1. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 1) Chapter 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management This multimedia product and its contents are protected under copyright law. The following are prohibited by law: any public performance or display, including transmission of any image over a network; preparation of any derivative work, including the extraction, in whole or in part, of any images; any rental, lease, or lending of the program. Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

2. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 2) Preliminaries to Interpersonal Conflict Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 1.Definition of interpersonal conflict  Occurs when people are interdependent  Mutually aware of incompatible goals  See each other as interfering with achieving goals

3. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 3) Preliminaries to Interpersonal Conflict (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 2.Myths about interpersonal conflict  Conflict is best avoided  Conflict is a sign of a troubled relationship  Conflict damages a relationship  Conflict is destructive because it reveals our bad sides  In conflict, there has to be a winner and a loser

4. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 4) Preliminaries to Interpersonal Conflict (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 3.Top interpersonal conflict issues for couples:  Intimacy (physical and emotional)  Power issues  Personal flaws  Personal distance/space  Social  Distrust

5. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 5) Principles of Interpersonal Conflict Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 1.Conflict is inevitable 2.Conflict can have negative and positive effects  Negative effects  Leads to bad feelings  You close yourself off  Increases costs

6. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 6) Principles of Interpersonal Conflict (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 2.Negative and positive effects (cont.)  Positive effects  Resolves problems  Improves relationships  Demonstrates commitment to relationship 3.Conflict can focus on content and/or relationship issues  Relationship conflicts – equity and power  Relationship conflicts hide as content conflicts

7. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 7) Conflict Management Stages Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 1.Unproductive strategies: 1.Blaming (“It’s your fault– you’re so lazy!”) 2.Gunnysacking (storing up past offenses to unload later; ex. “All the times you arrived late to dinner.”) 3.Hitting below the belt (ex. Mentioning the inability to have children, b/c you know it will cause an emotional reaction) 4.Silencers (crying; feigning extreme emotionalism; screaming & pretending to lose control.)

8. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 8) Conflict Management Stages (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 2.Define the conflict  Define both content and relationship issues  Define the problem in specific terms  Focus on the present; avoid gunnysacking  Empathize  Avoid mind reading 3.Examine possible solutions

9. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 9) Conflict Management Stages (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 4.Test the solution 5.Evaluate the solution  Fact hat (focuses on facts and figures)  Feeling hat ( How do you feel when…?)  Negative argument hat (devil’s advocate)  Positive benefit hat (what are the upsides?)  Creative new idea hat (what other possible solutions?)  Control of thinking hat (have we solved the problem?)

10. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 10) Conflict Management Stages (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 6.Accept or reject the solution 7.Wrap it up  Learn from the process  Don’t let the conflict overtake your relationship  Increase cherishing behaviors

11. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 11) Conflict Management Strategies (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 6.Verbal aggressiveness and argumentativeness strategies  Aggressiveness  Unproductive  Trying to win at the other’s expense  disconfirming  Argumentativeness  Should be cultivated  Argue your point of view

12. CH 11: Interpersonal Conflict and Conflict Management (slide 12) Conflict Management Strategies (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 6.Argumentativeness strategies (cont.)  Cultivating argumentativeness  Be objective  Avoid attacking the other person  Reaffirm the other’s competence  Avoid interrupting  Stress equality  Express interest in the other’s viewpoint  Avoid being overly emotional  Allow the other to save face