Rethink Long Sentences Beware if your average sentence length in a story climbs to 20 words or more. Average length, according to the AP, should be around 16 to 17 words. Of course, there are, and should be, exceptions to the rule. Don’t overload sentences with too many points. Break them up. Use periods.

Short is better than Long Thousands of people had gathered outside the church, about a mile from downtown Nairobi, for the service of Robert Ouko, whose charred body was found with a bullet hole through the skull near his farm in western Kenya on Feb. 16.

Better? Thousands of people had gathered outside the church, about a mile from downtown Nairobi, for the service of Robert Ouko. His charred body was found with a bullet hole through the skull near his farm in western Kenya on Feb. 16.

One more.. Vice President Biden said some 5,000 more troops will be pulled out of Iraq, but 7,000 to 9,000 more troops will be sent to Afghanistan, officials said. Vice President Biden said some 5,000 troops would be pulled out of Iraq. But an additional 7,000 to 9,000 troops will be sent to Afghanistan, officials said.

Passive vs. Active Contstruction Passive: An account was opened by Mrs. Simms. Active: Mrs. Simms opened an account. Passive: Your figures were checked by the research department. Active: The research department checked your figures.

Or… Lighted candles were carried by most of the demonstrators in Prague, and elsewhere there were silent demonstrations by large crowds. (19 words) Most of the demonstrators carried lighted candles in Prague, and elsewhere large crowds demonstrated silently. (15 words)

Use Forceful Verbs if You Can The refugees experienced severe hunger in their wilderness retreat. The refugees starved in their wilderness retreat Portland showed a collective grief over the deaths of the younger climbers. Portland grieved over the deaths of the young climbers.

Combine When You Can The cliff dropped to reefs seventy-five feet below. The reefs below the steep cliff were barely visible through the fog. The cliffs dropped to the reefs seventy- five feet below, which were barely visible through the fog.

Avoid: “It is” and “There are” …especially at the beginning of sentences. There was no one in the group of bystanders who came to the victim’s aid. No one in the group of bystanders came to the victim’s aid. It is the governor who signs or vetoes bills. The governor signs or vetoes bills.

Don’t be Wordy Any particular type of dessert was fine with him. Any dessert is fine with him. Balancing the budget by Friday is an impossibility without some kind of extra help. Balancing the budget by Friday is impossible without help.

Be concise For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect. American industrial productivity depends more on psychological than on technological factors.

Words to Prune kind of sort of really basically actually generally specific particular

Why say… Crimes of a violent nature are increasing. When you can say.. Violent crimes are increasing. Or, why say… The loss of skilled workers will be a crippling factor in the U.S. economy. When you can say… The loss of skilled workers will cripple the U.S. economy.

Get rid of unnecessary clauses The report, which was released recently …the recently released report The system that is the most efficient and accurate … The most efficient and accurate system

Save words Why say …The employee with ambition..and not…the ambitious employee Or: The department showing the best performance…instead of The best-performing department

Get rid of flab They receive checks on a monthly basis. They receive monthly checks. He is an acknowledged leader in the medical field. He is an acknowledged leader in medicine. She has the ability to influence the outcome. She can influence the outcome.

Being Concise Rules Avoid phrases like: at this point in time…/now on the occasion of…/when in reference to…/about concerning the matter of …/ about has the opportunity to…/can it is possible that……/may, could

Easy on the adverbs and adjectives “When you can catch an adjective, kill it.” ---Mark Twain Don’t overdue the adjectives, especially when what you’re describing is obvious or vague. LONDON--The slim, almost boyish figure of the next king of England moved across the thick carpet of the elegant Brown’s Hotel. En route back to the enormous, black Rolls Royce outside, the immaculately groomed prince suddenly stopped. He had spotted two young women in the lobby. “What are you doing?” he inquired politely in deep aristocratic tones.

For fast trims, get rid of adverbs and adjectives..very urgent Why not ….urgent..will definitely leave…will leave..extremely absurd …absurd..incredibly intense

Don’t be redundant Consider this list: terrible tragedy true facts end result personal friend future plan sudden crisis past memory each individual final outcome basic fundamentals unexpected surprise various differences free gift important essentials

Bottomline… If you can say it with less words, do. Write leanly and cleanly. Concise is always better.