judgmental, Be part of solution Make small commitments, fulfill them

Habit 1 and Relationships Every problem is opportunity to make a deposit

Somebody's “bad day” becomes and opportunity to be kind An offense becomes an opportunity to apologize, to forgive Somebody's gossip becomes an opportunity to be loyal, to quietly defend those not present

Instead of making withdrawal byYou make deposit by Speaking disrespectfully, putting people down, or acting in rude or discourteous ways Being kind Never saying ‘I am Sorry’ or saying it insincerely Apologizing Criticizing, complaining, and talking about others in negative ways when they are not around Being loyal to those who not present Never making commitments to anyone, or making commitments but rarely following through Making and keeping promises Being quick to make offense, holding grudges, throwing peoples past mistakes upto them and nurturing grievances Forgiving

Determine your proactivity! HomeWork!!!

Pick one situation in past one week, when you responded in reactive way? Describe it in detail. Think of few proactive responses you might have used in the same situation. Write them.

What are you unhappy or frustrated about? Write situations where you feel powerless, hopeless or used? What is stimulus to your frustration or unhappiness? How did you response? What other choices exist?

Measure how important the situation is to you on scale of 1-5 Assess your initial reaction (frustration, anger, fear) See the stimulus/response model in your mind Think about a proactive response Engage or exit Review your performance to see how proactive you were

Dr. Kanwal Kaisser Dr. Kanwal HamarayBachchay