1. © Mirah Riben 2009 Who Deserves to be a Mother? The Impact of Class, Age, and Powerlessness

2. “A ‘sacred/profane continuum’ exists with unwritten rules as to who deserves to be a mother, under what conditions motherhood is a blessing, and when it is not.” Elizabeth C. Hirschman, “Babies for Sale: Market Ethics and New Reproductive Technologies.” Journal of Consumer Affairs, Vol. 25, p. 358.

3. According to the Adoption History Project, Ellen Herman, Department of History at the University of Oregon: “Married women who occupied privileged class positions were most likely to be adoptive mothers, “whereas women without money were punished for their poverty… “and girls from middle-class families were ostracized for their premarital sexual activity with pressure to give up their babies….

4. “…A majority of birth mothers before World War II were married women, “but statistical analyses have shown that by the mid-1960s, single women had taken their place. “ Class privilege divided these two categories of women. ”

5. It is estimated that more than six million American mothers have been convinced to lose their children to adoption. Four million of those occurred between 1940 and 1970; two million during the 1960s alone. Who Are They? Mostly white, mostly middle class, “good girls” who have gone on to become teachers, attorneys, mothers, social workers, wives, nurses, PhDs, activists…

6. “ Family formation by adoption is an accepted occurrence and can be discussed with family and friends. “Family disruption by means of adoption remains shrouded in secrecy….

7. “There are slightly less the number of birthparents as adoptees adjusted to the age factor. “But few of us can identify who these women are within our circle of friends. “At least one woman in every hundred, perhaps one in fifty, has lost a child to adoption.” Gail Davenport, ACSW, birthmother, as quoted in Riben (1988) The Dark Side of Adoption, page 65

8. Disempowered, Invisible Mothers “[T]he birthparent has been the mysterious ‘hidden’ parent around whom the adoptee and adoptive parent have been able to weave positive and negative fantasies.” Sorosky, Baran and Pannor (1979) The Adoption Triangle, p 27

9. Why/How Did It Occur? Worldwide, poverty far exceeds abuse, neglect or abandonment as adoption moves children from economically at-risk mothers to adopters of higher socio-economic status. Domestically, American mothers (and those in other industrialized countries) have historically lost children to protect their parents from the shame and stigma of out-of-wedlock, “unwed” pregnancy.

10. Though not unfit, abusive or neglectful, expectant mothers were made to feel inadequate and not deserving to parent. They were rendered powerless to resist because of age, marital status and financial dependence.

11. Beaten Down Mothers consistently report having been told: I f you love your child, you’ll let him go Y our child deserves two parents: a mother and a father T o keep her would be selfish Y ou’ll have other children when you are ready Y ou cannot come home with that baby T here are so many deserving couples out there Y ou can choose an open adoption

12. Lack of Options and Rights “Safeguarding The Rights And Well-being of Birthparents In The Adoption Process,” by Susan Smith 2006 November. Revised with Forward 2007 January. New York NY: Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute found: “[P]arents who choose adoption for their infants do not have their rights and needs sufficiently addressed in U.S. law and practice - largely because of basic misconceptions about who these women and men are…

13. “...most women struggling to make decisions about unplanned pregnancies do not have accurate information with which to make an informed choice about whether this is a reasonable option for them….

14. ”…Most states do not have laws that maximize sound decision-making, however, such as required counseling, waiting periods of at least several days after childbirth before signing relinquishments, and adequate revocation periods during which birthparents can change their minds.”

15. “Surrendering a child for adoption is an incredibly difficult and stressful decision, placing mothers in a powerless and 'socially disfavored position’.” Elizabeth Samuels, The University of Baltimore School of Law, 2005, as quoted in The Stork Market Socially Disfavored