1. Chapter 15: Love and Commitment Objectives 1. List the components of lasting love. 2.Describe factors that affect partner selection. 3.Explain how to determine readiness for commitment. 4.Describe the different types of love. 5.List the components of lasting love.

2. Activity Complete Worksheet: Philosophies of Love (5 minutes) We will discuss as a class upon completion.

3. What is Love? What do you think it means? subject of songs, poetry and moviessubject of songs, poetry and movies helps sell everything from perfume to pantyhose to pizzahelps sell everything from perfume to pantyhose to pizza has been called a “miracle”has been called a “miracle” credited with “making the world go round”credited with “making the world go round” people claim to love restaurants, TV shows and football gamespeople claim to love restaurants, TV shows and football games

4. Types of Love There are many different types of love. Examples love you feel for your friends vs. the love you feel for your familylove you feel for your friends vs. the love you feel for your family the affection of a big brother for a little sister is not the same as his love for his girlfriendthe affection of a big brother for a little sister is not the same as his love for his girlfriend a child’s love for a puppy vs. a parent’s love of countrya child’s love for a puppy vs. a parent’s love of country

5. Types of Love Stages of love: love of self (as a baby)love of self (as a baby) love of parents for taking care of youlove of parents for taking care of you love for friendlove for friend love of a role model (aka “hero worship”)love of a role model (aka “hero worship”) excited about being in love (a “love of love”) excited about being in love (a “love of love”)

6. Defining Love Since there are so many types of love, how do you define it? Love is accompanied by a very complex set of emotions. Scientists have found a chemical in part of the brain that triggers a response to feelings of loves. What do you think some of those reactions are?

7. Infatuation infatuation: a love experience that is based on a sudden, intense attraction the feelings are very real and very powerful this kind of love disappears in time can be pleasant or painful, depending on the attitude of the second person involved infatuated partners make the mistake of playing up good qualities and ignoring the bad and they focus on unimportant features

8. Love That Lasts Do you think people confuse it with infatuation? How can you tell if the love you feel is the lasting kind? Real love is more than just an emotion.Real love is more than just an emotion. It is a relationship that puts feelings into action. It is a relationship that puts feelings into action. It means caring about another person so much that his or her health, happiness and well-being are as important to you as your own, sometimes even more important.It means caring about another person so much that his or her health, happiness and well-being are as important to you as your own, sometimes even more important.

9. Love That Lasts Real love also means: give and takegive and take sharingsharing understandingunderstanding strong affectionstrong affection deep devotiondeep devotion togethernesstogetherness respectrespect likelike trusttrust What other qualities might you add to the list? Do you think that real love only happens once in a lifetime?

10. Dimensions of Lasting Love Love that lasts, sometimes known as mature love, has three dimensions. 1 st dimension: Romantic Love 2 nd dimension: Intellectual Love 3 rd dimension: Physical Love

11. Romantic Love usually the first to appearusually the first to appear involves getting to know and cherish all the wonderful things about a personinvolves getting to know and cherish all the wonderful things about a person the thoughtful and spontaneous side of lovethe thoughtful and spontaneous side of love romance is the ingredient that makes a love relationship uniqueromance is the ingredient that makes a love relationship unique kept alive through thoughtful gestures and sharing time alone togetherkept alive through thoughtful gestures and sharing time alone together Remember: the feelings in a lasting love relationship may become less intense over time—if the love is real, this does not matter.

12. Intellectual Love involves mutual respect (valuing the beliefs, opinions and life goals of the loved one)involves mutual respect (valuing the beliefs, opinions and life goals of the loved one) achieve through getting to know one another (having long talks, seeing each other in different real life experiences)achieve through getting to know one another (having long talks, seeing each other in different real life experiences) friendship side of lovefriendship side of love grows through companionship and communicationgrows through companionship and communication the basis of trust in the relationshipthe basis of trust in the relationship

13. Physical Love refers to the intimacies expressed by two people in loverefers to the intimacies expressed by two people in love based on initial attraction, which is made stronger by romantic and intellectual love feelingsbased on initial attraction, which is made stronger by romantic and intellectual love feelings it is touching, kissing and holdingit is touching, kissing and holding it is the warm, secure feelings of being close, along with the excitement and passion of sexual intimacyit is the warm, secure feelings of being close, along with the excitement and passion of sexual intimacy Physical love is based on a desire to make the loved one feel loves and needed, rather than on a desire for personal gratification.

14. Activity Complete worksheet: Lasting Love or Infatuation We will do the first portion as a class. (10-15 minutes)

15. Objectives 1.Describe factors that affect partner selection. 2.Identify ways to determine readiness for commitment.

16. Review What are some characteristics of real love? What is the difference between love and infatuation? List and define the 3 dimensions of mature love.

17. Activity Complete Worksheet: Love means… (5 minutes) We will discuss as a class upon completion.

18. Telling the Difference InfatuationLove Self-centered But Focused on the loved one Leads to daydreams and lack of interest in real-life concerns But Fosters ambition, hard work and planning for the future Infatuated people try to ignore their problems But People in love work to solve their problems together Places major importance on the physical side of a relationship But Sees physical intimacy as meaningful expression of feelings, not just a source of pleasure

19. Telling the Difference It takes time for differences between infatuation and lasting love to become apparent. Enduring love deepens as you get to know the person. The infatuation love-at-first-sight simply disappears upon close inspection. Time is the only valid test of love!

20. Is it Love? Is is NOT love when… It happens suddenly You want or plan to change the person Separation causes you to forget him or her Thoughts are of your own needs and feelings Feelings are based on one or two qualities of a person You are too much in love to eat or work Differences are ignored You can’t wait It fades fast

21. Is it Love? It is love when… It grows as two people get to know one another You accept the person’s faults Feelings endure separation You put the loved one’s needs ahead of your own Feelings are based on the total personality of the loved one You work for your loved one, yourself and your relationship Problems are faced together You are patient

22. How Love Develops Love relationships tend to move through a series of stages: 1. 1. an intense, sometimes unexpected attraction to a particular person develops 2. 2. a willingness to share deepest secrets surfaces 3. 3. each partner looks to the other for support and encouragement in everyday living 4. 4. each partner attempts to meet the emotional needs of the other

23. How Love Develops Can you “fall in love”? Requires: A sense of purpose Love in order to develop Needs to be built through self-control and sacrifice Must be nurtured and nourished in order to last

24. Partner Selection There are several theories about what affects partner choice: ProximityProximity Opposites attractOpposites attract SimilaritiesSimilarities

25. Partner Selection Theory of Proximity proximity: nearness Your place of residence, social setting, workplace and other environment factors largely determine the people with whom you associate This closeness to specific people filters out great numbers of potential partners, leaving you with relatively few choices

26. Partner Selection Theory of Opposites Attract Based on the idea that people look for partners whose qualities make up for gaps in their own personalities The result is that people with different personalities may prove to be very compatible Advantage Each person fulfills the unmet needs of the other Disadvantage The differences could possibly lead to incompatibility

27. Partner Selection Theory of Similarities You are most likely to match up with someone who is much like yourself in terms of age, race, religion, social group, education and interests. This is because you will have more in common with people who have a similar background and experiences.

28. Love Poem What does Love mean to you? L___________ O__________ V___________ E___________ Use construction paper and markers Will be graded on: Creativity, neatness and effort

29. Objectives 1. 1.Describe factors that affect partner selection. 2. 2.Identify ways to determine readiness for commitment.

30. Review What does the theory of proximity say? What are some advantages and disadvantages of the theory that opposites attract? Define the theory of similarities. What are some differences between love and infatuation?

31. Readiness for Commitment commitment to a relationship: a promise or pledge of loyalty to another person When individuals are ready, their personal life goals and priorities are not in serious jeopardy Life goals include career plans, education goals and family obligations

32. Readiness for Commitment Problems arise when these areas (life goals) are overlooked under the influence of overpowering feelings of love “love conquers all” rationalization—an attempt to justify decisions made without sound reasons

33. Readiness for Commitment The fact that so many relationships end unhappily may suggest that love is not the only requirement for a successful, lasting relationship. Individuals who sacrifice their careers or educational goals may later regret the marriage.

34. Readiness for Commitment Also depends upon the level of understanding reached in the relationship. Based on time spend talking about important issues and sharing routine daily experiences. How does your loved one handle unpleasant situations? Can he or she handle a problem with patience and determination? How does she or he react to boredom, frustration and hard work? Have you been together when one of you was sick, tired, or discouraged? Has your loved one seen you looking less than your best? How does he or she react in an emergency?

35. Readiness for Commitment “When hardship comes in the door, love goes out the window.” Love is not the only requirement for a lasting relationship—readiness is essential in order for a commitment to endure when troubles arise. When you love someone and you are thinking about making a commitment, you need to take a close look at your potential partner.

36. Activity Complete Worksheet: Chapter 15 Study Guide