1. SOYOUWANNA IMPROVE YOUR TABLE MANNERS? Dining Etiquette

2. When dining, whether at home with company or in a restaurant there are certain manners which when applied can change an 'alright' eating experience into a really enjoyable one. Now please don't think that I am stuffy or hoity toity, far from it. I value freedom of expression and the right to be oneself both in public or private. However, a lack of basic manners when dining can definitely make the dining experience disagreeable. The rules of dining etiquette are not difficult and are not designed to reduce the pleasure of the person using them. They afford respect from all angles and stop diners from annoying and upsetting one another.

3. So here follows a description of the most important table manners which we recognize in the Western world. 3. Being polite when asking for something from a waiter or another person at the table is also appreciated. Asking when you need something instead of leaning across others food is definitely good manners. Snapping your fingers to get the attention of the water only makes the waiter unhappy and your food just might come out COLD. 2. There is nothing so disappointing as sitting down to a meal and hearing diners at another table, or even yours, shouting and even swearing. Its enough to put you off your food. Not raising your voice, banging the table or singing loudly will be appreciated by others. 1. Arrive at the table in time for the meal with washed hands and clothes on. I say 'clothes on' as I have observed diners in certain places sitting down for a meal spilling out of bikinis or where it is a man committing the offense, bare chested. These diners to be are usually asked by staff to put more clothing on. It saves much embarrassment not to have to be asked.

4. 4. If you find that you don't like the taste of what you have ordered it is polite to deal quietly with the matter instead of making a huge deal out of it and upsetting others. If there is something wrong with the food then quietly inform the waiter. If you simply don't like it then you can order something else. Shouting 'oh my God' and 'yuck!' will not endear you to others. 6. Please, please, please do not belch, tell rude jokes or discuss medical or toilet related stories whilst others are still eating. 5. Many people may feel that keeping your elbows off of the table is outdated, however I beg to differ. If you take up space on the table where glasses and dishes are supposed to go you may be inconveniencing others and could inadvertently knock over a glass.

5. 7. If you are eating food which is runny or sticky then it is best to use a napkin to dab your face when necessary and a finger bowl for your hands. It is not good form to sit there with salad cream dripping from your chin or to wipe your fingers on your clothes or the table cloth. This may sound far fetched, but I have unfortunately seen it done! 9. When you have finished a meal it is not the done thing to lite up a cigarette at the table just because you are ready for one. Others around you may still be eating. It is best, even in an eating establishment that accepts smoking to reserve lighting up until all diners have finished, or to go outside into the fresh air to indulge. 8. Unless you are attempting to clear the room it is best not to fiddle or scratch your ears, nose or anywhere else for that matter!

6. 10. Finally, when you are ready to leave the table if you have enjoyed your meal then thank the cook. If you are in a restaurant you can pass your appreciation on verbally via a waitress and leave a tip. If you are at home you could always do the washing up!

7. Time to figure out which stuff is yours.

8. OK, so we've overcome the enormous hurdle of getting your rump into the chair. Now it's time to take inventory and figure out which stuff is yours. We've all gone to a dinner and used our neighbor's fork, glass, bread plate, or husband. My, how embarrassing! So here's a shortcut so that you can know exactly what is yours: (1)Your plate is in the center. (2) Knives and spoons are on your right, and forks and your napkin on the left. (3) Liquids (e.g., your water) go to your right, and solids (e.g., bread plate) go on your left. Here's a funky example of what the utensil layout in front of you may look like:

9. What to do? Why are there so many knives, forks and spoons? Which is used first?

10. There might be more forks, knives, or spoons, depending on what the meal is, but you get the general idea. If you need another shortcut, remember that your drink is always on the right because the first two letters in the word "DRink" stand for "Drink Right." Catchy, eh? Just know that your bread plate is on the other side, and you're set! One note if you happen to be the host: remember that all items (e.g., salad, meal, wine, water) should be brought to each diner's RIGHT, and cleared from each diner's LEFT. That's why the glasses are all on the right. There are so many rules about proper table manners that it would take forever to list every nitpicky item. So let's move right to the meal. But wait! USE YOUR UTENSILS CORRECTLY

12. 2. USE YOUR UTENSILS CORRECTLY OK, hot shot. You know where your stuff is. But now it's time to know how to use everything properly. Take your napkin and place it in your lap right away when you sit down. (It should never be on the table.) Don't get fancy and try to snap it open. Just put it on your lap (NOT into your shirt). If you're a man, do not put your tie over your shoulder. Now you can take some bread from the breadbasket. Take only one slice of bread. (It's OK to rip it from the loaf with your hands, but be neat. Don't declare war on the bread and cheer when you get your slice separated.) Here's a common mistake: DO NOT butter your bread at this point. Yeah, you heard us. This is how to do it:

13. 1. Take some butter, and put it on your plate, not on the bread. 2. Now you have your own little pile of butter and won't continually fish from the communal butter dish. 3. Tear a bite-size piece off of your bread. 4. Butter that bite-sized piece from your own little butter pile. 5. Eat it with delight.