Presentation is loading. Please wait.

Presentation is loading. Please wait.

How to Listen so Parents will Talk and Talk so Parents will Listen Working Effectively with Parents.

Similar presentations


Presentation on theme: "How to Listen so Parents will Talk and Talk so Parents will Listen Working Effectively with Parents."— Presentation transcript:

1 How to Listen so Parents will Talk and Talk so Parents will Listen Working Effectively with Parents

2  Opening survey  Maybe...  It’s easy to be afraid of (or angry at) parents  Parents have special needs and interests  Parents can be very critical consumers  Parents sometimes say things that throw us off our helping/counseling game (Bite-back)

3  As Linda Braun of Families First Boston used to say: Because children are the future, parents are our focus.

4

5  This workshop is rated “PG”  A blend of personal discoveries and evidence  Caveats and excuses  This is YOUR workshop  Talking and not talking  Communicate respectfully  Opening survey  We will never get finished

6  The Portland VA Hospital – 1984  Basic common sense conclusion  One of the best ways to provoke people into misbehaving or into behaving in threatening ways is to ________________.

7  The foundation for working effectively with parents boils down to using your common relationship sense  Avoid being too bossy  Avoid being insulting  Avoid telling people they’re being stupid or silly  Avoid backing people into corners  Be respectful... And DO NOT live by the Satanic Golden Rule

8  Instead of following the SGR, use THESE PRINCIPLES  Empathic understanding  Radical acceptance  Collaboration  Positive feedback and validation  Because you are a: R_ _ _ M_ _ _ _

9  Listen before you educate

10  Two forms of empathy with parents  General – It’s hard to be a parent; parents worry about judgment... in the grocery story, by in- laws, etc. [They feel insecure and indignant]  Specific – Clean your room story ▪ Some parents will REALLY NEED to tell you a parenting story

11  Radical Acceptance as an Attitude (from DBT) “I completely accept you as you are and am fully committed to helping you change for the better”  We use this especially when parents say something extreme

12  Parent Volley: “I know it’s not popular, but I believe in spanking. When I was a kid, if I talked back I’d be picking myself up off the floor. Kids don’t have any discipline these days and as a parent, I have a right to parent my kids any way I want.”  Teacher/Counselor Return: “Thanks for being so honest about what you’re thinking. Lots of people believe in spanking and I’m glad you’re being straight with me about your beliefs.”

13  Believing in the usefulness of openness...  Understanding that some parents will posture...  Knowing the data on MI (and techniques like concession)

14  In the previous example, this is what happened:  Parent Response: “Yeah. Okay.”  Teacher/Counselor Return: “But I’m not all that positive about the picking yourself up off the floor thing.”  Parent Response: “Oh no. I didn’t mean I think that’s right.”

15  Group participation – Volunteer example  Thank you... because...

16  Practice with a partner  Case Example: Parent (speaking to the consultant about her adolescent son).  “I just can’t accept his homosexuality. I won’t tolerate sinful behavior in my home.”  Three Minute Practice

17  How do we bring collaboration into the room?  Not knowing or understanding too quickly (holding back your pearls of wisdom)  “Expert” dance with a parent as your partner

18  How do we facilitate collaboration?  Tell the parent(s): “You’re the best expert on your child and your family  Before offering your ideas, ask permission  Offer suggestions using an experimental attitude and mind set  Share “ideas” and not a definitive new plan

19  Watch for the opportunity to give positive feedback and validation  You really know your child well  You’ve been working on this a long time and have tried lots of different strategies  Your child is lucky to have you as a parent  Look under the anger and posturing  Love reframe story

20  We begin with empathic listening  We move to collaboration  We make sure to be radically accepting  We offer compliments and validation  We do all this so we can get to the main point:  Providing parents with specific parenting tips or guidance.

21  Self-Preparation  Initial Contact, Connection, and Assessment  Techniques

22  Preparing for button-pushing: Just like with challenging students  Responding to questions about your credentials or competence  Self-disclosure: When and how much and what kind? [Joining, empathic]

23 Meet, greet, and comfort (Mary Cover Jones: What did she use to extinguish fear?): What do you use? Role induction: As needed, explain the terrain If needed, obtain and provide a problem description (homework, classroom behavior) Honor the parent as expert by asking for the parent’s best explanation for the problem

24  Expressing support, offering compliments, and using universality  Identifying goals (ask permission to write them down)  Listening for backward behavior modification

25  Watch for:  Anything that seems comforting or reassuring  Complimenting  Goal-setting  Parent-child dynamics (e.g., backward behavior modification)

26  A New Attitude  Looking forward to the problem (like nightmares)

27  Whispering and Plans  The Whispering Story

28  Grandma’s Rule  When you, then you...

29  Use Passionate Praise and  Boring Punishment  Emma the Great

30  Special time  You be my little brother

31  Simultaneous empathy and limit-setting  Children at the fair

32  Mutual problem-solving  Vide clip 2 or story

33  Character feedback  Broccoli story

34  The Seven Magic Choice Theory Words  I want you... but it’s your choice

35  Everyday connection:  That Dog Don’t Hunt story

36  What will you remember?  What will you try out?  You’re the kind of counselors who...

37  The best spot for these is:  John’s blog at johnsommersflanagan.com

38

39  Go to: http://www.amazon.com/How-Listen- Parents-Will- Talk/dp/1118012968/ref=la_B0030LK6NM_1_ 7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1402967041&sr=1- 7http://www.amazon.com/How-Listen- Parents-Will- Talk/dp/1118012968/ref=la_B0030LK6NM_1_ 7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1402967041&sr=1- 7  http://counseling.org/publications/bookstore http://counseling.org/publications/bookstore

40  Gershoff, E. T. (2002). Corporal punishment by parents and associated child behaviors and experiences: A meta-analytic and theoretical review. Psychological Bulletin, 128(4), 539-579.  Holcomb-McCoy, C., & Bryan, J. (2010). Advocacy and Empowerment in parent consultation: Implications for theory and practice. Journal of Counseling and Development, 88, 259-268.  Johnson, D. C., Harrison, B. C., Burnett, M. F., & Emerson, P. (2003). Deterrents to participation in parenting education. Family & Consumer Sciences Research Journal, 31, 403-424.  Lassally, R. (2009). True mom confessions: Real moms get real. New York: Penguin Group

41  Murphy, J. J. (2008). Solution-focused counseling in middle and high schools. Alexandria, VA: American Counseling Association.  Sommers-Flanagan, J. (2011). How to listen so parents will talk and talk so parents will listen. Hoboken, NJ: Wiley.  Sommers-Flanagan, J. (2007). Single-session consultations for parents: A preliminary investigation. The Family Journal 15, 24-29.  Sommers-Flanagan, R., & Sommers-Flanagan, J. (2003). Problem child or quirky kid. Minneapolis: Free Spirit.  Vazquez, C. I. (2004). Parenting with pride Latino Style. New York: Harper-Collins


Download ppt "How to Listen so Parents will Talk and Talk so Parents will Listen Working Effectively with Parents."

Similar presentations


Ads by Google