1. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net Bouncing Back: Resilience and Post-Traumatic Growth USJT 9 th Counseling Advances Conference Las Vegas, NV April 1, 2016

2. Boundin’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDNkZX6ZQOo

3. Linda Graham, MFT Marriage and Family Therapist – 25 years AEDP, IFS, DBT, EMDR, Sensorimotor – Attachment Trauma Mindfulness, Neuroscience Mindful Self-Compassion teacher Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and Well- Being 2013 Books for a Better life award 2014 Better Books for a Better World award linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net

5. Window of Tolerance SNS – explore, play, create, produce…. OR Fight-flight-freeze Baseline physiological equilibrium Calm and relaxed, engaged and alert WINDOW OF TOLERANCE Relational and resilient Equanimity PNS – inner peace, serenity…. OR Numb out, collapse

7. Hand on the Heart Touch – oxytocin – safety and trust Deep breathing – parasympathetic Breathing ease into heart center Brakes on survival responses Coherent heart rate Being loved and cherished Oxytocin – hormone of safety and trust

8. Oxytocin Hormone of safety and trust, bonding and belonging, calm and connect Brain’s direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisol Can pre-empt stress response altogether A single exposure to oxytocin can create a lifelong change in the brain. - Sue Carter, PhD

9. Touch Hand on heart, hand on cheek Hand on forehead and back of neck Massage back of neck Head rubs, foot rubs Hold thumb as “inner child” Hugs – 20 second full bodied

11. Calm through the Body Hand on the Heart Safe, soothing touch Body Scan Progressive Muscle Relaxation Affectionate Breathing Soles of the Feet Rewiring through Movement Power Posing Mindful Self-Compassion

12. Calm – Friendly Body Scan Awareness as scan slowly through the body Breathing gently into tension Hello! and gratitude Release tension, reduce trauma

13. Progressive Muscle Relaxation Body cannot be tense and relaxed at the same time Tense for 7 seconds, relax for 15 Focused attention calms the mind

14. Affectionate Breathing Sit comfortably; breathe slowly and gently. Incline your awareness toward your breathing with tenderness and curiosity Let the body breathe itself; notice the natural nourishing and soothing of the body Feel the whole body breathe Allow the body to be gently rocked by the breath Savor the stillness and peace in the body

15. Soles of the Feet Stand up; feel soles of feet on the floor Rock back and forth, rock side to side Make little circles with your knees Walk slowly; notice changes in sensations Offer gratitude to your feet that support your entire body, all day long

16. Rewiring through Movement Body inhabits posture of difficult emotion Body moves into opposite posture Body returns to first posture Body returns to second posture Body finds posture in the middle Reflect on experience

17. Power Posing Amy Cuddy TED talk https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_bo dy_language_shapes_who_you_are Before important meeting or interview: Stand tall and straight, like mountain pose in yoga Lift your arms in triumph or Place hands on hips (Wonder Woman)

19. How People Learn to Become Resilient http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria- konnikova/the-secret-formula-for-resilience Trauma is a fact of life. It doesn’t have to be a life sentence. - Peter Levine, somatic experiencing

20. Perception Creates the Shift Do you conceptualize an event as traumatizing or as an opportunity to learn and grow? - George Bonano, Columbia Univ. Teachers Collee Loss, Trauama and Emotion lab Internal locus of control Growth mindset v. fixed mindset How you respond to the issue…is the issue

21. Post-Traumatic Growth 75% Americans will experience potentially traumatizing event at least once in lifetime 8% will develop PTSD More than 50% will fully recover, finding meaning, deepening sense of self, stronger ties to community and common humanity Jim Rendon, Upside: The New Science of Post- Traumatic Growth

22. Acceptance of Reality “Normal is never going to be what normal used to be.” Mindfulness – non-judgmental acceptance of what is – is helpful here

23. Support from Family/Friends Who Believe in Recovery The moment we cease to hold each other, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out. - James Baldwin Therapy – acceptance and optimism - can be helpful here

24. Community of Shared Trauma Empathy and understanding without having to explain or justify Ah, the comfort….Dinah Craik Group therapy can be helpful here

25. Positive Moments in the Midst of Catastrophe Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amidst the storm. - author unknown Taking in the good can be helpful here.

26. Allow Yourself to Struggle How long should you try? Until. - Jim Rohn Self-compassion can be very helpful here.

27. Be Flexible Shit happens; shift happens Shift gears; shift perspectives, shift behaviors Brainstorming options can be helpful here

28. Pro-actively Re-Enter the World Brain learns from experience; stay open to new experiences, new learning Volunteering; exercise-sports; creative arts In every community, there is work to be done. In every nation, there are wounds to heal. In every heart, there is the power to do it. -Marianne Williamson Encouragement and engagement helpful here

29. Positive Re-frame; Positive Meaning in Negative Event Turn a regrettable moment into a teachable moment Find the silver lining, the lesson learned, the gift in the mistake How does event fit into life story? Journaling can be helpful here

30. Share the Story with a Larger Audience Come out of isolation; recognize common humanity At times our own light goes out and is re-kindled by the spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us. - Albert Schweitzer

31. Helping Others Integrate and pass along what you have learned Deepen a sense of mastery and competence Doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested. - Martin Seligman, positive psychology Volunteering, speaking, writing, teaching

32. Value the Process, Not the Outcome An event may catalyze growth, but it’s the process of healing that creates the growth. What stands in the way becomes the way. - Marcus Aurelius When misfortune fills the world and its inhabitants, make adversity the path of awakening. - Tibetan teaching

33. Appreciating the new life because of the trauma, not in spite of it Not just course correction, but new direction Leap of intuitive wisdom and integration from a larger perspective Mindful reflection and insight helpful here.

34. Mastering the art of resilience does much more than restore you to who you once thought you were. Rather, you emerge from the experience transformed into a truer expression of who you were really meant to be. - Carol Orsborn

36. Coherent Narrative This is what happened. This is what I did. This has been the cost. This is what I learned. This is what I would do differently going forward.

37. I am no longer afraid of storms, For I am learning how to sail my ship. - Louisa May Alcott

38. Autobiography in Five Short Chapters – Portia Nelson I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost…I am helpless It isn’t my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.

39. II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in the same place But, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

40. III I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in…it’s a habit My eyes are open, I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

41. IV I walk down the same street There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. V I walk down another street. -Portia Nelson

42. Linda Graham, MFT linda@lindagraham-mft.net www.lindagraham-mft.net Bouncing Back: Resilience and Post-Traumatic Growth USJT 9 th Counseling Advances Conference Las Vegas, NV April 1, 2016