1. Introducing the Writing Modules Elaboration

2. Definition of Elaboration Elaboration means to tell the reader more using Specific words Extensions (phrases, clauses) Onion-like layering of detail Specific strategies, e.g., anecdotes or scenario, examples, definitions, descriptions, quotations, statistics, and facts.

3. Elaboration Strategies ANECDOTES - a short narrative inserted into an essay that develops an idea or argument SCENARIO - hypothetical situation or event EXAMPLES - more specific information about an idea DEFINITIONS - restatement of an unfamiliar word or phrase to tell what it means STATISTICS and FACTS - the numbers (data) and information that help support your idea or argument QUOTATIONS - words someone says that can help support your idea or argument DESCRIPTIONS - a way to create vivid images for the reader- Show, not just tell, your reader. Be specific with your word choice. Try to create an image that appeals to your reader’s senses.

4. What does elaboration look like? ANECDOTES -- An anecdote is a short narrative inserted into an essay that develops an idea or argument. This sounds like... Hey, I remember the time when I had to carry my... Once when I was in middle school, the kids would always...

5. Develop your point with an anecdote. Student Sample You can’t give up, Jack. I remember one time when I played on the high school baseball team. We were losing, and it was the 8th inning. Everyone was getting discouraged, and then the coach said, “BOYS! You’ve got to RALLY here! Turn your ball caps around and GET OUT THERE!” So, Jack, turn your ball cap – I mean ATTITUDE -- around and get out there!

6. ANECDOTES - your turn Do you remember any teacher who told many stories as they were teaching? Or parents who told stories about “when they were young”? Think about a situation at school and write an anecdote that might illustrate that situation.

7. What does elaboration look like? EXAMPLES -- provide more specific information about an idea. Choose one to elaborate… The cats were all acting like they were crazy— … We had a barrage of different weather last week: … My brothers always seem to pick on me. Case in point, … Notice the use of transition words, as well as transition punctuation

8. Show, don’t tell. What is the difference between these two sentences? Which one is better and why? The room was a mess. Rumpled bedspread, piled up clothes, and jumbled dresser greeted me as I pushed my way into the room.

9. Definition of Telling and Showing Telling is the use of broad generalizations. Showing is the use of details, facts, statistics, examples, anecdotes, quotations, dialogue – elaboration– to develop, persuade, explain, or enliven a work of writing.

10. Telling Example Although it smelled horrible, the apothecary shop was fascinating.

11. Showing Example Then they visited the apothecary, which was fascinating enough to make up for its horrible smell, a mixture of bad eggs and rotted cabbages. Barrels of slimy stuff stood on the floor; jars of herbs, dried roots, and bright powders lined the walls; bundles of feathers, strings of fangs, and snarled claws hung from the ceiling… J.K.Rowling Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

12. Showing with Description White shirts are dumb. White shirts are hard to clean, show pizza stains, and make you look like a waiter in a cheesy restaurant.

13. Some General Sentences With a partner, discuss how to make these sentences show, rather than tell. Pick one and rewrite it on your own. The man in the car was angry. I was tired last night. The pizza was delicious. Lunch time is too short.

14. Layering Elaboration A thoughtful writer... layers one sentence after another. Each new sentence adds to or develops the thought … like rings around a bull’s-eye.

15. Listing vs. Layering Don’t add boring, list-like sentences just to make the paragraph longer. REMEMBER – length doesn’t always mean quality elaboration. List-like example - Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat at school. I love nachos. I like the pizza at school. Sometimes I order salad when I am feeling full. I have some favorite vegetables.

16. Layering sounds like Having lots of food choices is the reason why I like my school’s lunchroom. I can select my favorite foods for lunch everyday. I sometimes pick cheesy nachos with the melted cheese sauce smothered over the hot crispy chips. If I don’t want anything that greasy, like nachos or pizza, I can choose a “made-for-me” salad. This means I get to choose what goes on it and my favorite veggies, including olives, peppers, and tomatoes. The best thing is I can pick a food that fits my attitude that day. TOPIC

17. Another layering example Skiing down a Black Diamond run gives a rush like no other. What appears like a peaceful sport is really a contrast to the 50 mph feel of the wind in your face, waist-high moguls to weave in and out of while your thighs scream, “Stop!” With a wind chill of minus 10, you still have sweat dripping under your long johns as your adrenaline pumps through your veins. You can’t wait to get to the bottom of the run and do it again. TOPIC

18. Listing If I could be any age I think I would like to be 21 years of age. By the time I am 21, I will be out of school. I will have my own house and car. By the time I am 21, I will be able to receive my driver’s license (hopefully). I would also like to go to parties, but I will not drink and drive because….

19. Layering Looking back, it was the age [6] of ignorance. You weren’t required to understand everything around you which gave you a chance to use the expansive imagination that you had discovered only a few years earlier. A car didn’t have to be a car; it could be a magic train that expanded to a mile-long at the snap of your fingers. But now, at 15, a car must be a car and we must become familiar with it, if we want one of our own.

20. Layering - your turn Choose one of the following two topics. Then write a paragraph practicing elaboration by layering each sentence and developing the main idea. 1. The _______ at Hudson’s Bay is where the real education takes place at school. 2. _______ is what I live for on the weekends.

21. Grade 10 - Drama - student sample (Pre-lesson) Besides helping to forget the problems life throws at us for a while, acting is a fun learning experience. You get to pose as characters who are much different from yourself. You can be heroes or villains. Acting is also good because for a short period of time, you get to walk in someone else’s shoes. With acting, you can be whatever you like.

22. Grade 10 - Drama - student sample (Post-lesson) Besides helping to forget the problems life throws at us for a while, like bad grades on a test or fighting with your girlfriend, acting is a fun learning experience. You get to pose as characters who are much different from you, such as Vin Diesel, Ryan Atwood, or even Harry Potter. My friend Benjamin, who goes to Metro High School, had to play a really geeky guy in our school’s production of “Bye Bye Birdie.” Actually, he’s popular and plays drums in a band and could be a poster boy for Abercrombie. Acting is also good because for a short period of time, you get to walk in someone else’s shoes yourself. You can be an evil janitor, Martin Luther King, Jr., or a giant mouse. With acting you can be whatever you like.

23. What does elaboration look like? DEFINITIONS -- are a restatement of an unfamiliar word or phrase to tell the reader what it means. The best part of our hot lunch program is the A La Carte. What I mean is the little deli line-up past the lunch line where you can buy cookies, slushies, and candy bars.

24. Develop your point with a definition. One of the best programs at our school is something called Brainworks. Brainworks is an after-school program where kids go and do their homework. They even let you work on the computers there. I like it a lot because the lady who runs the program keeps everyone pretty quiet. At my house, I have 6 little brothers and sisters, and there is never a quiet place to work.

25. Definition - your turn Defining specific words shows an awareness of your audience--what they know and what they may not know. Talk to your partner about some of the “lingo” you hear at school. Write a definition of one word for your parents and then write a definition of that same word for a third grader. How did your definition change depending on the audience?

26. What does elaboration look like? STATISTICS and FACTS -- are the numbers (data) and information that help support your idea or argument. Mom, did you know that 98% of all my friends get to stay up until 1:00 AM on weekends? Well, Son, did you know that 3 out of every 4 parents would have grounded you for staying out so late? Kids who smoke at an early age are prone to heart attacks later in life.

27. Develop your point with facts and statistics. Another craze to sweep America was the low-carb diet. It was reported in the newspaper after the last holiday season that 67% of all Americans were low- carb dieting. Let me tell you the personal impact that has had on my family’s wheat farm here in Washington.

28. STATISTICS and FACTS – your turn Talk to a partner and come up with a statistic about school, e.g., number of football games won, number of friendly teachers, amount of time wasted in class. Think of what statistics would convince the audience. Share an idea with the whole group.

29. What does elaboration look like? QUOTATIONS -- are words someone says that can help support your idea or argument. “Spaying or neutering dogs and cats is the single best gift a pet owner can give.” Dr. Stein, the veterinarian from the animal shelter, agreed when he said,

30. Develop your point with quotations. Another reason to graduate from high school is that even technical jobs require a diploma. Jared Turner from Best Performance Welding magazine states, “We won’t even consider hiring a person without a high school diploma. Our workers need to read the job specs, monitor equipment performance, and write orders and reports.” Turner went on to describe the many qualified applicants who compete for the positions in his busy firm. This seems to be different from the good old days and makes a pretty decent point about staying in school.

31. QUOTATION – your turn Quotations or simple dialogue can add information and credibility to your idea or argument. Tell your table partners what a world famous principal and author of The Best Schools for Kids might say about your school. Write it down!

32. Quotations - your turn Talk to your partner about some possibilities of people you might quote regarding an issue at school. Take the statistic in your last example and turn it into a quotation. Share one example with the class.

33. What does elaboration look like? DESCRIPTIONS—are a way to create vivid images for the reader. The sound of my phone cut through the silent class, and I anxiously dug into my backpack to grab it before Mrs. Schuman, the writing teacher, noticed. Pawing through Chapstick, lipstick, gum wrappers and rubber hair wraps, my hand darted around the deep pockets of my backpack. “Must shut off ringer,”I thought.

34. Develop your point with description. Jackie walked slowly to the Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial exhibit. In her hands were two yellow daffodils that she had brought with her on the hour-long bus ride. Their green stems, snapped from the patch in the backyard, were slowly drying out.

35. Description - your turn Description can take many forms and still be effective. Show, don’t just tell, your reader. Be specific with your word choice. Try to create an image that appeals to your reader’s senses. Work with your partner and write a paragraph that describes your school’s cafeteria. Elaborate using sensory details.

36. Rocks are not as strong as CONCRETE. CONCRETE details are the specific, exact names of things. Using CONCRETE details will make your paper stronger, just like CONCRETE makes a building stronger. Concrete details are SPECIFIC.

37. Be specific. Your word choices do not have to be  Big words,  Fancy words,  Words from a thesaurus,  Single words, but can be phrases or clauses. Remember, to elaborate powerfully and effectively, you need to be SPECIFIC.

38. General vs. Specific Rewrite the sentence on the left, using specific and interesting language. School lunches are (good) (bad). Choose either side.