1. Chapter 5 Loving Ourselves and Others
Personal Ties in an Impersonal Society
What is Love?
Two Things Love Isn’t
Self-Esteem as a Prerequisite to Loving
Love as Discovery

2. What Is Love? Love is a deep and vital emotion.
Love satisfies legitimate personal needs.
Love involves caring and acceptance.

3. Triangle Theory of Love
Three components of love:
Intimacy - close, connected feelings.
Passion - drives that lead to romance, physical attraction and sexual consummation.
Commitment -the decision to love someone and to maintain that love.

4. Triangle Theory of Love
Three components develop at different times:
Passion is quickest to develop and quickest to fade.
Intimacy develops more slowly.
Commitment develops gradually.

5. Six Love Styles
Eros
Storge
Pragma
Agape
Ludus
Mania

6. Love Isn’t Martyring Martyrs may:
Be reluctant to suggest what they want.
Allow others to be constantly late and never protest.
Help loved ones develop talents while neglecting their own.
Be sensitive to others’ feelings and hide their own.

7. Love Isn’t Manipulation
Manipulators may:
Ask others to do something that they could do.
Assume that others will happily do whatever they choose.
Be consistently late.
Want others to help them develop their talents but seldom think of reciprocating.

8. Six Pillars of Self-esteem
The practice of living consciously.
The practice of self-acceptance.
The practice of self-responsibility.
The practice of self-assertiveness.
The practice of living purposefully.
The practice of personal integrity.

9. Self-Esteem and Personal Relationships
People with low self-esteem
Experience a persistent need for affection.
Are on the alert for criticism and remember it for a long time afterward.
Often miss cues that other people are interested.
Are prepared for rejection.

10. Three Basic Styles of Attachment
Secure - Trust that the relationship will provide necessary and ongoing support.
Insecure/anxious - Concern that the beloved will disappear, a “fear of abandonment”.
Avoidant - Evades relationships or establishes distance in intimate situations.

11. Wheel Theory of Love Four stages of love
Rapport - rests on mutual trust and respect
Self-revelation - sharing intimate information
Mutual dependency - developing interdependence
Personality need fulfillment - developing emotional exchange and support