1. A Narrative Analysis Narelle Whatley, Ph.D Candidate University of Tasmania School of Social Science - Social Work Narelle.whatley@utas.edu.au

2.  Anticipation of Abuse  Presence of Abuse  Aftermath of the Abuse

3.  Sensory Vigilance  Anxious Sleeplessness  Constant Underlying Tension  Assessing Danger Anticipation of Abuse

4. “So noises, you know. Hearing the keys, hearing the car coming home, that was enough. I would be armed and ready. Just his presence. Yeah, just him coming home was enough to be on the ready”. Billie

5. “So it’s not just the physical stuff you know, it’s the ‘What if’s?’ and it’s the, ‘He might’s’ and it’s ‘Is this right?’ ‘Is that a problem?’ It's just the constant being on edge.” Anna

6. “I would be woken up, often. Sometimes by something breaking or a door slamming or sometimes by a scream…sometimes by loud voices and I got to the point where I was afraid to go to sleep.” Kelly

7. “It is amazing how children can read faces. You know., and you would think ohhhhh, an instant assessment! Probably, I don’t know, but probably children in a happy environment don’t do that. But children in a violent environment do it for survival.” Linda

8.  Hearing Abuse  Seeing Abuse  Feeling Abuse The Presence of Abuse

9. “I have a very vivid memory of ‘Peter, No! Peter, No’, and that can go through my head and even saying it now I can hear her going, ‘Peter no, please no. Peter No.’ So for me that, that, that memory is the strongest memory. That voice memory, not so much of what I saw.” Sabrina

10. “He broke my sister’s arm when we were kids……I used to go to school with bruises all over me. I used to make out to them that I fell over, ‘cause we didn't want to get dad into trouble or anything.” Sharon

11.  Recognising the Signs of Violence  Attending to the Injured  Confusing and Incongruent Atmosphere  Being Required to Forgive Perpetrators Life in the Wake of Abuse

12. “I remember standing at the bathroom door thinking she was dead. That was my impression, I remember thinking ‘Oh my god, he has really killed her this time’.” Indy

13. “He was crying over the tub and I said, so, 'It’s okay dad', like but part of it wasn't okay. …..but I kind of saw that he was really sorry for what he did and so, I just sort of chose in that moment to forgive him and go, 'No, it's okay, don't worry' and probably I did what mum did, does and turned it round and blamed myself for it.” Sam

14. “Mum would have a black eye or cut on her face or fat lip or and I remember sitting there and just continuing on like nothing has happened. I remember thinking 'What the hell is going on here Mum?’ It was like the physical wounds were there but it was business as usual.” Indy

15.  Violation of Physical Integrity and Property  Denying Respect and Autonomy  Depravation of Social Connectedness  Denying Access to Resources

16. “He just wanted quiet and order and neatness and........none of that is consistent with having kids. You know, don't disrupt me. I want this. Don't get in the way of that. Don't touch my things. Don't move them. Don't!” Anna

17. “We were both told how useless we were. We were always the reason that he failed in life.” Linda

18. “I could never argue. In fact I could never show my emotions ‘cause if I showed my emotions dad would get angry.” Ellen

19. “The worst is to be portrayed as to the world at large of you being the liar when you are the one who is telling the truth; That stays with you because you doubt yourself.” Rachael

20. “We got this big house with a pool but everyone knew everyone's business and I don't think it suited. I think we lasted a few years and bounced back again where people minded their own business a bit more.” Sabrina

21.  Abuse as part of family life  Complicating Actions  Abuse as a Violation of Rights

22. “It was home and what else did I know? What was the alternative? Really there wasn't a viable alternative. And I don't think that I ever even considered that there might be.” Anna

23. “So I sort of fell into a role of feeling responsible for making sure that I was the one that would make sure that she lived another day.” Indy

24. “Every time I reacted it would just, instead of taking it out on me, he took it out on mum again. So.....you know, everything just had to be held inside.” Linda

25. “It wasn't until you got older that you see how other kids interacted with their parents that you realised...ohhhh, what's wrong. So it is not until you get something that you balance that against.” Michelle

26. “I remember being in other people’s homes and thinking.....this is really different. Ever since then I have questioned. I had in my head very strongly that they were right and we were wrong. But I don't think I put my finger on it, exactly what it was.” Sabrina

27. “I had that one teacher who didn't just, other teachers had comforted me when I told them what was happening, but I had that one who was really so active about getting me the hell out of there.” Rachael

28. “I was very angry. I have a very big part of me that is about justice...and I think it came from that time of 'this is not just, this is not right, you don't get to get away with this every day!’” Cat

29. “I sort of switched from being fearful to being aggressive. I remember thinking, ‘Enough is enough! If she is not going to stand up to you, I am!’ Indy

30. “I knew it was wrong, so why aren’t these people saying no? And why are they all sweeping it under the carpet? Yeah, but that is all part of life; so this must be normal.” Billie

31. “I remember at about 7, not with dad, we didn't do this with dad, because I was scared of him, I was really scared of him. But I remember about 7 I really started questioning mum’s actions.” Sabrina

32. “He went upstairs, went to sleep. I walked around the house, walked around and walked around and thought 'Jesus, is this our life?' I've got the rifle......and I had it about a foot away from his head.....I couldn't pull the trigger. I wish I had, but I couldn't. You know, I didn't know why, but I thought if no one else could help, you know.” Linda

33.  Not to be like Dad  Parenting  Respectful Intimate Relationships  To Have a Voice  To be Independent

34. Thank you for your time today and for listening to the stories of people who have found it difficult to find a place to share their experiences.