1. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Elaboration OSPI High School Instructional Support Materials for Writing These materials were developed by Washington teachers to help students improve their writing. Version 2

2. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What is Elaboration?

3. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Use your Writer’s Notebook to take notes on the following slides. Title each page “All About Elaboration” Elaboration means...  To tell the reader more using Specific words Extensions (phrases, clauses) Onion-like layering of detail Specific strategies, e.g., anecdotes or scenario, lists for specificity, examples, definitions, descriptions, quotations, statistics, and facts.

4. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Quick Write in Writer’s Notebook Think about a time when someone wrote you a note that said, “There’s a new kid coming to our school tomorrow.” What kind of details would you want to know? What kind of details were left out? Why is having enough information important?

5. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? Here’s the first strategy: ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short narrative inserted into an essay that develops an idea or argument. This sounds like... Hey, I remember the time when I had to carry my... Once when I was in middle school, the kids would always....

6. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with an anecdote. You can’t give up, Jack. I remember one time when I played on the high school baseball team. We were losing, and it was the 8th inning. Everyone was getting discouraged, and then the coach said, “BOYS! You’ve got to RALLY here! Turn your ball caps around and GET OUT THERE!” So, Jack, turn your ball cap – I mean ATTITUDE -- around and get out there!

7. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Anecdotes - your turn Think about the “New Kid in Class.” In your notebook, write a short anecdote that might work like, “I remember when I had to move to a new school…” Or, “There was a new kid in my class last year who…” Share this with your partner. Discuss the images in the anecdote that are vivid. If you don’t have any, add more detail using strong verbs and figurative language.

8. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? Strategy #2: EXAMPLES -- provide more specific information about an idea. This sounds like... The cats were all acting like they were crazy. For example, one jumped at me … We had a barrage of different weather last week: hail, rain, snow, and sunshine. My brothers always seem to pick on me. For instance, they hide my soccer shoes before a game.

9. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with an example. The game of golf can be played for an entire lifetime and by yourself. People of any age can go out and play a round of golf whenever they want as opposed to team sports. For example, football, soccer, and volleyball take an entire team of people to play. How many times are you going to call up ten or more of your friends and go play sports?

10. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Examples - your turn Examples are an effective way to help the reader understand your ideas. Think about a situation involving an assignment at school. How might you use examples to help your table group understand? Discuss. How do the examples help explain?

11. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? Strategy #3: DEFINITIONS -- are a restatement of an unfamiliar word or phrase to tell the reader what it means. The best part of our hot lunch program is the A La Carte. What I mean is the little deli line-up past the lunch line where you can buy cookies, slushies, and candy bars.

12. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with a definition. One of the best programs at our school is something called Brainworks. Brainworks is an after-school program where kids go and do their homework. They even let you work on the computers there. I like it a lot because the lady who runs the program keeps everyone pretty quiet. At my house, I have 6 little brothers and sisters, and there is never a quiet place to work.

13. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Definition - your turn Defining specific words shows an awareness of your audience--what they know and what they may not know. Talk to your partner about some of the “lingo” you hear at school. Write a definition of one word for your parents and then write a definition of that same word for a sixth grader. How did your definition change depending on the audience?

14. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? Strategy #4: STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the numbers (data) and information that help support your idea or argument. Mom, did you know that 98% of all my friends get to stay up until 1:00 AM on weekends? Well, Son, did you know that 3 out of every 4 parents would have grounded you for staying out so late? Kids who smoke at an early age are prone to heart attacks later in life.

15. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with facts and statistics. Another craze to sweep America was the low-carb diet. It was reported in the newspaper after the last holiday season that 67% of all Americans were low- carb dieting. Let me tell you the personal impact that has had on my family’s wheat farm here in Washington.

16. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. STATISTICS and FACTS – your turn Talk to a partner and come up with an opinion about something related to school. Now back it up with statistics. e.g., Skyline has a better football team than Issaquah. They won the State Championship for the last 4 years. Think of what statistics would convince the audience to agree with your opinion. Share an idea with the whole group.

17. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? Strategy #5: QUOTATIONS -- are words someone says that can help support your idea or argument. “Spaying or neutering dogs and cats is the single best gift a pet owner can give.” Dr. Stein, the veterinarian from the animal shelter, agreed when he said,

18. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with quotations. Another reason to graduate from high school is that even technical jobs require a diploma. Jared Turner from Best Performance Welding magazine states, “We won’t even consider hiring a person without a high school diploma. Our workers need to read the job specs, monitor equipment performance, and write orders and reports.” Turner went on to describe the many qualified applicants who compete for the positions in his busy firm. This seems to be different from the good old days and makes a pretty decent point about staying in school.

19. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. QUOTATION – your turn Quotations or simple dialogue can add information and credibility to your idea or argument. Tell your classmate what a world famous principal and author of The Best Schools for Kids might say about your school.

20. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Variation on Quotations - your turn Take the statistic in your Statistic example (SHS has a better football team than ISH) and turn it into a quotation. Share one example with the class.

21. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. What does elaboration look like? Strategy #6 DESCRIPTIONS—are a way to create vivid images for the reader. Use “snapshots” and good word choice! The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs. Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers and rubber hair wraps, my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack. “Must shut off ringer,”I thought.

22. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Develop your point with description. Jackie walked slowly to the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial exhibit. In her hands were two yellow daffodils that she had brought with her on the hour-long bus ride. Their green stems, snapped from the patch in the backyard, were slowly drying out.

23. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Description - your turn Description can take many forms and still be effective. Show, don’t just tell, your reader. Be specific with your word choice. Try to create an image that appeals to your reader’s senses. Work with your partner and write a paragraph that describes your school’s cafeteria. Elaborate using sensory details.

24. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Reflection In your own words, define elaboration. Why is it important? What kind of changes will you make in your writing now that you have learned about elaboration?

25. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? The main reason I love Halloween is the candy. Oh my gosh, it’s like heaven—even for big kids. What I’m trying to say is that my mom lets me collect and eat all the mini candy bars, fruity treats, and sour chewies that I can. When I get to heaven, it will have all those kinds of candy. Last year, I was running out the door at 5:30, pillowcase in hand, hitting the houses in my neighborhood with my friend Steven. You might not believe it but I got 237 individual servings of candy, and it was my highest record yet. I figure at 20 pieces a day it took me 12 days to polish it all off. There’s nothing better than candy if you’re a kid.

26. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? What I’m trying to say is that my mom lets me collect and eat all the mini candy bars, fruity treats, and sour chewies that I can.  DEFINITION

27. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? Last year, I was running out the door at 5:30, pillowcase in hand, hitting the houses in my neighborhood with my friend Steven.  ANECDOTE

28. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Where is the elaboration? You might not believe it, but I got 237 individual servings of candy, and it was my highest record yet. I figure at 20 pieces a day, it took me 12 days to polish it all off.  STATISTICS

29. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Definition of telling and showing Telling is the use of broad generalizations. Showing is the use of details, facts, statistics, examples, anecdotes, quotations, description – elaboration – to develop, persuade, explain, or to enliven a story.

30. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Show with Description White shirts are dumb. White shirts are hard to clean, show pizza stains, and make you look like a waiter in a cheesy restaurant.

31. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Telling vs. Showing 1 There are many fascinating things to see at the Farmers’ Market, which has been around for a long time. Rows of tangerines, crisp red apples, long purple eggplants, and succulent strawberries invite the shopper to stop at every farmer’s stand. Many of the farmers in the Farmers’ Market have sold their home-grown vegetables and fruits since the early 1900’s when the market was the only place to buy fresh food in the city. Now the market has expanded to include bakeries, funky antique stores, and a comic book vendor. The market is a visual feast for tourists and a keepsake for our town.

32. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Telling vs. Showing 2 The Beatles started a new trend in music in the mid-sixties. For many Americans the evening of February 9,1964, was a turning point in musical history. On this evening the Beatles made their debut in America on the Ed Sullivan television show. Kathi Anderson, then sixteen in Chicago, remembers, “My friends and I sat shaking and hugging each other on the couch in my living room as the Fab Four bounced out onto the stage. Their shaggy hair shook as they sang ‘I Want to Hold Your Hand’ and ‘She Loves You’ with an energy and sound we’d never heard before. We were instantly and forever in love.” That night the British Invasion, as it was called, began.

33. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Telling vs. Showing 3 The Seattle Sonics, led by Ray Allen, won Friday’s game.. The Seattle Sonics game against the Minneapolis Timberwolves on Friday night ended with the Sonics beating the Timberwolves 107-102 in overtime. Ray Allen, the Sonics’ star, struggled all night with his shot, but he ended up scoring 32 points for the game. Allen averages 31.5 points per game. According to the City Daily News, "Allen was 7-for-24 from the field in regulation, but went 3-for-4 in overtime, including two 3-pointers, and scored all but two of Seattle's points in the extra five minutes." With that win, Seattle won the first game of the new season.

34. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Manastash Field is a dangerous field. Manastash Soccer Field has caused more injuries to players than any other in the valley according to Tony Vela, the director of the North Valley Soccer Association. “The field is nothing more than sand and hard clay; clouds of dust explode into the air when players kick the ball. My players say it’s hard to see and breathe. When they fall, they end up with bloody shins.” Vela called upon the North Valley Parks Department to spend its money on fixing fields rather than on useless advertising. Telling vs. Showing 4

35. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Showing Sentences - your turn With a partner, write several sentences that show rather than tell. The pumpkin rolled down the hill. The man in the car was angry. You should have been at the concert. The blue car won the race. The pizza was delicious.

36. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Showing Sentences Select a narrowed topic of your own. Write a telling sentence on that topic. Write a paragraph or two that shows your telling sentence. Share with a partner.

37. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Agenda—Day 3 Discuss the Elaboration Scoring Guide and score two papers Practice with elaboration Score for elaboration Reflect

38. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Read for conventions.  Basic spelling (including homonyms)  Capitalization  Punctuation Periods (run-togethers), apostrophes (possessives), commas, question marks especially in rhetorical questions  Subject-verb agreement, particularly number agreement with “their” (pronoun referents and verb agreement)  Complete sentences  Paragraphing  Conventions on your own personal list in your folder