1. Looking Out/Looking In Fourteenth Edition 9 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships CHAPTER TOPICS Intimacy in Close Relationships Communication in Families Communication in Friendships Communication in Romantic Relationships Improving Close Relationships

2. 2 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships WHIP AROUND If you could do anything for 6 months-no matter the restrictions (e.g. money, responsibilities, etc), what would you do? Think about this question. Be prepared to share aloud with the whole class.

3. 3 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships INTIMACY IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Dimensions of Intimacy Physical Intellectual Emotional Shared Activities Some relationships exhibit all four dimensions Other relationships exhibit only one or two

4. 4 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships INTIMACY IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Masculine and Feminine Styles Research shows that women are somewhat more willing than men to share their feelings In terms of amount and depth: Female – Female were at the top Male – Female came in second Male – Male had the least disclosure Biological sex is not as important as the chosen gender role when expressing emotion Generalizations do not apply to every person

5. 5 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships INTIMACY IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Cultural Influences on Intimacy Notions of public and private selves have changed dramatically Collectivist cultures Generally do not reach out to outsiders, often waiting until they are properly introduced before entering into conversation Individualistic cultures Make fewer distinctions between personal relationships and casual ones

6. 6 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships TURN TO PAGE 281 Take the IQ (Intimacy Quotient) Test Then answer a, b, and c under question 2 We will not share aloud, as this is a sensitive matter but it is meant to get you thinking about your intimacy in your own relationships.

7. 7 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships INTIMACY IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Intimacy in Mediated Communication Mediated communication can be just as personal as face-to- face interaction Relational intimacy may develop more quickly through mediated channels Intimate connections in cyberspace can also be problematic “Virtually unfaithful”

8. 8 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships INTIMACY IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS The Limits of Intimacy Most people want 4-6 close relationships in their lives Obsession with intimacy can lead to less satisfying relationships Intimacy is rewarding but it isn’t the only way of relating to others

9. 9 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES Characteristics of Family Communication Family communication is formative Family communication is role-driven Family communication is involuntary http://abc.go.com/shows/modern- family/video/PL5520993/VDKA0_4zu8mvx4 (Modern Family)http://abc.go.com/shows/modern- family/video/PL5520993/VDKA0_4zu8mvx4

10. 10 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES Characteristics of Family Communication Families as systems Family systems are interdependent Family systems are manifested through communication Family systems are nested Subsystems (lower levels) E.g. sister or brother Suprasystems (higher levels) E.g. neighbor Families are more than the sum of their parts

11. 11 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES Communication Patterns within Families Conversation orientation High conversation orientation Low conversation orientation Conformity orientation High-conformity families Low-conformity families

12. 12 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES Communication Patterns within Families Consensual High conversation, high conformity Pluralistic High conversation, low conformity Protective Low conversation, high conformity Laissez-faire Low conversation, low conformity

13. 13 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN FRIENDSHIPS Types of Friendships Youthful vs. mature Long term vs. short term Relationship oriented vs. task oriented High disclosure vs. low disclosure High obligation vs. low obligation Frequent contact vs. occasional contact

14. 14 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN FRIENDSHIPS Sex, Gender, and Friendship Same-sex friendships Cross-sex friendships Mutual romance, strictly platonic, one partner desires romance, one partner rejects romance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZ7pRCEWbkM (Friend Zone-bad)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZ7pRCEWbkM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvFBdlEGgcQ (Friend Zone-good)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvFBdlEGgcQ Friends with benefits

15. 15 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN FRIENDSHIPS Sex, Gender, and Friendship Gender considerations Sex role Sexual orientation

16. 16 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN FRIENDSHIPS Friendship and Social Media Internet has made friendship more complicated Social networking sites used primarily to maintain current friendships or to revive old ones Social media isn’t a replacement for face-to-face communication Means to support and rekindle friendships

17. 17 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships PAGE 283 ACTIVITY Read page 283 titled, “Romance in the Workplace” with a partner Discuss these questions: 1.Do you believe it is okay to date someone you work with? Why or why not? 2.Do other people’s romantic relationships in the workplace affect other people around them? 3.What are the benefits of dating someone you work with? 4.What are the downfalls of dating someone you work with? Be prepared to share your responses aloud with the class.

18. 18 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

19. 19 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships WHIP AROUND Think about your most embarrassing moment. Be prepared to quickly share aloud with the whole class.

20. 20 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS Ancient Greek Storge and philla Friendly love (e.g. “I love ya bro”) Pragma Practical, logical affinity (e.g. arranged marriages) Agape Selfless, altruistic compassion (e.g. care for a sick loved one) Mania=star struck love Eros=erotic love

21. 21 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS Romantic Turning Points Transformative events that alter the relationship Especially important in romantic relationships Often mark movement among stages Not all turning points are positive Can provide clues about the status of the relationship

22. 22 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS Couples’ Conflict Styles John Gottman – conflict styles Volatile= intense arguments https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QzGdqlaG-M (the notebook)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QzGdqlaG-M Avoidant=ignore the issue at hand Validating=openly manage conflict

23. 23 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships COMMUNICATION IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS Couples’ Conflict Styles Gary Chapman – love languages Words of affirmation Quality time Gifts Acts of service Physical touch Assumption your partner speaks same love language as you can be a setup for disappointment

24. 24 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships IMPROVING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Relationships Require Commitment Promise - sometimes implied, sometimes explicit – to remain in a relationship and make it successful Commitment formed and reinforced through communication Words aren’t surefire measure of commitment Deeds are also important

25. 25 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships AFFINITY SEEKING (CONT.) Relational Maintenance Strategies include: Positivity – upbeat, optimistic, noncritical Openness – involves disclosures about the relationship Assurance – emphasize the value of the relationship Networks – involve friends, family, coworkers Sharing Tasks – taking turns with responsibilities

26. 26 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships IMPROVING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Relationships Require Maintenance and Support Most used with family and friends Openness Social networks Most used with romantic partners Assurances

27. 27 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships IMPROVING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Relationships Require Maintenance and Support Social support Helping loved ones through challenging times Communication plays a central role Resources Emotional support Informational support Instrumental support

28. 28 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships IMMEDIACY IN COMMUNICATING Immediacy Definition: the cluster of communication behaviors, which increase perceived physical and psychological closeness between communicators Immediacy can be verbal and nonverbal, usually nonverbal since such behaviors communicate relational meaning of messages

29. 29 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships IMMEDIACY IN COMMUNICATING (CONT.) Gestures Smiles Varied voice Eye contact Appropriate touch Relaxed Casual Dress Stand still Little to no smiling Monotone voice No eye contact Moves away Folded arms Dress up a lot Immediate BehaviorsNon-immediate Behaviors

30. 30 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships IMMEDIACY IN COMMUNICATING (CONT.) Dangers of being overly immediate… May be perceived as intimate, when not necessarily desiring such a response May be perceived as a pushover, mistaken control or authority May increase communication that you did not want to increase Being too immediate could also violate someone’s expectations

31. 31 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships IMMEDIACY IN COMMUNICATING (CONT.) Benefits of immediacy in relationships… Increased communication More relaxed More attentive Increased liking Quality of marriage Increased listening

32. 32 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships IMPROVING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Repairing Damaged Relationships Types of relational transgressions Lack of commitment Distance Disrespect Problematic emotions Aggression

33. 33 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships IMPROVING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Repairing Damaged Relationships Relational transgressions Minor vs. significant Social vs. relational Deliberate vs. unintentional One-time vs. incremental

34. 34 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships IMPROVING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Repairing Damaged Relationships Strategies for relational repair Talk about the violation Take responsibility for the transgression Components of apology Expressing regret Accepting responsibility Making restitution Genuinely repenting Requesting forgiveness

35. 35 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships IMPROVING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS Repairing Damaged Relationships Forgiving transgressions Most effective conversations contain: Explicit statement Discussion of the implications of the transgression and future of relationship Some transgressions harder to forgive One way to improve ability to forgive is to recall times when you have mistreated or hurt others

36. 36 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships PAGE 303 ACTIVITY Ready page 303 titled, “Your Relational Transgressions” Answer questions 1-3 by yourself Be prepared to share aloud with the class

37. 37 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships CHAPTER REVIEW Intimacy in Close Relationships Communication in Families Communication in Friendships Communication in Romantic Relationships Improving Close Relationships