1. REVISING STRATEGIES Purpose & Thesis Audience Structure & Support Emphasis, Conciseness, Clarity

2. Purpose & Thesis Meet the requirements of the original (or revised) assignment What you want to accomplish One sentence “In this paper I want to...(main idea of paper)” Everything works to achieve the same goal Examine scope of the thesis – too much/too thin Examine evidence – fully developed points, clear, convincing, connected to the claim supported

3. More about thesis statements Strong thesis statements: Concise yet detailed Considers scope Positive (rather than negative) Makes a claim Tension Represents main idea Main idea and thesis: Relates Develop and support Deliver everything promised

4. Audience Who? Want to tell vs. need to know Objections, questions Attitude (tone) Valuable

5. Structure & Support Order of ideas, supporting material, arrangement effective to support the main idea Introduction – grab attention and forecast Thesis – early in essay Paragraphs Main idea of paragraphs clear – topic sentence Fully developed Details/evidence related to topic sentence Order Logical breaks Transitions – one point into another Conclusion Leads reader out Leaves reader thinking about the main point – asking what next, where does the paper go from here, want to learn more, etc.

6. Micro revising Emphasis – Stress what counts What matters most and shine a bright light on it Beginning and end Make point first then support with evidence Dramatic order – least important to most

7. Micro revising Conciseness Cut announcements It is clear that, as you know, in conclusion Characters as subjects Strong verbs Active over passive

8. Micro revising Conciseness (cont.) Reduce clauses to phrases, phrases to single words Which, who, that Cut empty words In order to, in spite of the fact that, There are/is etc. Excessive adjectives and adverbs (extremely, very, highly important, etc.) Can the point/sentence make sense without Ex: The decision as to whether or not to go is up to you Use shorter not longer words Ex: Andy has a left fist that has a lot of power in it. Andy has a potent left.

9. Micro revising Clear, direct, forceful Ex: He is more or less a pretty outstanding person in regard to good looks. He is strikingly handsome.

10. Active Voice Active makes characters (subjects) DO things (action verb) Passive voice lacks strength because characters (subjects) receive the action (not related to verb tense) Ex: The pumps were destroyed by a surge of power. Ex: A surge of power was responsible for the destruction of the pumps. A surge of power destroyed the pumps.

11. That, which, who in adjective clauses Function as a sentence with a subject and verb Modify a noun or pronoun Directly follow what they modify Restrictive clauses (essential to understand sentence) Not set off by commas Only time you can use “That” Ex: The giant panda that was born at the San Diego Zoo in 2003 was sent to China in 2007. Nonrestrictive clauses (nonessential info) Set off by commas Which or who Ex: Ed’s house, which is located outside of the city, is undergoing a complete remodel. Which does not refer to persons – WHO does