1. Talking about sexual orientation and gender There are all sorts of families and all sorts of relationships Talking about sexual orientation is not the same as talking about sexual activity

3. What is a family? Not all families live together Some children come from families with foster or adoptive parents Some children have less or more than two parents Some children have two mummies or two daddies

5. Think about some of the differences that exist between people. You could think about things like height and eye colour – or other differences like race, religion, gender or sexual orientation. Encourage children to think about how we all have things in common with other people and yet we are all special and unique in ourselves – we all share something, but not everything, with all the other people we know. There is nobody who is exactly like us – and nobody with whom we have nothing in common.

6. Fruit salads and fantastic fantasy families….

9. Blue is for… sky… jeans… and… ?

10. But not always for boys…

11. Pink is for… candy floss… flamingoes… and… ?

12. But not always for girls…

14. The Emperor Penguin In the coldest part of winter, when the temperature in Antarctica can reach forty degrees below zero, the female emperor penguin lays a single egg. Then she goes off to sea to feed and build her strength. The father penguin rolls the egg onto the top of his feet and covers it with his belly. Then he stands with hundreds of other father penguins for eight weeks, keeping his egg warm. Unable to hunt or to eat, the father penguin loses forty percent of his body weight before the egg hatches. The female returns just before the egg hatches. Now the father goes off to sea to feed and recover his strength. When he returns, both the father and the mother care for the chick.

15. Marmosets Marmosets are tiny South American monkeys. The fathers take care of their babies from birth. When the marmoset is born, the father cleans it, then carries it to the mother only when it needs to be nursed. When the baby can eat solid food, the father will feed it.

16. The Midwife Toad When the female midwife toad lays her eggs, they are tied together like two strings of pearls. The father carries these strings on his legs for three to four weeks. He sleeps during the day and hunts for insects at night. He makes sure that the eggs are kept moist by hopping through puddles and wet grass. When it is time, the father midwife goes to the pond and waits for his tadpoles to hatch and swim away.

17. Mummies and daddies Identify the sort of things that mummies and daddies do This might be at home, at work, how they take care of us etc If differences between the genders emerge, ask whether only mummies (or daddies) can do these things You can also use stories to identify different roles

25. The Sissy Duckling Writing an informal persuasive letter

26. Using connectives and punctuation to improve my writing…

27. “Girls shouldn’t be knights because they never are in stories.”

30. “Boys don’t like ballet - they like awesome things”

32. Think of examples of things that some people think are ‘just’ for girls or boys. Where do these ideas come from? Are they correct? Where does that leave girls and boys – and dogs – who like to do things that other people think aren’t for them? What effect can these stereotypes have on how we feel about ourselves? Are there things we don’t do because others think we shouldn’t? What can we do to help other people live the lives they want to live – rather than feeling they have to do what some people think they should?

34. This story is about someone who feels they have a different identity from the one which others have assigned to them. Don’t most of us have times when we feel ourselves to be different from the way other people see us? Talk about how some children will grow up knowing that their gender is different from the one they were assigned at birth – and that many more (perhaps most of us) will like things that some people think are associated with a different gender.

35. What are some of the things we dream about? If you could do or be anything at all, what would it be? Ask children to write about somebody who does something they want to do that other people thought was impossible. Make drawings of Bailey’s dresses – what is the most amazing dress you can imagine? Involve the whole class in making a collage of one of her dream dresses. Remember that they have mirrors, crystals and flowers – you can taste and smell them as well as see them. You can see all sorts of different places on them. Make some dresses – or cloaks. Try and get all your thoughts and ideas onto one big cloak which could be displayed in the classroom. Isn’t it exciting that we all have different dreams?

37. Why are there so few women astronauts? They made the suits too big What % of the World’s assets are owned by women? 1%

39. Curriculum How have/can you use the books and other resources? Where do they compliment what you’re already doing? How would they address SEAL topics like ‘Good to be me’, ‘Say no to bullying’? Think about how you teach about difference, stereotyping, prejudice etc – e.g. Work around racism

43. Why are people like this important? Do they help to make the world a better place for all of us?

44. Talking about sexual orientation... What if they ask… o “Are the penguins gay, miss?” o What’s a lesbian, sir? o How can two men have a baby?

45. Challenging homophobic comments Questioning response o ‘What makes you think that?’ o ‘What do you mean by that?’ o ‘Let’s talk about why people think like that. Personal response o ‘I’m not happy with what you said.’ o ‘I find that language really offensive.’ o ‘What you’ve said really disturbs me.’ Adapted from: The Sexuality Project – Brighton and Hove and East Sussex PSHE Advisory Team, 2000

46. Challenging homophobic comments Confronting response o ‘Language like that is not acceptable.’ o ‘A lot of people would find that offensive.’ Dismissive response o ‘I’m not going to listen to language like that Organisational response o ‘The school doesn’t tolerate language like that.’ Adapted from: The Sexuality Project – Brighton and Hove and East Sussex PSHE Advisory Team, 2000

47. Challenging homophobic comments You invite a group of Year 6 children to choose a book that they would like you to read with them. Several vote for the ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ but you hear Chloe say “that book’s so gay”.

48. Questioning/exploring response: “Why do you think the book is ‘gay’?” “Have you ever considered what it must be like for gay people to hear that kind of stuff? How do you think it’s going to make them feel if they keep hearing the word ‘gay’ used in a negative way?” “What do you mean by that? Do you mean it’s rubbish? Well, why can’t you use the word ‘rubbish’? Using the word ‘gay’ makes it sound like being gay is a bad thing which isn’t true.”

49. Confronting/challenging response: “Books can’t be gay. Are you saying that they’re attracted to books of the same sex?!” “You wouldn’t say that something you don’t like is ‘black’, would you? So it’s not acceptable to say that they’re so ‘gay’ either.” “What do you mean it’s ‘gay’? Is that a compliment? I agree, it’s one of my favourite books too”

50. Personal response:  “I’m really disappointed to hear you talking in that way. I thought you would realise that using the word ‘gay’ in a negative way is offensive to gay people and would not use that kind of homophobic language.”

51. Organisational response: “That kind of language is homophobic and you know it’s against school policy to make homophobic remarks. Homophobia is as bad as racism and sexism.”

52. Challenging homophobic comments You have organised a game of catch in the playground with your Year 2 class. Jamal, who generally likes to play quietly on his own, drops the ball. You hear the boy next to him say “You’re gay” and Jamal starts to cry.

53. Confronting/challenging response: “Jamal’s obviously upset. There’s nothing wrong with crying. It’s just as normal for boys to cry as it is for girls.” “‘Gay’ is a word we use to describe two men or two women who love each other, not a nasty word to use against people.”

54. Questioning/exploring response: “What do you mean by ‘gay’?” “How do you think the gay people in this school would feel if they heard you talking like that?”

55. Personal response: “I’m really sad to hear you talk like that. I hoped you knew it was important to be kind to everyone.” “It really upsets me to hear you use that kind of (homophobic) language.”

56. Organisational response: “In this school, we try to be kind to everyone.” “You know we don’t use a word like ‘gay’ to bully people in this school”

57. Challenging homophobic comments You’ve just read ‘Donovan’s Big Day’ with a group of Year 4 children. During a discussion about the story one of the pupils turns to another and says loudly “Jasmin’s mum is just like those dirty lezzies in the story”.

58. Questioning/exploring responses: “How do you think Donovan would feel hearing you talk about her mums like that? How do you think her mums would feel? Would you like it if someone was unkind about your mum?” “What do you mean by ‘lezzies’?”

59. Confronting/challenging responses: “There are lots of different kinds of families including families with two mums or two dads, like Donovan’s family. All kinds of families are as good as each other.” “It doesn’t matter whether someone has two mums or two dads. The important thing is that they love and look after each other.”

60. Personal responses: “I’m really disappointed to hear you talk like that. I thought you knew that we shouldn’t discriminate against people [just because they are different from us].”

61. Organisational responses: “In this school, we do not use homophobic language like that. There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian.”

62. Challenging sexist comments You are discussing different jobs with the children. Emma says that she wants to be a builder. Another girl says “girls can’t be builders”. How do you respond?

63. Challenging sexist comments Leo wants to play on a bicycle. The only ‘free’ bike is pink. He says, “I can’t go on the girl’s bike”. How do you respond?

64. Out of the mouths... 'Gay and lesbian and bisexual people shouldn't be very afraid to say it.' Year 5 pupil ‘If someone says “oh, you’re a lesbian, that’s bad” that’s mean because they’ve found somebody they love.’ Year 5 pupil 'Well, it doesn't matter if you've got 2 mams, or just a mam with no dad, if you've got 2 dads or just one dad. It doesn’t matter – you’re just still a family.’ Year 3 pupil

65. © Mark Jennett 2014 mark.jennett@btinternet.com 07779 193711

66. Challenging homophobic comments You have organised a game of catch in the playground with your Year 2 class. Jamal, who generally likes to play quietly on his own, drops the ball. You hear the boy next to him say “You’re gay” and Jamal starts to cry.

67. Confronting/challenging response: “Jamal’s obviously upset. There’s nothing wrong with crying. It’s just as normal for boys to cry as it is for girls.” “‘Gay’ is a word we use to describe two men or two women who love each other, not a nasty word to use against people.”

68. Questioning/exploring response: “What do you mean by ‘gay’?” “How do you think the gay people in this school would feel if they heard you talking like that?”

69. Personal response: “I’m really sad to hear you talk like that. I hoped you knew it was important to be kind to everyone.” “It really upsets me to hear you use that kind of (homophobic) language.”

70. Organisational response: “In this school, we try to be kind to everyone.” “You know we don’t use a word like ‘gay’ to bully people in this school”

71. Challenging homophobic comments You’ve just read ‘Donovan’s Big Day’ with a group of Year 4 children. During a discussion about the story one of the pupils turns to another and says loudly “Jasmin’s mum is just like those dirty lezzies in the story”.

72. Questioning/exploring responses: “How do you think Donovan would feel hearing you talk about his mums like that? How do you think his mums would feel? Would you like it if someone was unkind about your mum?” “What do you mean by ‘lezzies’?”

73. Confronting/challenging responses: “There are lots of different kinds of families including families with two mums or two dads, like Donovan’s family. All kinds of families are as good as each other.” “It doesn’t matter whether someone has two mums or two dads. The important thing is that they love and look after each other.”

74. Personal responses: “I’m really disappointed to hear you talk like that. I thought you knew that we shouldn’t discriminate against people [just because they are different from us].”

75. Organisational responses: “In this school, we do not use homophobic language like that. There is nothing wrong with being a lesbian.”