Enriching Intimate Relationships Chapter 9 Communication: Enriching Intimate Relationships 1

Types of Communication Verbal Communication Nonverbal Communication Communication has a direct effect on the psychosocial /psychosexual realm of sexuality. 2

Verbal Communication 3

Nonverbal Communication Emotional Communication Relational Messages Nonrelational Messages Decoding 4

Nonverbal Communication and Sexual Orientation Four types of nonverbal communications that occur between couples: Self-touch Body posture Body orientation Eye gaze Observed differences between heterosexual and homosexual couples. 5

Communication Between Men and Women Research by Deborah Tannen Message Metamessage Trouble talk Men’s Communication: Offering Advice Women’s Communication: Connecting With Others And Here Lies the Problem 6

Underlying Communication Contexts 7

Poor Listening The Faker The Interrupter The Intellectual Listener The Self-Conscious Listener The Judge and Jury Listener 8

Intimacy: Enriching Your Relationship and Sexual Bond Fulfilling Psychological Needs Intimacy Social integration The need to nurture and be nurtured The need for assistance It reassures us we have worth and that we are wanted, needed, and loved. 9

The Role of Intimacy in Relationships A Three-prong Process: Disclosing things that are personal and private to ourselves; Experiencing positive feelings about ourselves and the other person(s) involved in the relationship; and Having interpersonal interactions that serve to advance or reflect partners’ understanding of each other. 10

Characteristics of intimacy How couples manage conflict How they express affection and share feelings and emotions The degree to which the relationship is valued Whether a couple communicates sexual needs and wants and if those needs are met If each member of the couple has maintained an individual identity How each partner relates to the other The amount both members of the couple share personal thoughts and feelings, and The degree of autonomy from families of origin 11

Fear of Intimacy Intimacy requires we unmask ourselves and become vulnerable. Fear sets up barriers to becoming truly intimate. Most of what goes wrong in an intimate relationship comes from fear. We bring these fears into our relationships from our family experiences. 12

Attachment: An Emotional Bond John Bowby—Attachment Theory Mary Ainsworth’s Research—Impact of Early Attachment on Later Relationships Hazen and Shaver’s Research—Attachment Types in Adulthood: Secure attachment types Avoidant attachment types Anxious/ambivalent attachment types 13

Sexual Communication Self-disclosure Sexual Self-disclosure Emotional safety Sexual Self-disclosure Sexual assertiveness Sexual Conflict and Discrepancies General conflict Content-specific conflict Partner discrepancies 14

Sex Talk: Communicating Differently Over Time Sexual Communication in the Early Stages of a Relationship Cognitive valance theory Is He Flirting? Sexual Communication in Established Relationships Expressive communication Receptive communication 15

Sexual Life Education Concluding Points 16