1. Death of a Student: Navigating a School through Grief Samuel J. Smith, Ed.D. ACSI Convention Raleigh, NC ~ 2011

2. Living in the Three Days

3. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

4. 15 According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.

5. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.

6. Our Emily

7. Complications of Grief Manner of death Existing family stress

8. A Mother’s Grief Begins to sense a displacement of her role Finds solace in relating with other bereaved mothers

9. A Father’s Grief Senses a loss of control Guilt for not being able to stop the death Helpless to alleviate grief of wife and children

10. Guilt “I could have done something to prevent it.” “I shouldn’t have been so mean to her.”

12. Acknowledge & Remember Acknowledge the extent of their sorrow without directing them to grieve “properly” Over time, remember to maintain contact DO #1:

13. Provide Support Systems School Counselors Campus Pastors DO #2:

14. Provide Time and Opportunities for Reflection Talking Journaling Scrapbooking Blogging DO #3:

15. Plan Ceremonies & Rituals DO #4:

16. Mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15 Rejoice with those who rejoice.

17. What We Can Learn from the American Cancer Society

18. DO #5: Speak the name!

19. Acknowledge Limitations: It’s okay to say... “I don’t know.” “This doesn’t make sense.” “I love you and pray for you but feel at such a loss to know how to help.” DO #6:

20. DON’T #1: Don’t require them to grieve as you expect or as “most” people do. Don’t say or imply... “It’s time to move on.” “You’ll eventually get over it.”

21. DON’T #2: Don’t use confusing euphemisms for death, such as... “She’s asleep.” “God took him.” “He went away.”

22. DON’T #3: Don’t use trite statements that minimize their grief, such as... “I know exactly how you feel.” “At least you have other children/brothers/sisters.” “Others are suffering more.” “It’s part of God’s plan.”

23. DON’T #4: Don’t ignore grieving by... Changing the subject Disregarding references to their loss Passing by anniversaries unnoticed

24. What does “recovery” look like? Integrated Grief

25. Grief at Different Ages 3-5 Year Olds Believe death is immediately and magically reversible. Teach them a biblical perspective of victory over death. 6-10 Year Olds Realize mortality and fear their own death. Teach them to trust God for safety today and eternally. 11-13 Year Olds Believe they’re invincible. Sporadically move in and out of grief. Teach them it’s okay to manage concurrent sadness & happiness. Teenagers May internalize grief or act it out in unhealthy, dangerous ways. Teach them that you and other adults will be there for them. Model unconditional love and get help when necessary.

26. Resolving Spiritual Issues Solace or skepticism Blame themselves or God Belief or doubt

27. Identification with... Job David God the Father

28. Transformation Life Relationships Family oriented Heightened compassion

29. Resources for Teachers & Parents http://www.churchleaders.com/children/childrens- ministry-articles/137674-where-is-god-children-and- grief.htmlhttp://www.churchleaders.com/children/childrens- ministry-articles/137674-where-is-god-children-and- grief.html http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/your_chil ds_emotions/how_to_help_your_child_grieve.aspxhttp://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/your_chil ds_emotions/how_to_help_your_child_grieve.aspx http://www.grief-works.org/