Building Effective Relationships Vicki Stockton

In this Session Create a map of your current relationships Identify which of the 5 key values are present in each relationship Explore how relationships might be improved Develop more positive relationships using proven techniques

Relationships Draw a map of all your current relationships work, home, social etc. There is no right or wrong way to draw this map. Roughly what % of your time do you spend with each person? Total time should add up to 100%.

Relationships Denote the quality of each relationship + Working ++ Good +++ Close & Trusting - Mixed -- Negative --- Adversarial or Avoidant

Relationships Utility – useful Reciprocity – worthwhile Integrity – safe Warmth – energising and enjoyable Maintenance – easy to maintain Denote which relationships have which of these elements Hay Group research as reported by Emmanuel Gobillot in The Connected Leader

3:1 Positive : Negative Marcial Losada Losada Ratio Positivity: Negativity

The Vertical Couple

Relationships Finally add 2 key personal interests held by each person – Of interest to them –Subjects you can talk to them about other than work –Builds relationships and understanding

Criticism Contempt Defensiveness Stonewalling John Gottman You need a 5:1 ratio at home!

In this Session Create a map of your current relationships Identify which of the 5 key values are present in each relationship Explore how relationships might be improved Develop more positive relationships using proven techniques

George Kelly Fixed Roles

Introductions Name Organisation and Job What you want from the session

Exercise: Your Constructs Stage 1 Think of 5 people that you know well Write down their names listed 1-5

Exercise: Your Constructs Person 1 Person 2 Person 3 Person 4 Person 5Way in which they are similarMe XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX

Exercise: Your Constructs - Example Person 1 Person 2 Person 3 Person 4 Person 5Way in which they are similarMe XXLike detailBigger picture thinker XXHighly artisticMore down to earth XXAnxiousRelaxed XXPessimisticOptimistic XXDisorganisedOrganised XXConscientiousLess Reliable XXAgreeableMore hard headed XXShyOutgoing XXNeuroticRelaxed

Using the traits you listed about ‘me’ write a brief description of yourself. Write from the third person perspective, as you think a close friend or colleague sees you. Does the description provide clues about any aspects of your identity you’d like to change? Exercise: The Description 1

Exercise: Change? Creativity Curiosity Open-mindedness Bravery Persistence Vitality Love Kindness Citizenship Leadership Forgiveness Humility Prudence Gratitude Hope Humour

Exercise: Next 2 Weeks Spend the next 2 weeks acting out your new identity Focus on changing behaviour rather than trying to change the way you think Tell a friend or close colleague about your plan and ask them to give you feedback on progress