1. Domestic Violence - Breaking the Silence DANA WINSEY-MOHAMED ICNA RELIEF USA GREATER DELAWARE VALLEY LEADERSHIP MEETING- MAY 2016

2. Domestic Violence In the US alone, despite its many laws, regulations, awareness, talk shows etc. addressing domestic violence, statistics have shown that 20 people are physically abused by intimate partners every minute. This equates to more than 10 million abuse victims annually. The impact of such wrongdoing is immense to say the least. Children in such relationships are often affected— whether directly or indirectly and have life-long impact of negative behaviors. Its not only the women who are victims- victims are also children and men as well. Domestic Violence is breaking down our family unit. It’s effecting our Ummah.

3. 20 Tracker: Number of people physically abused in the last minute… Physical Only… May Allah protect them all and improve their condition

4. Domestic Violence We can no longer look away. We can no longer remain silent. We can no longer let the cycle of abuse continue. We must provide adequate support to those in need.

5. Kind Treatment of Wives Allah(swt) instructs men to be nice to their wives and to treat them well to the best of their ability: "…And live with them in kindness…" (Quran 4:19) The Messenger of Allah said, The most perfect of believers in belief, is the best of them in character. The best of you are those who are the best to their women.’ The Prophet of Mercy tells us that a husband’s treatment of his wife reflects a Muslim’s good character, which in turn is a reflection of the man’s faith.

6. 40 Tracker: as of now…. Physical Abuse Only… May Allah protect them all and improve their condition

7. Some Quick Stats  Every 9 seconds in the US, a woman is assaulted or beaten  On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.  1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.  1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence.  On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide. And that’s only those who actually make the call, so imagine the real numbers.  A victim of domestic abuse leaves her partner on average 7 times before they finally get away.  Although women are the most affected, men and children are also victims.

8. Types of Abuse  Physical Abuse  Emotional or Psychological Abuse  Sexual Abuse  Neglect/Abandonment  Financial Abuse  Digital Abuse

9. 60 Tracker: as of now…. Physical Abuse Only… May Allah protect them all and improve their condition

10. Physical Abuse Physical abuse is any intentional and unwanted contact with you or something close to your body. Sometimes abusive behavior does not cause pain or even leave a bruise, but it’s still unhealthy and just as damaging. Examples of physical abuse are:  Hitting, slapping, punching, kicking  Throwing something at you or holding something up as if to hit you with it.  Pushing or pulling you, invading your space, physical intimidation.  Grabbing your clothing, Grabbing your face to make you look at them.  Using a gun, knife, bat, mace or other weapon to harm or threaten to cause harm.  Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or to force you to go somewhere.

11. Emotional or Verbal Abuse Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, projection, constant monitoring or “checking in,” excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation or stalking. There are many behaviors that qualify as emotional or verbal abuse, here are a few:  Calling you names, putting you down, Yelling and screaming at you, Ignoring you, Intentionally embarrassing you in public.  Damaging property when they’re angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)  Using online communities or cell phones to control, intimidate or humiliate you. Using online  Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior, projection.  Accusing you of cheating and often being jealous of your outside relationships.  Threatening to harm you or people you care about or Threatening to expose your secrets  Starting rumors about you, Threatening to have your children taken away.

12. 80 Tracker: as of now…. Physical Abuse Only… May Allah protect them all and improve their condition

13. Financial Abuse Here are some examples of financially abusive behavior:  Refusing to give you money, food, rent, medicine or clothing.  Spending money on themselves but not allowing you to do the same.  Using their money to hold power over you because they know you are not in the same financial situation as they are.

14. Digital Abuse Digital abuse is the use of technologies such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate a partner. Often this behavior is a form of verbal or emotional abuse perpetrated online. This may come into play once the victim has attempted to leave.  Sends you negative, insulting or even threatening emails, or messages  Uses sites or aps to keep constant tabs on you  Constantly texts you and makes you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone, for fear that you will be punished.  Looks through your phone frequently, checks up on your pictures, texts and outgoing calls.

15. 100 Tracker: as of now…. Physical Abuse Only… May Allah protect them all and improve their condition

16. Stalking Stalking can be defined as the willful and repeated following, watching and/or harassing of another person. Unlike other crimes, which usually involve one act, stalking is a series of actions that occur over a period of time. Some examples are:  Show up at home or place of work unannounced or uninvited.  Use social networking sites and technology to track you.  Spread rumors about you via the internet or word of mouth- character assassination.

17. Domestic Violence doesn’t discriminate It exists in….  All Races  All Religions  Across all socio-economic levels  All Professions, Educated and uneducated

18. Abuse & Islamic Communities  Islamic Communities are no exception  We just don’t talk about it  Not addressing it, enables it to continue, affecting the family unit, generation after generation.

19. 120 Tracker: as of now…. Physical Abuse Only…

20. Observations  Many are afraid to ask for help.  They don’t want to bring shame to themselves, their families or appear weak or depressed.  They fear confidentiality won’t be kept or that they may be treated differently by the person they go to for help.  They fear those assisting won’t be objective or are not qualified to help them, so they don’t seek help.  Those who do actually seek help are rarely referred out to licensed mental health professionals and many times are told to be patient, while their entire family unit is being negatively impacted by the abuse.

21. Things to think about… Factors that contribute  The cycle of abuse repeats itself, again and again generation after generation- without proper intervention, education and guidance.  Lack of knowledge or lack of implementation of Islamic character and conduct  Lack of control of emotions and anger

22. 140 Tracker: as of now…. Physical Abuse Only… May Allah protect them all and improve their condition

23. What can we do? Focus group to develop solutions. Some ideas are: - Creating a safe environment where victims can feel welcomed and secure allowing them to open up and get the help they need. - - Long Term: Social Services will be included in the Clinic Initiative - Creating a Case Manager in each community who will ultimately oversee, track and guide the process in a positive direction, with confidentiality - Develop a list of licensed, local, mental health professionals, that we can refer people to in each community. - Developing a comprehensive guide to a family in crisis to include crisis resources such as: - Shelters, temporary housing - Financial assistance resources - Legal resources - Develop educational courses and seminars aimed towards imams and others whom are in leadership roles, who may be the first contact for victims. - Courses, Seminars, Talks and Khutahs aimed to develop our communities knowledge of proper Islamic Character, Islamic Conduct and Islamic Manners inside the home

24. Closing Points There is a lot we CAN do. We MUST do. It’s an obligation. Our family units are breaking down- We can NOT remain silent anymore We must help to change the future, our childrens future or the cycle of abuse will continue.

25. What will YOU do to help our Ummah?

26. 160 Tracker: as of now…. Physical Abuse Only… May Allah protect them all and improve their condition