1. Understanding Girls’ Friendship Groups and Cliques John Khan - lead practitioner for anti-bullying

2. Aims and objectives Explore the nature of bullying behaviour and relational aggression among girls Examine friendships groups and how girls behave within cliques Provide practical strategies to address relational aggression and cliques

3. Discussion point Briefly outline what the key concerns or issues are within your school relating to girls friendship groups and cliques

4. The Social Jungle… Girls generally start to find their place in the social puzzle around age eight Finding a niche is a vital part of a child’s development Children literally define who they are through their friendships Belonging to a group sets the tone of a child’s everyday experience

5. Relational conflict vs. bullying behaviour Normal part of growing up Often not serious but hugely time consuming Equal emotional reaction Not seeking attention Effort to solve the problem

6. but relational conflict...... Needs to be taken seriously by adults, including parents/carers When left unresolved it can escalate in bullying behaviour

7. What is bullying?

8. What is bullying behaviour? ‘the repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by anther person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power’ [Anti-Bullying Alliance & DfE: 2014]

9. Insult! No imbalance of power Insult! Stop it! Insult! Imbalance of power through repetition and threat Rumour spread Insult! Clear imbalance of power Stop it! All of you! It’s not true!! Imbalance of power

10. Indirect Cyber Physical Verbal Name- calling Threats Taunting Kicking Shoving Intimidation Excluding Spreading rumours Texting Trolling Sexting Types of bullying behaviour

11. Relational conflict versus bullying behaviour Relational conflict Effort made to resolve problem Occasional Accidental Equal power balance Bullying behaviour Child being bullied more upset Intentional No effort to solve problem Child who is targeted blamed Both parties genuinely upset Repeated Not trying to gain something Both parties admit some responsibility for the problem Trying to gain power or control Imbalance of power

12. Discussion point Do girls engage in bullying behaviour differently to boys?

13. Why? Our culture refuses girls access to open conflict. When they get angry, their aggressions manifests itself into more covert or indirect acts of aggression. Girls fight with body language and relationships instead of their fists

14. Understanding relational aggression Relational aggression is the main form of bullying used by girls against each other and often takes place within friendship groups “ Behaviour that is intended to harm someone by damaging or manipulating their relationships with others” [Crick: 1995]

15. Discussion point What things do girls do to hurt each other?

16. Things girls do? Alliance building – taking sides Rejecting or excluding Spreading rumors Eye rolling Ignoring Teasing Taunting Cyberbullying Public humiliation Manipulative affection

17. What do girls do? Exclude e.g. giving the silent treatment or excluding from the group Reject e.g. spreading rumours or lies so that others in the group reject them

18. What do girls do? Direct control e.g. “You can’t be my friend unless…” Negative body language or facial expressions e.g. giving someone ‘the look’ or the ‘evil eye’ or ‘rolling of the eyes’

19. Impact of relational aggression Internalising or externalising of problems Increased absence and poor academic outcomes Peer rejection Loneliness Poor self-esteem Dislike of women… “I’m a woman, and I think women are generally bad.”

20. Who me? Relational aggression is very hard to prove! No blood, no bruises, where is the evidence? There has been little or no intervention to resolve the issue Lack of intervention only escalates the problem Parents often refuse to accept their daughter might be involved – ‘NOT MY CHILD.’

21. A whole-school approach What is your rationale for defining relational aggression? How & when will you intervene? What are the consequences?

22. Break

23. Lucy Wells & Zoe Mcginlay Jan-Mar 2015

24. Promoting Positive Friendships Why the need for the workshops? Support for girls in Year 5 & 6 presenting with ongoing friendship problems Support offered via 6 one hour workshops

25. Our main outcome measures Provide ongoing support for the girls within the school Raise the girls self-esteem Develop their empathy, communication skills & conflict resolution skills

26. The focus of the six workshops 1: The importance of friendships 2: Looking after our friendships 3: Dealing with friendship problems 4: Dealing with bullying behaviour 5: Building friendship skills 6: Final feedback

27. Key findings

28. Key findings – Conflict resolution skills Girls demonstrated a range of problem-solving skills to deal more positively with their friendship problems when they occurred ‘The workshops have helped me because now I think before I say things’ ‘I can sort out problems much more easier now’

29. Key findings – Communication skills Began communicating much more honestly with each other about their feelings, enabling them to solve friendships problems more effectively. Showed signs of improved active listening skills. Demonstrated greater empathy towards each other and wider peer group. ‘Talking about your problems to your friends and letting them know that they are a good friend’

30. Key findings – Bullying behaviour The girls disclosed being bullied and the impact that this had had on them, as well as concerns for other girls outside of the group. ‘Being able to talk about what happened to (name of child) was good because the bullying is going to stop’

31. Key recommendations More opportunities in school to promote positive friendship skills Repeat workshops with Year 4 and 5 girls Girls to deliver an assembly about the positive benefits of taking part in the workshops Offer Year 6 girls support around their transition

32. Clearly define your outcomes Rosenberg Self- Esteem Scale Gather feedback from girls after each workshop Final evaluation Did you make a difference?

33. Workshop outline Primary school The importance of friendships Looking after our friendships Dealing positively with friendship problems and conflict Dealing with bullying behaviour (relational aggression) Building positive friendship skills Final evaluation Secondary school What makes a good friend Dealing positively with friendship problems and conflict Understanding friendships & cliques Dealing bullying behaviour i.e. e-safety and cyberbullying Final evaluation

34. Discussion point Are girls’ friendships different to boys’ friendships? If so, how & why?

35. What qualities do we look for in our friends?

36. Discussion point What is the difference between a friendship group and a clique?

37. Friendship group is....... Within any class or year group there will be many different friendship groups consisting of between 5-10 learners Learners are able to move freely in and out, or between numerous friendship groups without anyone minding You are allowed to be yourself, quirks and all.

38. Friendship group is....... There might be a leader, but different people might take the lead at different times and everyone else in the group is seen to be equal

39. What is a clique? A small closely knit group of people who share things in common May be seen as the ‘popular’ group They always go around together in a group

40. What is a clique? They can sometimes act like they are better then everyone else Element of exclusivity They have rules They have a leader

41. Signs to watch for Often break the small rules in the school to give the impression that they are beyond the reach of adults Will often make unkind or mean comments to other learners They will make a joke when disciplined to communicate they don’t take the situation seriously

42. Thinking about cliques Why do you think cliques exist?

43. Thinking about cliques Do cliques exist in your school?

44. Different roles girls play in a clique The Queen Bee Activity Queen Bee Sidekick The Banker Torn bystander Wannabe/Pleaser The Floater The Target

45. Different roles girls play in a clique Who is the vulnerable person in the group and why?

46. Thinking about leaving the clique? Hangout out less and less with the group. Avoid making a big dramatic exit, this will only draw attention to you If possible, see if another person is also thinking about leaving the group

47. Thinking about leaving the clique? Plan ahead, don't just leave and find you have nobody else to go to or nothing to do with your time. Involve yourself in other interests or clubs.

48. Things to avoid Trying to overtly break up the group Thinking that all cliques are bad Creating a situation in which one clique is pitted against another Underestimating the power of a clique

49. Things to avoid Failing to recognise that young people need to belong to groups and that it's healthy Embarrassing the group in the presence of other learners Giving in to group whims of the group

50. Are certain girls being picked on or excluded Speaking negatively about certain girls in a certain way Pattern of on/off again friendships Observe “I notice when you are in playground/class……” “How does it feel when they says those things to you” “Tell me more about that……” Connect Work together to generate some possible ways to work through situations Explore ways to expand their social circle Guide Role play strategies ahead of time, check-in, listen, empower, guide Overtime they will be a more “empowered” too develop more positive relationships with each other Empower Offering support: A four step plan

51. What we can offer! Advice and guidance on specific incidents Build capacity within your school through bespoke training Delivery of bespoke packages of support to secure better outcomes for female learners

52. Anti-Bullying Toolkit Training Training dates: Brighton – Friday 2 nd October

53. Understanding Boy World Training dates: Brighton – Friday 9 th October

54. National Anti-Bullying Week 2015