1. Revising the Rough Draft I tried NOT to repeat ideas here that I already put in the other ppt. PLEASE check BOTH ppts. to make sure you’ve covered everything.

2. Clarity and Content Are you really saying what you’re trying to say?

3. Thesis Statement Give your essay to your neighbor. Have your neighbor hi-light your claim. If your neighbor: –can’t identify your claim –Hi-lights something other than what you perceive to be the claim You need to REVISE Thesis should be LAST sent. of intro.

4. Topic Sentences Give your essay to a different neighbor. Have your neighbor hi-light the topic sentence of each paragraph. If your neighbor: –can’t identify each topic sentence –Hi-lights something other than what you thought was each topic sentence You need to REVISE

5. Body Paragraphs Make sure that NIETHER the first or last sentence of each body paragraph is a quote! Does your quoted material clearly connect with and support the claim and/or topic sentence? Is the importance/relevance of each quote clearly explained? Does this paragraph contribute to the overall development of your claim? How does the body paragraph end? 1.summary of ideas 2.transition into next paragraph 3.relates back to topic sentence 4.still discussing last quote 5.plot/story detail (ONLY #1, #2, and #3 are acceptable endings)

6. Repetition Read your intro. Skip your body paragraphs. Read your conclusion. Underline in red any repetitive sentences, words, and ideas in the intro and conclusion. Re-write if they sound too similar. Read each body paragraph. Have you overused words such as: –Important, critical, utilizes, explains, shows, portrays, issue, society, etc. Hi-light the word if you use it more than two times in the paragraph. Try to come up with a synonym.

7. Variety of Sentence Structure Is there a variety of sentence structure? If you are worried about sentence variety, try this: Using two different colored markers or pencils, underline every sentence in your paper. This is a visual way to gauge your sentence variety Do the sentences all look the same? Are they all the same length? If so, try to combine short sentences or break up too-long sentences to vary the structure of your paper.

8. Lack of Specificity Watch out for unidentified pronouns. –Lesson from yesterday: THIS – watch out for it! This needs to be followed by a NOUN. –Look for the words: he, she, it, that, them, they, etc. Do not use those words in a sentence or a paragraph without first explaining who the pronouns reference.

9. Pronoun Agreement This is one of Shelley’s BIGGEST pet peeves: Incorrect plural pronouns modifying your singular subject –EX: A person (singular) needs to follow their (plural) individual conscience rather than conform to society’s standards. –A person must follow his conscience. OR his or her conscience. –Default in English is he, but you can put he or she if you prefer. Also, anytime you modify a person, or the word people, audience, readers, etc., the following pronoun is WHO not that. –EX: A person WHO follows his conscience does not necessarily have to defy society.

10. Last Names Refer to both the authors of your evidence and your novel and real-life people from your book by their Last Names, not their first. –If the author of your evidence is Harold Bloom, use his entire name the first time you mention him and every other time, it’s “Bloom explains that…” If your book is non-fiction, or if you’re talking about the author of your novel, use the LAST NAME of the author or the real-life main character. You may use the first name of fictional characters in your novel.

11. Quotations

12. Quotations from Sources Look at all your quotes. You need to document them. After the quotation marks, BEFORE THE PERIOD, you need parenthetical documentation. “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Last name #). ALWAYS put commas INSIDE quotes. –This is my sentence “with some quote, ” but I keep writing more sentence (Last name #). Does every single quote have parenthetical documentation? –Underline any quotes without parenthetical documentation. Are any of the quotes exceptionally long (2 or more lines or sentences)? –Draw a squiggly line under any quote you think is too long.

13. Documentation Punctuation If the quote is from the novel, you need the pg. # from the book. –“Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Mayer 113). If the quote is from the Ebsco database or Literary Reference Center, you need the author’s last name and page number if there is one. –“Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Jones 145). If there is no page number, just cite the author’s last name. –“Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Smith). If there is no page number because it’s a website, just cite the author’s last name. DO NOT make up your own number or put a 1 in the parenthetical documentation. –YES: “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Smith). –NO: “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Smith 1).

14. Documentation Punctuation If there is no author, just cite EITHER the name of the website or the name of the “Article Entry” (like if it’s from an encyclopedia or something. “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Psychology Today). “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (The New York Times). –I DON’T put TheNewYorkTimes.com because the name of the website is just the same thing as the name of the newspaper. The URL might be TheNewYorkTimes.com, but just the name of the website (found towards the top of the web page) is The New York Times. “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (“The Roaring Twenties”). –This is an encyclopedia article entitled “The Roaring Twenties” which is put inside quotes because it is an article title. Let’s say the article title is REALLY LONG. EX: “National Parties Watch Closely as Florida Votes in House Race” Only cite the first couple words – STILL in quotes “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (“National Parties”).

15. Documentation Punctuation If you put the author’s name in your sentence, you don’t need it again in the citation. (It’s not wrong if you do put it in, but you don’t need to) –Knight views the symbolism in the play as a "creation and destruction pattern" (164). –"A fully articulated pastoral idea of America," claims Leo Marx, "did not emerge until the end of the eighteenth century" (89). If you put the author’s name in your sentence, and there is no page number because the source came from a website, you can substitute the name of the website in the documentation. –According to Clyde Jones, "Frost revives the themes of the early nineteenth-century romantics" (Psychology Today).

16. Documentation Punctuation Let’s say your quote is on more than one page. EX: starts at the bottom of pg. 202 and continues on to pg. 203. You ONLY need to cite the first pg. 202, NOT also pg. 203. YES: “Quote. Quote Quote” (Franz 202). NO: “Quote. Quote Quote” (Franz 202-203).

17. Quoting Other Quotes My article is by Jones. On pg. 45, Jones quotes from Smith. Jones’ article looks like this: “Hester feels no remorse” (Smith 138). I want to use Jones’ quote of Smith in my essay. Use three quotation marks. Single quotes around Smith’s words; double quotes around Jones’ words. –The author “takes issue with ‘Hester feels no remorse’ (Smith 138) because she tries to repent” (Jones 145). This Ex. has not only the Smith quote but also some of Jones’ writing too. –Jones disputes the assertion that “‘Hester feels no remorse’ (Smith 138)” (45). This Ex. gives the parenthetical doc. of Smith. Left off Jones in the parenthetical doc. at the end because I mention him in my sentence. –Jones disputes Smith’s assertion that “‘Hester feels no remorse’ (138)” (45). Left off Jones’ parenthetical doc. of (Smith 138) in this Ex. because Jones mentions Smith’s name in his sentence but still have to mention where Jones found it from: (138). That (138) is inside the quotes because Jones made that citation, not me.

18. Ellipses and Brackets To indicate material omitted in the middle of your quote, use an ellipsis… You do NOT need one at the beginning/end of the quote. Just start and end using the part of the quote that you want. –Hawthorn writes that "Robin gazed with dismay and astonishment... The effect was as if of two individual devils, a fiend of fire and a fiend of darkness, had united themselves to form this infernal visage" (887). –Singer writes that, "His thoughts turned to matters of business... It was easier to think about practical matters" (279). Use brackets [ ] to indicate editorial changes that you must make to clarify the quotation or improve the grammatical structure of your sentence. –"She looked carefully for the place where [Elizabeth] had entered the garden" (65). –Flaubert says that "she [has] an excess of energy" (97).

19. Revising for Formal Tone Adopt an authoritative tone, avoiding words such as should, maybe, seems, could, possibly, etc.

20. Active vs. Passive or To-Be Verbs Try to minimize your use of the words is and are. Re-write to use stronger verbs. Check out the Describing Language link towards the top of the AP section on the teacher website. EX: Change “Ellison is ostracized from society.” to “Society ostracizes Ellison.” Look for times when you use is + -ing verb. Change to just the verb. EX: O’Brien argues that war is devastating to the veteran soldiers. O’Brien argues that war devastates the veteran soldiers.

21. Eliminating Overused Words Hi-light any of the following words. Real/Really, a lot, some, thing, pretty, very, stuff, it, till (use until), like, get/got, just, basically, good/bad ELIMINATE all of those words entirely. ELIMINATE the phrase the reason is because from your paper. This phrase is redundant. Use formal tone throughout the essay. REMOVE any slang or informal language: kid, guy, awesome, etc.

22. ONCE AGAIN REMOVE THE WORDS IT AND THING FROM YOUR ESSAY. YOU ARE AN AP STUDENT; YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN IT AND THING. Same with the words something and everything. Try to be more specific than these words also.

23. Eliminating 1 st Person Hi-light any of the following words: you, I, we, me, us, our, etc. I think/feel/believe, you can tell, we can see, My next reason, Hawthorne is teaching us, etc. ELIMINATE all of those words entirely. There is no first person in formal writing.

24. Literary Present Tense Are all of the verbs in literary present tense? –Ralph Ellison is ostracized… –The author cites evidence… If not, circle the verb and write VT next to any verbs in the wrong tense.

25. Apostrophes Look for all apostrophes. There are no contractions in formal writing (unless inside a quote). Mark out all the contractions and replace them with the appropriate words. –Can’t = can not –It’s = it is –Doesn’t = does not –He’s = he is –they’re = they are –etc.

26. Sentence Beginnings Do any of your sentences start with any of the following words? –And, but, well, so, or, now If so, re-write the beginning of the sentence to eliminate them.

27. Sentence Beginnings DO NOT start your sentences with: –It is –There are –This is You are an AP student. You can do better than beginning your sentences with such non-specific pronouns and to-be verbs. Try to take these out of the middle of sentences too, please. NO: There are many reasons for Ellison’s internal struggle. YES: Ellison’s internal struggle exists for many reasons. YES: Many reasons contribute to Ellison’s internal struggle.

28. Sentence Structure Mistakes you shouldn’t be making… Are all your sentences complete sentences? Do they all begin with capital letters? Do they all have periods at the end? Are there any fragments (too short) or run-ons (too long)? Are there any comma splices (two complete sentences separated by only a comma)?

29. Punctuation and Mechanics

30. Subordinating Conjunctions Look for sentences that START with subordinating conjunctions: –However, although, if, even though, when, because, while, since, after Do the sentences starting with these words include a comma? If not, they need one. If one of these words occurs in the middle of the sentence, you DO NOT need a comma.

31. Commas Hi-light EVERY SINGLE COMMA in your essay. Count how many you have. If the answer is six or less, you probably need to add some. If you are not sure about comma usage, ask your teacher PLEASE Check the Comma Explanation in the other ppt.

32. Exclamation Points Unless it’s inside a quote, remove all exclamation points. Using exclamation points too much detracts from their effectiveness. Nothing! is that exciting! in formal writing!

33. Book Title Look for every time you reference the novel. Book titles are always UNDERLINED or italicized with NO quotations marks. –Make sure you use the same format in the entire essay. Be consistent! –The Handmaiden’s Tale– underlined –The Handmaiden’s Tale – italicized Article titles should have quotation marks and NOT be underlined. –“Article Title” – in quotes –“Article Title contains The Handmaiden’s Tale”

34. Article Titles Every word of your “Article Title” should be capitalized, except for really short words (a, is, the, of, etc.) –It just happens that my examples all have colons, but that’s purely coincidental. EX: “Careless People: Murder, Mayhem, and the Invention of The Great Gatsby.” “Gatsby: The Cultural History of the Great American Novel.” –Capitalize The because it’s the first word to the post- colon subtitle. “The Passion of Gatsby: Evocation of Jesus in Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby.”

35. Spelling Skim your paper. Hi-light any word you think might not be spelled correctly. Not sure? Ask your teacher. Common Misspellings: –Affect (verb = to change) –Effect (noun = a result) –Separate –Familiar –Believe, Field/Chief –Receive –Occurrence/Occasion –Develop –Appearance –Judgment (only 1 E) –Knowledge/Knowledgeable –Sufficient –Reference –Remember, Tomorrow –Conscience/Conscious –Definitely

36. Homonyms These words sound similar, but are spelled the differently. Spell check won’t catch it, so you need to. –To/too/two –their/there/they’re = they are –Feel/fell –Where/were –Definitely/defiantly The word DEFINITELY has no letter A.

37. MLA Format

38. Does the essay have a title? Is the essay double-spaced? Is the essay written in 12-pt. font? Is the essay written in Times New Roman, or something equally as readable? Are there 1-inch margins? Does the essay use proper MLA heading at the top? –Student Name –Ms. Shelley –English III AP, Per. 4 –14 March 2014

39. Works Cited Does the essay include a Works Cited Page? Is the title WORKS CITED centered at the top in all capital letters without bold or underline? Do the entries on the Works Cited Page match what you have quoted in your essay? Is YOUR NOVEL on your works cited page? Are the entries on the Works Cited Page in alphabetical order? Is the 2 nd + line of each entry properly indented?