2. Family Relations Mrs. Hanson Birth Order and Sibling Rivalry

3. Objectives  Describe birth order and how it affects relationships with others  Analyze how blended families relate to birth order  Question whether or not birth order research matches your own unique personality  Explain sibling rivalry and causes

4. How much of your personality is determined by when you were born?

5. Birth Order  Birth order refers to the order in which you were born among your siblings.  Many believe that the order in which you were born among brothers and sisters influences how you develop.  Though birth order gives us clues about our behavior, it is not always accurate.

6. Placement Activity Students who are: The oldest child go to the front left corner of room. The youngest child go to the back right corner. The middle child go to the back left corner. The only child go to the center of the room. Brainstorm together Come up with reasons why it is cool to be in your birth order and what stinks about being in your birth order. Write down your ideas on the white board and share with class.

7. Who do You Think You Are? 1. Manipulative, charming, blames others, shows off, people person, good salesperson, precocious. 2. Mediator, fewest pictures in the family photo album, avoids conflict, independent, extreme loyalty to the peer group, many friends 3. Perfectionist, reliable, list-maker, well- organized, critical, serious, scholarly Are you 1, 2, or 3?

8. The Results If you are most like number… 1 ~ You may be the youngest child in the family. 2 ~ You may be the middle child in the family. 3 ~ You may be the first born child in the family.

9. Birth Order  Oldest children bear the burden of the parents’ heaviest expectations and also of the parents’ inexperience in raising children.  Second or third children are generally treated in a more relaxed way by the parents.  Youngest children often have a more difficult time in making the transition to adulthood.

10. Feelings of First Born Children "Everyone depends on me." "I can't get away with anything." "I don't get to be a kid." "Why do I have to do it? Nobody else does anything around here." "How come I'm responsible for what my little brother or sister did?"

11. Oldest Child  Usually set up as an example to the other children.  Treated more like an adult by his/her parents.  A high achiever.  Given and accepts more responsibility than the other children.  Usually college-bound.  Independent.  Affectionate.

12. First Born Personality Traits Confident Determined Born leader Organized Eager to please Likes to avoid trouble

13. Feelings of Middle Children  "I'm tired of being left out of things."  "Nobody understands me!"  "Nobody ever listens to me!"  "I'm always in the shadow of my older sister/brother."  "My youngest brother/sister gets away with everything."

14. Middle Child  May work extra-hard to get recognition.  Is usually a peacemaker.  Is somewhat average in schoolwork, but is an all- around good student.  Is usually a calm, even- tempered adult.

15. Middle Child Personality Traits Roll with it Great negotiator Lots of loyal friends

16. Feelings of Youngest Children  "I have to work hard to get other people to pay attention to me!"  "Nobody takes me seriously."  "Everyone treats me like I'm younger than I am."

17. Youngest Child  Gets a lot of attention, along with a lot of bossing.  May be spoiled.  Usually matures quickly.  May be undisciplined and irresponsible.  Is easy-going about school.  Likes to associate with someone who takes charge of situations.

18. Youngest Personality Traits Persistent Great story teller Affectionate

19. Feelings of Only Children (or child born after a 5 year interval)  "I didn't do as well as I should have."  "Sometimes I feel lonely."  "I would be much happier with a brother or sister."  "I'm not getting enough attention."

20. Typical Only Children  spend a lot of time with adults  are the center of parental attention  learn responsibility early on  have high expectations of themselves  are independent and self-reliant

21. Only Children (or child born after a 5 year interval) Personality Traits: Confident Pays attention to detail Good in school It’s MINE! Overly critical

22. Famous People First Born Children: Bill Cosby, George W. Bush, Hilary Rodham Clinton, Oprah Winfrey and Jessica Simpson. Middle Born Children: Jay Leno, Donald Trump, Susan B. Anthony, Barbara Walters

23. Famous People Youngest Children: Drew Carey, Jim Carey, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, Whoopi Goldberg Only Children: Robert DeNiro, Natalie Portman, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Tiger Woods and Charlize Theron

24. Some special birth orders and considerations….  When more than five years separate siblings their psychological birth order (the way they are actually treated in the family) may be different than their actual birth order would indicate.  When there are more than ten years between siblings the youngest may be treated more like an only.  Blended families have dynamics all their own.  Being the only child of a particular gender usually influences how you are treated in the family.

25. Blended families mean a shift in birth order, new territorial squabbles, and family rules which might clash. Blended Families

26. Forming a stepfamily with young children is usually easier than forming one with adolescents. Both biological and step- parents will find it helpful to understand basic child development so they don't mistake developmentally normal behaviors as inappropriate, uncooperative or hostile towards them. How does the age and gender of the children affect blending families?

27. New Birth Order and Sibling Relationships First Borns: Only one can be first. When a 12-year-old girl must hand over her leadership position to a 13-year-old stepsister, things may not be pretty. If two 10-year-old boys become "almost twins", there could be a battle, either physically or verbally, to determine which one is top dog.

28. Middle Children: Parents should give special consideration to the kids in the middle. Each boy and girl needs some alone time (even a few minutes) each day with his or her biological parent. Middle children often know how to compromise and get along, but they shouldn't get lost in the shuffle. New Birth Order and Sibling Relationships

29. Last Borns: Only one child can be the cute, cuddly baby of the family. An impish "Dennis the Menace" might find himself upstaged by a younger, more precocious "Shirley Temple". Only Children: This special child must learn to share. Only children can be thrown into a lion's den of brothers and sisters who have spent years learning how to negotiate, compete, and form alliances. New Birth Order and Sibling Relationships

30. New Babies Born into a Blended Family: Studies have shown that children born into a new marriage get more attention than the older stepchildren. It is important for moms and dads to do their best to give equal status to the older kids.

31. Remember  Birth order is not an exact science.  The way we learn to fit into our family can influence how we fit into the larger world beyond our immediate family.  Being sensitive to and aware of the dynamics of birth order can help us to be better parents.  Your birth order is just one small aspect to your unique personality.

32. Sibling Rivalry  Competition among children of the same family for their parents’ affections or for dominance.  It can occur at any age, even into adult life.  Next to the parent-child relationship, the sibling relationship is probably the strongest.

33. Sharing  Do you quarrel a lot with your brothers and/or sisters?  What angers you or makes you jealous of your siblings?  How do your parents handle your sibling battles?

34. Space Possessions Achievements Individual Identities Parental Love Attention Reasons for Rivalry

35. More Reasons for Rivalry  Their basic needs are not being met.  Sometimes kids fight just to get attention.  Some children need companionship but do not know how to get it from their sibling.  Power within the family.

36. Ways to Reduce Conflict  Let siblings express their feelings  Don't compare siblings with each other  Let your children decide whether they want to share

37. Ways to Reduce Conflict  Try to spend individual time with each child  Praise your children for who they are as well as what they do  Help your children accept their frustrations

38. Ways to Reduce Conflict  Don't take sides in sibling fights  Let children work out differences  Praise your children for any improved behavior

39. Helping Work Out Differences When sibling rivalry turns into real fighting, parents must step in. A parent's job is to protect children from physical or emotional injuries.

40. Communication is the Key  Find time to spend with the children  Really listen and hear  Teach problem solving  Project what may be reason to argue and eliminate before it happens!