Listening and Responding to Others1 Focus Questions How do listening and hearing differ? How does effective listening differ when listening for information and listening to support others? How can we improve our listening skills? What are effective ways to express support for others? How can you control obstacles to effective listening?

Listening and Responding to Others2 Listening and Responding People tend to more focus on talking Studies show: Average person spends 45%- 53% of waking time on listening to others Total listening may even greater (radio…, background…)

Listening and Responding to Others3 Hearing & Listening Hearing is a physiological activity Sound wave & ear drum Other messages received at the same time (sight) Listening

Listening and Responding to Others4 The Listening Process Being mindful Focus on what is happening in the moment An ethical commitment; Leaders must want to listen! Enhance communication Increasing understanding of what others feel & think Promoting more complete communication by others Physically receiving communication Women are more attuned to what is going on around Men tend to direct hearing in a specific way Women likely to notice contexts, details, themes in interaction Average: 300 words/min understood; 100 spoken

Listening and Responding to Others5 The Listening Process (2) Selecting and organizing communication Study: Teachers unintentionally give more attention to male than female students… As we listen: categorize people→assess them →apply stereotype→choose a script Perceptions can be wrong. Be ready to revise them! Interpreting communication Recognizing others’ viewpoint doesn’ t mean you agree with them; it does mean you make an earnest effort to grasp what they think and feel.

Listening and Responding to Others6 The Listening Process (3) Responding Signs of being involved in interaction Remembering Recall of literal messages vs. Recall of interpretation of them Memory fading Remember less than Half / immediately after Recall 35% / after 8 hours

Listening and Responding to Others7 Obstacles to Effective Listening Situational obstacles Message overload Message complexity Environmental distractions Internal Obstacles Preoccupation Prejudgment Lack of effort Not recognizing diverse listening styles

Listening and Responding to Others8 Forms of Ineffective Listening Pseudo-listening Monopolizing Conversational rerouting Interrupting Selective listening Defensive listening Ambushing Politics: Gathering ammunition to use in attacking a speaker Literal listening Content level vs. Relationship level of meaning

Listening and Responding to Others9 Guidelines for Effective Listening Informational & critical listening Be mindful Control obstacles Ask questions Use aids to recall Repeating Mnemonics Organize information

Listening and Responding to Others10 Guidelines for Effective Listening Relationship listening Be mindful Total listening: more than words, also silence & meaning buried Suspend judgment Strive to understand the other’s perspective Minimum encouragers Paraphrasing Asking questions Express support See Father-Son conversation on page 170