1. THE BASICS Dr. Teresa Lesher www.dawahmemo.com AWARE Center diwaniyas

2.  Islam is a way of life that encourages physical, social, economic and spiritual fulfillment. The Quran outlines divine instructions so that all members of society can live comfortably and happily.  There is no difference between morality and legality in Islam. Laws can be defined as external conscience, or codified morality (eg, theft).  Divine laws are standardized procedures designed to protect the vulnerable, and to give recourse to those whose rights have been violated. Islamic Law

3. Marriage: the legal union of a consenting man and a consenting woman Marriage extra-marital affairs prostitution one-night stands homosexuality pre-marital sex rape sustained celibacy

4. Who benefits more from marriage?  According David Friedman, an American political theorist and economist, marriage confers more rights to women. Physical and emotional fulfillment Financial security Protection and dignity Legal and social status Children and family life Provision in illness and old age  Children are protected against illegitimacy, single parenthood, and financial deprivation.

5. Marriage Rules in Islam  Physical maturity (marked by puberty)  Free choice for both partners  Parental permission for previously unmarried women  Dowry for women  Full maintenance for women  Divorce settlement and alimony for women  Either partner can request divorce  Children are financial responsibility of fathers  Men can marry up to four women under certain conditions.

6. The Dowry  Cash or material gifts  Specified by her or her guardian  A contractual agreement  Consumed by the bride  Part can be delayed  Cannot be taken back in case of divorce  The woman may give some back to her husband if she wishes

7. The husband Rights  Sexual intimacy  Compliance to lawful requests Responsibilities  Full financial support  Kind treatment

8. The wife Rights  Sexual intimacy  Full financial support  Kind treatment Responsibilities  Protect and manage the home  Protect the husband’s exclusive rights to her sexuality in all forms  Compliance to lawful requests

9. Divorce initiated by the wife  If her rights have not been violated but she desires divorce for personal reasons, she can return part or all of her dowry to her husband and forego alimony.  If her rights have been violated, she can go to court and request divorce so that she will benefit from prenuptial agreements and alimony.  The divorced woman remains the financial responsibility of the ex-husband until she remarries. The children are the financial responsibility of the father until they are independent.

10. Divorce initiated by the husband  Timing: not while angry, not during his wife’s menses, and only if he has not had intercourse with her since her last period.  Pronouncement: “I divorce you.” Witnesses recommended.  Waiting period: three menstrual cycles must pass, during which time the couple lives together but refrains from sexual intimacy.  During the waiting period, they can reconcile. The divorce is revoked if they are sexually intimate.

11. After divorce  After all conditions are met, they can remarry with a new contract and dowry.  The wife is free to remarry another man.  Until then, the husband provides full support for his ex-wife.

12. Divorce or Polygyny?  “Divorce is the most hated permissible thing by God.” – Prophet Muhammad  Many couples prefer polygyny over divorce.  It maintains a stable home environment.  It deals compassionately with health issues: infertility, mental illness, physical challenges.  It helps one keep his integrity: avoiding hypocrisy and immorality.  It can increase life quality and the happiness of partners.

13. Polygyny: the legal union of a man & more than one woman extra-marital affairs prostitution one-night stands homosexuality pre-marital sex rape celibacy Marriage

14. Islam’s rules for polygyny  The Quran limited and regulated polygyny, which was a common social situation around the world  The same rules of marriage apply  Up to 4 wives providing he can maintain equal: Homes Financial expenditure Time allotment Treatment of children The wife can take her husband to court for failure to provide equally.

15. Marriage Rules for 2 nd marriage  Physical maturity (marked by puberty)  Free choice for both partners  Parental permission for previously unmarried women  Dowry for women  Full maintenance for women  Divorce settlement for women  Either partner can initiate divorce  Children are financial responsibility of fathers  Equal division of tangible and intangible resources among wives, including time.

16. The Case for Monogamy  Adam had one wife  The ratio of men to women  “If you can’t be just, then marry one” (4:3).  “You will never be just between your wives” (4:129).  “If you desire to exchange one wife for another…don’t take any of [her dowry]” (4:20)

17. The Quran is the only religious scripture that states, “marry one.”  Most ancient cultures practiced polygyny. The Greeks and Romans promoted monogamy, but the men kept female slaves as concubines.  Most religious scriptures allow polygyny, including those of Confucianism, Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity and Islam.  Polygyny has been a solution for social problems. For example, in 1650, the parliament at Nürnberg decreed that because so many men were killed during the Thirty Years’ War, every man was allowed to marry up to ten women.

18. Summary  Marriage in Islam promotes personal happiness, familial responsibility and social health.  Marriage is both a sacrament and a social contract.  Rights and responsibilities of spouses are equitable.  Divorce is permitted with procedures that encourage reconsideration and reconciliation.  Polygyny is permitted under strict conditions, and is often preferred over divorce.

19. najaaba@gmail.com www.najaaba.com AWARE Center diwaniyas