1. 1 Dealing With Challenging Customers Professional Efficient Low Stress For They City of Aspen May, 2012 By Robert Bacal

2. 2 Defusing Tough Interactions... Involves Using A Number of Small Techniques Combined Together The "Fantasy Magic Phrase" (usually a putdown in our imaginations) is fantasy.

3. 3 Where We're Going - From General Principles To Specifics Getting People To Stop Talking and Listen So you Can Help Reducing Intensity and Length of Angry Interactions Saying No, Without Escalating Situation When Enough Is Enough How To Prevent & Respond To Insults/Verbal Attacks....and a lot more specific techniques At Ease No Role Plays

4. 4 Verbal Bridges - Verbal Bullets Instructions Take three minutes to write down an introduction for yourself that will make it more difficult for others to want to work with you. Be Subtle (No swearing, direct insults) (page 3 in the handout) Volunteer to share your "bad" intro

5. 5 Cooperative Language Expresses... Willingness to consider other's position Possibility of being wrong Invitation to discuss, not argue Desire to work with, NOT dictate Options and Choices Moving Past Blame/Focus On Present/Future Offering face saving outs

6. 6 Making Language Cooperative Use Qualifiers/Softeners Like Perhaps, Could be, Sometimes Remove commands and make into suggestions Use questions to soften - "Were you aware..." Eliminate Hot Phrases and Words Eliminate Absolutes (Never, Always) Eliminate Blame Allow Face Saving Outs

7. 7 Rephrasing Uncooperative Language Pages 65-66 In Workbook

8. 8 Psychology of Angry Customer Interactions Often not intentionally manipulative Anger not always anger, but fear, desperation. Emotions tend to shut down "thinking", and result in "script talking" from childhood - almost automatic Angry interactions follow "rules" as in a game. If you play the "game", you lose.

9. 9 Stepping Out of The Game Rule: When "attacked" you will counter-attack (reply with YOU statements) Rule: When "attacked" you will defend (using I statements) Rule: You will take the "bait". To disrupt the game, you MUST NOT do these things -- Instead, the unexpected.

10. 10 What Customers Need To Work With You Commitment and action to help Sense of being heard and understood Sense of personal connection/concern Reduction of sense of helplessness Choices/Options

11. 11 Defusing Principles Deal With The Feelings First Avoid Coming Across As Bureaucratic Strive For Control of Self and Interaction Observe/Prepare and Begin Defusing Early What You Focus On You Get More Of Don't Ask Questions You Don't Want To Hear Answers To Avoid High Risk, High Gain Behavior

12. 12 C*A*R*P Model C ontrol A cknowledge R efocus P roblem Solve

13. 13 Cool & In Control Under Pressure Importance of Inner Control - Effects on Non- Verbals, Stress Levels, Fatigue Techniques Trigger Identification (exercise on workbook p 46) Self-Talk

14. 14 Acknowledgment and Connection Tactics Listening Empathy but... Pre-Emptive Strike Offering Choices  (particularly choices that involve ways you can help)

15. 15 10 Control Methods - Getting To Helping Telephone Silence Distraction Technique Broken Record Technique Topic Grab You're Right Engineering Agreement Time Out/Disengage Forced Choices When Question Neutral Mode

16. 16 The When Question When did you start thinking/feeling that [insert paraphrase of what person said]?

17. 17 Neutral Mode Some people do think/feel that [rephrase what person said in calm, neutral way]

18. 18 When Enough Is Enough (1) Assertive Limit Setting 1.Describe Unacceptable Behavior Specifically 2.Request Behavior Change (often implied) 3.State Consequences In Non-Punishing Tone 1.Consequences must be enforceable 4.Make It THEIR Choice

19. 19 Enough Is Enough Examples If you continue to yell and swear 1, we'll have to end this conversation and start over another time 3. It's up to you 4. I can't help without asking you a few questions. Without the answers 1, we'll have to end the conversation 3. Are you ready to provide the information we need? 4 In both examples, the request for behavior change is implied.

20. 20 Enforcing Consequences Since you've chosen to [identify unacceptable behavior], I'm ending the conversation. You are welcome to make an appointment to continue.

21. 21 Referrals Referring To Supervisor Referring To Co-Worker Directing Person's Anger

22. 22 What's Next? Read and USE The Workbook Copy of Overheads at: work911.com/aspen Learn From Each Other Bottom line: The more you think about your techniques, the better you will get, and many of the techniques work EVERYWHERE!