1. M4L Lesson 12: What is the key to better relationships? Learn why other people matter. © Paul T. P. Wong

3. An Overview  Our well-being depends on meeting the primary need for relationship.  Our hell comes from broken relationships & interpersonal aggression.  Other people matter: from ME to WE.  The PURE way to build better relationships.

4. We are made for each other

5. We are social animals

6. Fear of loneliness is the other side of our need for relationship

7. Our brains are relational "Interpersonal relationships that are attuned to promote the growth of integrative fibers in the brain. It is these regulatory fibers that enable the embodied brain to function well and for the mind to have a deep sense of coherence and well-being.” Daniel Siegel "Mindsight"

10. We create hell for each other

11. The four main causes of interpersonal conflicts 1. Self-centered pursuits 2. Too much stress 3. Failure in communication 4. Bias and prejudice

12. What is The Leading Cause of Divorce?

13. Gottman: The 4 horsemen of Apocalypse

14. Other people matter

15. Why other people matter  The ME is WE -- family, friends & community.  We all belong to the human family.  We are all bearers of the image of God.  Our well-being depends on relating well to people.  The good life depends on balancing personal needs with the common good.  The golden rule is a universal basis for justice and morality and foundation for the good life.

16. Agency vs. communion: Two primary motivations

17. From ME to WE is the key

19. Buber’s I-Thou relationship I Thouit

20. The Meaning-Centered Approach to better relationships P Shared P urpose Mutual U nderstanding Assume R esponsibility E njoy Each Other

21. Shared Purpose  Do you share the same core values & moral principles?  What is your ideal of a fulfilling life? What is your spouse’s?  What are the activities do you enjoy doing together?  What do you want to accomplish together now?  Do you share the same priorities in planning for the future?

23. Mutual Understanding  Do you know what is troubling your spouse right now?  Do you know what still keeps you together in spite of the conflicts you have experienced together?  What is the most frequent trigger to marital quarrels? Why?  Do you know each other’s aspirations and dreams?  What is the most serious unresolved issue between the two of you? Why has it been left unresolved to this date?

25. Responsible Action  Do you blame your spouse for family problems?  Do you take personal responsibility for your own happiness?  Have you delivered most of the promises you have made?  Do you readily admit your mistakes and apologize?  Do you frequently forgive each other’s mistakes?  In terms of priorities, where does your spouse rank?  Are you willing to step out of your comfort zone and do something to make your partner happy?

28. Enjoy Each Other

29. Conclusion  What makes life worth living is family, friends and serving the common good.  Other people matter more than possessions and position  Change our thinking from ME to WE  Apply the PURE principle to build relationships