First Peer Review of Senior Year. Huzzah! College Application Essay Workshop

Read the ANECDOTE (not the rest of the essay) What sense do you get from the story (positive, negative)? Are you getting a sense of any “green” concepts? Are you IN the story, or is it just ABOUT a time?

Labeling Write your name at the top of their paper Read the entire essay. Do not comment on it yet, just read it. Make a key at the top of the person’s paper using your highlighters Sample: Green=Connection to the “big picture”/prompt (GREEN CONCEPTS)= top of abstraction ladder Blue=Telling= middle of abstraction ladder Pink=Showing= bottom of abstraction ladder

Thesis Check Does the writer have a thesis including three green words? Highlight and circle the three green words If thesis is missing, write that in the margins

Showing vs. Telling Remember from Monday/Tuesday: Telling: (middle of ladder) Abstract ideas like “nice,” “nervous,” “upset,” “scared,” “love” Telling about an example rather than telling the example like a story Showing: (bottom of ladder) Think back to the MLK Jr. speech. Remember when we highlighted the CONCRETE details, the things from the BOTTOM of the abstraction ladder? That’s what you are looking for in this essay. Paints a picture of what those abstract ideas look like Clear, concrete pictures Highlight papers for showing vs. telling now

Are the green words supported by the anecdote? Go back through the anecdote. Has the author CLEARLY SHOWN these green words? If not, write which green words are not shown and which ones need to be clearer.

“Showing” Evaluation Check for clichés “Quiet as a mouse” “bored to tears” “bright as the sun” Circle all clichés and write a different way to phrase it next to each Is it vague? You can easily answer this by looking at the percentage of “showing” words you highlighted. If you highlighted more TELLING than showing, then the story is probably vague. If you highlighted more SHOWING than telling, then the story is probably clear Do you get a clear picture of the story the writer is telling? If no, write a note at the end of their paper about this If yes, write how they achieved this Is it written in the appropriate register?

Characterization Box all the pieces of the anecdote that characterize the writer (or if an impersonal prompt, characterize the issue). Should be parts that show who/what the writer/issue is. (green words) Do you get a good picture of those green words? If not, proceed to the next bullet If there is no characterization of the writer/issue, write in the margins: “You need to characterize yourself.” Indicate where in the anecdote they could add characterization.

Is it Connected to the Prompt? Look at everything after the anecdote: Highlight areas that connect the anecdote to the prompt (commentary) Circle areas that don’t connect the anecdote to the prompt and feel “out of place” or “off topic.” Re-read the prompt Has the writer addressed what the prompt is asking for? If yes, write “fulfilled prompt” next to the prompt If no, write “didn’t address the prompt” or “missing part of the question” next to the prompt. Circle any parts of the prompt that the writer has not addressed.

Cut the Fluff Read the paper again. Cross out anything that doesn’t add value to the essay (can be extra words, phrases, clauses, or whole sentences) Cross out every example of “you” and “your” UNLESS it is part of dialogue in the anecdote

Wonderful/Things to Consider At the end of your partner’s paper, write TWO things that they did really well Be specific Everyone does at least two things right in every essay Write TWO things that they need to improve Be specific AND offer a way to fix it. Always assume they made an error because they don’t know how to do it.

For tomorrow You must turn in ALL of the following to be consider “complete” and “on-time.” Original prompt Final draft Turnitin.com receipt Workshopped draft