1. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 1) Chapter 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication This multimedia product and its contents are protected under copyright law. The following are prohibited by law: any public performance or display, including transmission of any image over a network; preparation of any derivative work, including the extraction, in whole or in part, of any images; any rental, lease, or lending of the program. Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved

2. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 2) The Importance of Listening Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved  Learn  Relate  Influence  Play  Help

3. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 3) The Process of Listening Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved  Listening is a five stage process; the stages overlap and are performed simultaneously  Listening is never perfect  Listening is a skill that can be improved  Listening is not the same thing as hearing

4. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 4) The Process of Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage 1: Receiving – the physiological, passive process of hearing vibrations around you. Ways to improve receiving 1. Focus your attention- ( What is said & not said? Verbal & non- verbal messages?) 2. Avoid distractions- (take off your headphones) 3. Maintain your role as listener- (avoid interrupting)

5. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 5) The Process of Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage 1: Receiving Disclaimers – statements you make to listeners so your message won’t be interpreted negatively 1. Hedging (“I may be wrong here, but…”) 2. Credentialing (“As someone who plays piano, I…”) 3. Sin licenses (“I know this not be the place to discuss business, but…”) 4. Cognitive disclaimers (“I know you’ll think I’m crazy, but let me explain the logic of the case”) 5. Appeals for suspension of judgment (“Don’t hang up on me until you hear my side of the story”)

6. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 6) The Process of Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage 2: Understanding - you learn what the speaker’s thoughts and emotions mean Ways to improve understanding 1. Avoid assuming you understand 2. See the speaker’s messages from the speaker’s point of view 3. Ask questions for clarification 4. Rephrase or paraphrase

7. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 7) The Process of Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage 3: Remembering  You remember not what was said, but what you remember was said  Memory is reconstructive, not reproductive  To truly remember, info needs to pass from short term memory to long term memory

8. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 8) The Process of Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage 3: Remembering Ways to improve remembering 1. Focus your attention on central ideas 2. Organize material into categories or chunks (shopping list) 3. Relate new information to information you already know 4. Repeat key names or concepts to yourself (“Hi, Alice!” v.s. “Hi!”)

9. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 9) The Process of Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage 4: Evaluating – consciously or unconsciously judging the message Ways to make better critical judgments 1. Resist evaluating until you fully understand the speaker’s point of view 2. Separate facts from the speaker’s opinion or viewpoint

10. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 10) The Process of Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage 4: Evaluating Ways to make better critical judgments 3. Identify speaker’s bias, slant or self-interest 4. Recognize fallacies in reasoning  Name calling & ad hominem  Testimonial (white-coated actor selling toothpaste)  Bandwagon (“everyone else does”)

11. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 11) The Process of Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage 5: Responding – giving immediate or delayed feedback to the speaker on what you think and how you feel about the message Ways to improve responding 1. Support the speaker with listening cues 2. Take responsibility for what you say; use I-statements and avoid anonymity

12. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 12) The Process of Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Stage 4: Evaluating Ways to make better critical judgments 3. Resist responding to the speaker’s feelings by trying to solve their problems 4. Focus on the other person 5. Avoid being a “thought-completer” listener

13. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 13) Listening Barriers Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 1.Physical and mental distractions 2.Biases and prejudices 3.Lack of appropriate focus  Irrelevant details  Only what relates to you  Listen on in order to counter or reply 4.Premature judgment

14. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 14) Culture, Gender and Listening Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Three cultural differences influence listening 1.Language, meanings, and accents (ex. The word, “House”) 2.Nonverbal behaviors Display rules – cultural rules that govern what nonverbal displays are appropriate 3.Is direct or indirect feedback more appropriate?

15. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 15) Culture, Gender and Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Gender differences influence listening 1.Women listen to build rapport and relationships (rapport talk); men listen to build respect with knowledge and expertise (report talk) 2.Listening cues - women give obvious listening cues, men listen more quietly; women appear to listen more than men.

16. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 16) Culture, Gender and Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Gender differences influence listening 3.Amount and purpose  Men listen to women less than women listen to men  Listening indicates subordinate status  Men’s questions are argumentative and competitive, women’s are supportive  Research is conflicting  Gender roles are changing

17. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 17) Styles of Effective Listening Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 1.Empathic and objective listening  Empathic listening – listen to feel the other’s feelings, fully understand the other’s meaning; usually the preferred mode of listening  Objective listening – measure someone’s feelings against objective reality

18. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 18) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved How would you respond with empathy to each of these comments? Assume that all people are your peers. 1) I just can't seem to get my act together. Everything just falls apart as soon as I get involved. 2) I never felt so alone in my life. Chris left last night and said it was all over. We were together for three years and now—after a ten-minute argument—everything is lost. 3) I just got $20,000 from my aunt's estate. She left it to me! Twenty thousand! Now, I can get that car and buy some new clothes. 4) I just can't bear the thought of going into work today. I'm really fed up with the company. They treat us all like idiots. 5) A Camry! My parents bought me a Camry for graduation. What a bummer. They promised me a Lexus. How Can You Express Empathy?

19. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 19) Styles of Effective Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Adjusting your empathic and objective listening  Punctuate from the speaker’s point of view  Engage in equal, two-way conversation  Seek to understand both thought and feeling  Avoid “offensive” listening  Strive to be objective

20. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 20) Styles of Effective Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 2.Nonjudgmental and critical listening  Nonjudgmental listening – listen with an open mind toward understanding  Critical listening – listening to analyze and evaluate messages

21. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 21) Styles of Effective Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Adjusting your nonjudgmental and critical listening:  Keep an open mind and avoid prejudging  Avoid filtering out and oversimplifying complex messages  Recognize your own biases; watch for assimilation  Avoid sharpening (focusing on only one thing)  Recognize the fallacies of language

22. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 22) Styles of Effective Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 3.Surface and depth listening  Surface listening – listening to the literal meaning of words and sentences  Depth listening – listening to underlying message about the person’s feelings and needs

23. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 23) Styles of Effective Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 3.Surface and depth listening (cont.) Regulating your nonjudgmental and critical listening:  Focus on both verbal and nonverbal messages  Listen for both content and relational messages  Make special note of self-referential statements – statements referring back to speaker  Don’t disregard surface or literal meaning

24. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 24) Styles of Effective Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 4.Polite and impolite listening  Avoid interrupting the speaker  Give supportive listening cues  Show empathy with the speaker  Maintain eye contact  Give positive feedback

25. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 25) Styles of Effective Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved 5.Active listening - sending back to speaker what you think he or she meant in both content and feelings  Check your understanding of what speaker said and meant  Let speaker know you acknowledge and accept their feelings and  Helps speaker further explore their thoughts and feelings

26. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 26) Styles of Effective Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Avoid solution messages in active listening  Ordering messages  Warning and threatening messages  Preaching and moralizing messages  Advising messages

27. CH 4: Listening in Interpersonal Communication (slide 27) Styles of Effective Listening (cont.) Copyright © 2013, 2009, 2006 Pearson Education, Inc. All Rights Reserved Techniques of active listening a.Paraphrase speaker’s meaning b.Express understanding of speaker’s feelings c.Ask questions