2.  All examples are taken from student answers to the Timed Writing question about George Bernard Shaw's letter concerning his mother's cremation.

3.  The quality of your commentary is THE main factor in determining whether you get a high or a middle score on the AP essay questions. If you don’t have genuine commentary, you will get a low score.

4. Basic or Low Levels of Analysis  Makes inferences about the passage’s meaning (interprets)  Asserts or states that a particular technique has a particular effect  Identifies a specific part or aspect of the text that shows the techniques or leads to the inference under discussion  Is accurate in its interpretation & assertions  Is on topic, that is, it actually connects to what the prompt asked for  Gives the text a context, both in terms of the passage as a whole and in terms of the prompt’s tasks.

5. MEDIUM Level of Analysis—does all the BASIC tasks PLUS  Makes connections between specific examples OR between a specific example and the piece as a whole  Attempts genuine analysis (explaining HOW) as opposed to reader reaction (telling how it makes you feel)  Shows understanding of the passage beyond the literal level & the obvious  Helps to answer the question that was asked  Deals with levels of meaning other than the literal (connotation, metaphor, symbol)

6. HIGH Level of Analysis – does all the MEDIUM and BASIC tasks PLUS  Takes the time and space needed to thoroughly explain HOW we get from technique to effect ( gets to the HOW)  Uses appropriate technical language (vocabulary of literary analysis) correctly  States explicitly a connection to the thesis & prompt (the “so what?”)  Deals with abstract concepts in clear, understandable language  Demonstrates an overall grasp of both the passage as a whole and the requirements of the prompt

7.  REMEMBER that commentary NEVER paraphrases or summarizes !

8. WHAT DISTINGUISHES HIGH LEVEL COMMENTARY FROM MIDDLE AND LOW LEVEL? 1. Commentary must actually explain, not just assert. 2. Commentary must show understanding beyond the obvious. 3. Commentary takes as much space as is needed to really explain what the writer understands from the quote. 4.Whenever possible, commentary uses the appropriate technical term for the technique being discussed. 5. Obviously, commentary must be correct. 6. Commentary must connect to the question ; that is, it must actually help answer the question that was asked.

9. 1. Commentary must actually explain, not just assert. 1. Commentary must actually explain, not just assert.  LOW-- Shaw says that his mother's cremation "is wonderful." This shows that he feels wonder at the ceremony.  [This is an assertion, not an explanation! Try to avoid phrases like “this shows that” or “this proves that” because they are almost always assertions rather than explanations. Also note that the supposed commentary merely repeats what was in the quote – “wonderful”/wonder.]

10. Example of Medium Level Analysis  In the actual cremation process, Shaw describes it as being miraculous, having "a garnet colored, lovely flame... and my mother became that beautiful fire." Shaw's attitude portrays no regrets, sadness or remorse. He explains his mother's cremation with descriptive details of wonderment and happiness.

11.  [This is an improvement over the Low example in that it does interpret the quote by stating what Shaw’s attitude is. It also states a technique, “descriptive details”. However, it does NOT specify particular words from the quote nor does it attempt to explain a connection between particular words and the attitude it posits]

12. Example of High Level of AnalysisExample of High Level of Analysis  Shaw uses words throughout this piece that are incongruously juxtaposed to the funeral setting. Shaw comments about the furnace used to cremate his mother: "...but it is wonderful." Contrary to convention, "wonderful" is not typically used to describe crematory furnaces, and therefore adds to the whimsical tone...

13.  [ This improves on both the Low & Medium examples because it does attempt to explain how. It not only uses the technical term but specifies its connection to this passage. It puts the quote in a context. It attempts to explain a connection between the technique and the mood.]

14. 2. Commentary must show understanding beyond the obvious.2. Commentary must show understanding beyond the obvious.  LOW-- Shaw makes the furnace sound pleasant by using words like "clean, cool and sunny.”  [ Making a connection between” clean, cool & sunny” and “pleasant” requires very little thought or imagination.]

15.  MEDIUM-- When waiting to see her cremated, he describes the furnace as being "cool, clean and sunny". By describing it as such, he conveys to his audience that the cremation is also beautiful and not a bad thing.

16.  This is better than the Low because it does more: it provides a context for the quote; it suggests a connection between the quote and the whole passage (furnace to cremation) and it attempts to explain how the effect is created.

17.  BETTER-- He uses words such as "wonderful, clean, cool and sunny" to describe the furnace. He does this not to sound crazy, but to show that where his mother is going is not a bad place. He is using the furnace to show his mother's entrance into heaven. Words such as sunny, miraculously, and beautiful all connote a heavenly aspect to the reader's mind.

18.  This is better than the other two because it actually takes the obvious interpretation (he’s crazy) and explains how Shaw is doing the opposite. It also uses a technical term and deals with higher levels of meaning.

19. 3. Commentary takes as much space as is needed to really explain what the writer understands from the quote.  LOOK AT THE EXAMPLES FOR POINT 2.  Length is not necessarily good, but the "better" example took the time to state explicitly which words in the quote were important and exactly what the effect of the words in the quote was.

20. 4. Whenever possible, commentary uses the appropriate technical term for the technique being discussed.  MEDIUM-- He ends the excerpt by giving a description of the preparation of the ashes. He said, "the end was wildly funny; Mama would have enjoyed it enormously." He also says that it was a "merry episode." These last 2 comments show that he was at peace with his decision.

21.  [ This commentary talks all around the point without actually making it. HOW do they show he was at peace?? Through connotation, but the writer never says so.]

22.  BETTER-- The persona is in first person singular, then it changes to first person plural after the persona comes back to see the end of the cremation. Shaw's mother in spirit follows him back to the end of the cremation, "[enjoying] it enormously", which means she is free from her body and is now at peace to laugh, just like the persona.

23.  [ Notice that the use of technical language in the first sentence allows the writer to make the point clearly and succinctly.]

24. 5. Obviously, your analysis must be correct.5. Obviously, your analysis must be correct.  NOT TRUE-- "O grave where is thy victory?" This comment shows that Shaw believes cremation is more dignified than burial.  [ Um, no it doesn't ]

25. 6. Commentary must connect to the question ; that is, it must actually help answer the question that was asked.  OFF-TOPIC-- The entire piece moves like one interminable run on sentence, keeping the pace moving very fast.  [ While this may be true, it has nothing to do with Shaw's attitude toward either his mother or her cremation.]