1. “I Got These Dark Circles Before I Turned Ten”: Reflections on Siddhartha Feraco Search for Human Potential 21 October 2014

2. Siddhartha’s first experience with life outside his village recalls Gotama’s first impression of the rest of the world upon leaving his family’s estate – those first glimpses of pain, deprivation, and struggle. Siddhartha’s first experience with life outside his village recalls Gotama’s first impression of the rest of the world upon leaving his family’s estate – those first glimpses of pain, deprivation, and struggle. The difference is that Gotama was moved, while Siddhartha claims that “all were not worth a passing glance, everything lied, stank of lies; they were all illusions of sense, happiness and beauty. All were doomed to decay. The world tasted bitter. Life was pain.” The difference is that Gotama was moved, while Siddhartha claims that “all were not worth a passing glance, everything lied, stank of lies; they were all illusions of sense, happiness and beauty. All were doomed to decay. The world tasted bitter. Life was pain.” As emo-teenager as this sounds, the point here is that Siddhartha sees and treats everything around him as a distraction. As emo-teenager as this sounds, the point here is that Siddhartha sees and treats everything around him as a distraction.

3. On the one hand, that’s not necessarily a bad idea if you’re following the Buddhist system. On the one hand, that’s not necessarily a bad idea if you’re following the Buddhist system. If our perceptions form maya – illusions – and reality (satyam) actually lies behind that veil, perhaps we should praise Siddhartha for paying attention to the figurative man behind the curtain. If our perceptions form maya – illusions – and reality (satyam) actually lies behind that veil, perhaps we should praise Siddhartha for paying attention to the figurative man behind the curtain. On the other hand, this is a deeply problematic attitude if you’re following the actual book – which doesn’t so much exist to promote Buddhist values, but rather incorporates knowledge of/familiarity with them in order to say something profound about living, aging, relating, etc. On the other hand, this is a deeply problematic attitude if you’re following the actual book – which doesn’t so much exist to promote Buddhist values, but rather incorporates knowledge of/familiarity with them in order to say something profound about living, aging, relating, etc.

4. If anything, the book’s overall message rejects adolescent- Siddhartha’s worldview, or at least the way he uses it. If anything, the book’s overall message rejects adolescent- Siddhartha’s worldview, or at least the way he uses it. For example, life may be “pain,” but the problem isn’t that life is painful; it’s that we respond unintelligently to that pain. For example, life may be “pain,” but the problem isn’t that life is painful; it’s that we respond unintelligently to that pain. Similarly, all beauty fades, and all happiness fades, but their transitory nature isn’t problematic; we just perceive them incorrectly, and wail when we cannot have what we want (because we’re foolish enough to want the things we cannot have until we learn to better appreciate the things we already should). Similarly, all beauty fades, and all happiness fades, but their transitory nature isn’t problematic; we just perceive them incorrectly, and wail when we cannot have what we want (because we’re foolish enough to want the things we cannot have until we learn to better appreciate the things we already should).

5. And that’s really what Hesse’s doing here, which I think is particularly interesting: Siddhartha’s not wrong, except he totally is. And that’s really what Hesse’s doing here, which I think is particularly interesting: Siddhartha’s not wrong, except he totally is. Right ideas, wrong responses: he has the knowledge, but lacks the ability to properly use it. Right ideas, wrong responses: he has the knowledge, but lacks the ability to properly use it. Experience proves to be a pretty good teacher in the long run; Siddhartha eventually learns more about the ways we connect, the meaning of existence, and so on. Experience proves to be a pretty good teacher in the long run; Siddhartha eventually learns more about the ways we connect, the meaning of existence, and so on. But he’s young, blind, and headstrong here – a dangerous combination, albeit probably a necessary phase for all of us. But he’s young, blind, and headstrong here – a dangerous combination, albeit probably a necessary phase for all of us.

6. Siddhartha is chasing nothing less than purity and perfection, which at first blush is pretty good – better to chase awesomeness than to waste your time shooting for less, right? Siddhartha is chasing nothing less than purity and perfection, which at first blush is pretty good – better to chase awesomeness than to waste your time shooting for less, right? The problem, of course, is that perfection isn’t really possible…and aren’t we just guaranteed to suffer if we seek something we can’t reach? The problem, of course, is that perfection isn’t really possible…and aren’t we just guaranteed to suffer if we seek something we can’t reach? And isn’t that suffering and fruitless seeking what ultimately causes us to be blinded by maya in the first place? And isn’t that suffering and fruitless seeking what ultimately causes us to be blinded by maya in the first place?

7. Notice that when Siddhartha finally reaches an enlightened state, he’s not actively seeking it at all; it’s just that love and loss and experience combine to grant him that insight once he’s had enough of each. Notice that when Siddhartha finally reaches an enlightened state, he’s not actively seeking it at all; it’s just that love and loss and experience combine to grant him that insight once he’s had enough of each. If you reject the “bitter world,” Hesse argues, you don’t get enough of any. If you reject the “bitter world,” Hesse argues, you don’t get enough of any. As Voltaire put it, life may be a shipwreck, but we mustn’t forget to sing in the lifeboats. As Voltaire put it, life may be a shipwreck, but we mustn’t forget to sing in the lifeboats.

8. In his doomed effort to chase perfection, however, Siddhartha suffers intensely; sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. In his doomed effort to chase perfection, however, Siddhartha suffers intensely; sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. Siddhartha’s body decays (graphically) over the course of three years as he tries to shatter the Self. Siddhartha’s body decays (graphically) over the course of three years as he tries to shatter the Self. He saves everything, even his breath, while trying to “suffocate” the Self, with the object being to break through illusion and reach the truth behind it. He saves everything, even his breath, while trying to “suffocate” the Self, with the object being to break through illusion and reach the truth behind it. Again, he has the “right idea” (i.e., looking behind the veil), but it’s mixed in with a whole lot of wrong, and much of what happens in the second chapter follows that pattern – hints of what should be happening drowning in seas of misdirection. Again, he has the “right idea” (i.e., looking behind the veil), but it’s mixed in with a whole lot of wrong, and much of what happens in the second chapter follows that pattern – hints of what should be happening drowning in seas of misdirection.

9. The moment where his soul is basically bopping from body to body, from person to dead jackal, is another example: Siddhartha, on some dim, subconscious level, almost seems to be aware of the interconnectedness of things this early in the story. The moment where his soul is basically bopping from body to body, from person to dead jackal, is another example: Siddhartha, on some dim, subconscious level, almost seems to be aware of the interconnectedness of things this early in the story. But he can’t consciously process the realization on any level save those hallucinatory visions. But he can’t consciously process the realization on any level save those hallucinatory visions. The idea is that someone who’s truly enlightened – who is aware of that interconnectedness – could, figuratively, stay in those other bodies for as long as they preferred. The idea is that someone who’s truly enlightened – who is aware of that interconnectedness – could, figuratively, stay in those other bodies for as long as they preferred.

10. Remember, the bodhisattvas are enlightened because they empathize, and because that empathy depends on an understanding of the other party’s nature – their wants, needs, and fears. Remember, the bodhisattvas are enlightened because they empathize, and because that empathy depends on an understanding of the other party’s nature – their wants, needs, and fears. The bodhisattvas no longer have concerns for themselves; they’ve moved beyond wanting, and now live to help other people in their pursuits of happiness, wisdom, or peace. The bodhisattvas no longer have concerns for themselves; they’ve moved beyond wanting, and now live to help other people in their pursuits of happiness, wisdom, or peace. Siddhartha keeps snapping back into himself because that’s where he’s caught up – in his own “onerous life cycle,” not the world he’s ostensibly trying to better understand. Siddhartha keeps snapping back into himself because that’s where he’s caught up – in his own “onerous life cycle,” not the world he’s ostensibly trying to better understand.

11. It’s really a matter of impatience. Siddhartha wants everything, and he wants it now. It’s really a matter of impatience. Siddhartha wants everything, and he wants it now. The irony of his situation – that everything he needs to complete his quest already exists in the world around him – merely underscores that the point isn’t simple to fulfill the final goal, but to live an adventure worthy of that ending first. The irony of his situation – that everything he needs to complete his quest already exists in the world around him – merely underscores that the point isn’t simple to fulfill the final goal, but to live an adventure worthy of that ending first. It’s the same thing with books: you have the ability to turn to the last page whenever you want, but the only way that last page is ever worth reading is if you move through the other chapters first. It’s the same thing with books: you have the ability to turn to the last page whenever you want, but the only way that last page is ever worth reading is if you move through the other chapters first. At this point in his life, if you told Siddhartha where the “last page” was, you’d better believe he’d look at it. And that’s exactly why he wouldn’t be able to understand it if you did. At this point in his life, if you told Siddhartha where the “last page” was, you’d better believe he’d look at it. And that’s exactly why he wouldn’t be able to understand it if you did. He’s all hard work and dark circles, but that – as any exhausted AP student will tell you – isn’t enough to guarantee you’ll learn what you need. He’s all hard work and dark circles, but that – as any exhausted AP student will tell you – isn’t enough to guarantee you’ll learn what you need.

12. We see on the chapter’s second page that he’s being instructed by the eldest Samana. (Wasn’t it only a few paragraphs ago that Siddhartha was all anti-teacher?) We see on the chapter’s second page that he’s being instructed by the eldest Samana. (Wasn’t it only a few paragraphs ago that Siddhartha was all anti-teacher?) But he’s soon questioning the Samanas’ methods and teachings, just as he challenged the elders in his village, and he bemoans the temporary nature of his escape from the self (remember this). But he’s soon questioning the Samanas’ methods and teachings, just as he challenged the elders in his village, and he bemoans the temporary nature of his escape from the self (remember this). Once again, no one seems to know the way to reach what Siddhartha seeks; his distrust of teachers who haven’t achieved what they’re trying to teach others to do is at least partially justified. (The Samanas are really dumb.) Once again, no one seems to know the way to reach what Siddhartha seeks; his distrust of teachers who haven’t achieved what they’re trying to teach others to do is at least partially justified. (The Samanas are really dumb.)

13. When Govinda defends the Samanas’ methods, he and Siddhartha have the following exchange: When Govinda defends the Samanas’ methods, he and Siddhartha have the following exchange: Govinda: You speak thus, my friend, and yet you know that Siddhartha is no driver of oxen and a Samana is no drunkard. The drinker does indeed find escape, he does indeed find a short respite and rest, but he returns from the illusion and finds everything as it was before. He has not grown wiser, he has not gained knowledge, he has not climbed any higher.Govinda: You speak thus, my friend, and yet you know that Siddhartha is no driver of oxen and a Samana is no drunkard. The drinker does indeed find escape, he does indeed find a short respite and rest, but he returns from the illusion and finds everything as it was before. He has not grown wiser, he has not gained knowledge, he has not climbed any higher. Siddhartha: I do not know. I have never been a drunkard. But that I, Siddhartha, only find a short respite in my exercises and meditation, and am as remote from wisdom, from salvation, as a child in the womb, that, Govinda, I do know.Siddhartha: I do not know. I have never been a drunkard. But that I, Siddhartha, only find a short respite in my exercises and meditation, and am as remote from wisdom, from salvation, as a child in the womb, that, Govinda, I do know.

14. I love that the two discuss the futility of their search in terms of intoxication, which is a really easy metaphor: It’s the willing surrender of control to corruption, a substitution of poison for experience, an inherently empty, sad, and self-destructive pursuit. I love that the two discuss the futility of their search in terms of intoxication, which is a really easy metaphor: It’s the willing surrender of control to corruption, a substitution of poison for experience, an inherently empty, sad, and self-destructive pursuit. In other words, it’s one of the ultimate expressions of desire’s relationship to suffering. In other words, it’s one of the ultimate expressions of desire’s relationship to suffering. There is nothing to gain from drunkenness but false escape; it is too easy, and too temporary. There is nothing to gain from drunkenness but false escape; it is too easy, and too temporary. This, in turn, is one of the reasons why Hesse shows Siddhartha drinking so heavily in the “Samsara” chapter; he poisons himself because he leads a poisoned life. This, in turn, is one of the reasons why Hesse shows Siddhartha drinking so heavily in the “Samsara” chapter; he poisons himself because he leads a poisoned life. As Siddhartha despairingly puts it: “We find consolations, we learn tricks with which we deceive ourselves, but the essential thing – the way – we do not find.” As Siddhartha despairingly puts it: “We find consolations, we learn tricks with which we deceive ourselves, but the essential thing – the way – we do not find.”

15. If the forest is about stagnation – a kind of self-inflicted torment – the Samanas’ lifestyle is about another kind entirely. If the forest is about stagnation – a kind of self-inflicted torment – the Samanas’ lifestyle is about another kind entirely. The idea driving the Samanas’ actions is a simple one: human life is filled with desire, and that desire causes suffering. The idea driving the Samanas’ actions is a simple one: human life is filled with desire, and that desire causes suffering. If one burns away one’s own humanity – becomes uncivilized, denies the body what it wants, etc. – one could, in theory, stop being human, and consequently stop wanting, and consequently look beyond the blindness caused by living as one’s flawed Self (piercing the veil – moving through Maya and into Satyam). If one burns away one’s own humanity – becomes uncivilized, denies the body what it wants, etc. – one could, in theory, stop being human, and consequently stop wanting, and consequently look beyond the blindness caused by living as one’s flawed Self (piercing the veil – moving through Maya and into Satyam). But again – and never forget this – the Samanas are really dumb. But again – and never forget this – the Samanas are really dumb.

16. Their approach is particularly flawed because it contains a fundamental contradiction. Their approach is particularly flawed because it contains a fundamental contradiction. Not wanting something you can’t have is one thing; is denying yourself what you can have analogous? Not wanting something you can’t have is one thing; is denying yourself what you can have analogous? In order to continue existence as a Samana, one must violate its credos daily: One must cease being a “true” ascetic in order to eat at some point, to sleep at others. In order to continue existence as a Samana, one must violate its credos daily: One must cease being a “true” ascetic in order to eat at some point, to sleep at others. To be an ascetic, in other words, is either to die or lie. To be an ascetic, in other words, is either to die or lie. The clear implication is that life is not compatible with the Samana way – a big hint that either their outlook is mistaken or that they’re going about things incorrectly. The clear implication is that life is not compatible with the Samana way – a big hint that either their outlook is mistaken or that they’re going about things incorrectly.

17. The Samanas’ principles of asceticism – compared unfavorably to the “drunkard’s” actions – only prove that one cannot flee the unavoidable. The Samanas’ principles of asceticism – compared unfavorably to the “drunkard’s” actions – only prove that one cannot flee the unavoidable. It’s important to take control of what you can, and to at least understand what you can’t – not to simply hide. It’s important to take control of what you can, and to at least understand what you can’t – not to simply hide. At one point, Siddhartha wonders aloud whether he’s still “trapped in the cycle.” At one point, Siddhartha wonders aloud whether he’s still “trapped in the cycle.” Siddhartha: Well, Govinda, are we on the right road? Are we gaining knowledge? Are we approaching salvation? Or are we perhaps going in circles – we who thought to escape from the cycle?Siddhartha: Well, Govinda, are we on the right road? Are we gaining knowledge? Are we approaching salvation? Or are we perhaps going in circles – we who thought to escape from the cycle? Govinda: We have learned much, Siddhartha. There still remains much to learn. We are not going in circles, we are going upwards. The path is a spiral; we have already climbed many steps.Govinda: We have learned much, Siddhartha. There still remains much to learn. We are not going in circles, we are going upwards. The path is a spiral; we have already climbed many steps. Well, they’re definitely spiraling…but they’re heading downwards, not upwards; every day spent on the wrong path is a day further removed from enlightenment. Well, they’re definitely spiraling…but they’re heading downwards, not upwards; every day spent on the wrong path is a day further removed from enlightenment.

18. So it’s unsurprising that Siddhartha doesn’t find what he’s looking for automatically with the Samanas, and unsurprising that he ditches them in the end. So it’s unsurprising that Siddhartha doesn’t find what he’s looking for automatically with the Samanas, and unsurprising that he ditches them in the end. Hey, he’s getting faster – it took about eighteen years to flee the Brahmins, and only three to move on from these guys. Hey, he’s getting faster – it took about eighteen years to flee the Brahmins, and only three to move on from these guys. Gotama’s introduction here is presented in terms of “plagues” and “cures: – an interesting choice, given his real personal history: “The world was sick, life was difficult and here there seemed new hope, here there seemed to be a message, comforting, mild, full of fine promises.” Gotama’s introduction here is presented in terms of “plagues” and “cures: – an interesting choice, given his real personal history: “The world was sick, life was difficult and here there seemed new hope, here there seemed to be a message, comforting, mild, full of fine promises.” And Hesse buries a little hint for the future in the narrator’s version of Siddhartha’s interior monologue: “He had heard that this alleged Buddha had formerly been an ascetic and had lived in the woods, had then turned to high living and the pleasures of the world, and he held no brief for this Gotama.” And Hesse buries a little hint for the future in the narrator’s version of Siddhartha’s interior monologue: “He had heard that this alleged Buddha had formerly been an ascetic and had lived in the woods, had then turned to high living and the pleasures of the world, and he held no brief for this Gotama.”

19. Govinda, always easily distracted by the prospect of something better, grows eager to meet Gotama after hearing from those who have witnessed him work. Govinda, always easily distracted by the prospect of something better, grows eager to meet Gotama after hearing from those who have witnessed him work. When Siddhartha mocks him for straying from the Samanas’ path so readily, Govinda says he’s merely curious about the teacher. When Siddhartha mocks him for straying from the Samanas’ path so readily, Govinda says he’s merely curious about the teacher. Everything goes in cycles: Siddhartha believes he has “already tasted the best fruit” of Gotama’s teachings, but he’s also aware that he’s started stagnating again in the Samanas’ world. Everything goes in cycles: Siddhartha believes he has “already tasted the best fruit” of Gotama’s teachings, but he’s also aware that he’s started stagnating again in the Samanas’ world. Once again, a leader is displeased with Siddhartha’s intended departure, and Siddhartha simply defeats him through the strength of his will and, ironically enough, desire. (For someone who intends to defeat desire, Siddhartha acts according to what he wants pretty disturbingly often.) Once again, a leader is displeased with Siddhartha’s intended departure, and Siddhartha simply defeats him through the strength of his will and, ironically enough, desire. (For someone who intends to defeat desire, Siddhartha acts according to what he wants pretty disturbingly often.)

20. These experiences, futile as they may seem, do prove critical to Siddhartha’s eventual success. These experiences, futile as they may seem, do prove critical to Siddhartha’s eventual success. The elders themselves may be unable to give Siddhartha what he wants or needs – but it’s important to remember that he doesn’t want to be given anything. The elders themselves may be unable to give Siddhartha what he wants or needs – but it’s important to remember that he doesn’t want to be given anything. Whether he’s aware of it or not, their influences help guide him along the course he’s taken. Whether he’s aware of it or not, their influences help guide him along the course he’s taken. After all, knowledge can be passed from one source to another, but wisdom cannot – it must be generated from within in order to be pure and genuine. After all, knowledge can be passed from one source to another, but wisdom cannot – it must be generated from within in order to be pure and genuine. If you simply want to hear someone tell you the truth, and don’t want to look for it yourself…you’re Govinda. If you simply want to hear someone tell you the truth, and don’t want to look for it yourself…you’re Govinda.