1. TALKING THE TALK Developing Communication Skills

2. Pick a person activity:  Greet them.  Find an area of interest for them.  Find an area of shared interest.  Identify something you would like to talk to them about in the future.  Close the conversation. Find someone in the room that you don’t know, or don’t know very well. You have five tasks: You have 15 minutes

3. Take 10 minutes to answer the questions on the sheet you were handed when you came in. PRE-TEST DO NOT PANIC! THIS IS NOT GRADED!

4. Are you listening? “The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard.” William Hazlit  MAKE EYE CONTACT This is how the speaker knows that you are listening.  TAKE TURNS AND DON’T INTERRUPT  PAY ATTENTION AND RESPOND APPROPRIATELY The best conversationalists are those who listen well.  ENTER CONVERSATIONS POLITELY There is a correct way to join a conversation.  approach the group quietly  smile to those in conversation  listen to what people are saying  wait until spoken to before speaking  behave politely when someone joins an active conversation  END CONVERSATIONS POLITELY It is not polite to walk away in the middle of a conversation.

5. Four tricks to starting a conversation:  Ask a closed-ended or open-ended question  Make a positive or light-hearted comment  Offer a compliment followed by an easy to answer question  Introduce yourself

6. But I didn’t say anything! What your body language is saying…  Words are only 7 percent of your conversation  Voice Tonality is 38 percent  Body language is 55 percent

7. Remember to S-O-F-T-E-N “Conversations consist for the most part of things one does not say.” Cees Nooteboom  Smile – a smile shows you are friendly and open to conversation  Open Arms – this says I’m receptive and available for conversation  Forward Lean – leaning back gives off signals of disinterest and boredom; show that you are attentive  Touch – a handshake or hug is an acceptable form of touch when greeting someone  Eye contact – this shows that you are listening and interested in the conversation  Nod – a nod of the head shows that you are listening and understand what is being said

8. How to keep the conversation going…  Key words  Listen carefully for key words that can help continue the conversation; this can also give you another possible conversation topic as the conversation continues  Free information  These are the facts and details that are offered; these can also help to maintain the flow of the conversation and provide for future conversation topics and transitions (i.e. “You mentioned earlier…”  Iceberg Statements  These are information, feelings, or interests that are not specifically stated, but implied; these can lend to maintaining the conversation.  Hot Buttons  These are enthusiastic topics of conversation, generally of something the two conversers share an interest in (i.e. science, arts, drama, music etc.)  Common Interests  These are areas of mutual experience and involvement that can help to create a bond between the two speakers and continue the conversation

9. Be culturally aware  Do respect differences  Do show interest in the other person’s country  Don’t take offense if someone says the wrong thing  Do avoid stereotyping  Don’t assume you know the country the other person is from  Do match your language speed and vocabulary with the other person’s language skills  Don’t assume understanding The Do’s and Don'ts of Communicating with a Culturally Diverse Population *Remember that you don’t know the other person’s experience; listen first speak later*

10. But I don’t agree with that.  “It seems to me…”  “Here’s the way I see it…”  “I think…”  “I believe…”  “It’s my impression…”  “In my opinion…”  “I feel differently about it…”  It’s been my experience…” *Always remember that everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. In order to have positive social connections, you never want to attack someone’s beliefs* Here are some key phrases to know to tactfully disagree with what someone is saying: Keep your tone positive and control your facial expressions; if you are angry, don’t let the other person know it.

11. …and we’re done… “Every person has something meaningful to say in the conversation of life.” Bryant McGill  Wait for a significant pause in the conversation.  Restate something that the other person has said.  Let the other person know that you enjoyed talking to them.  You may want to let the other person know that you would like to talk again sometime.  Try to use the other person’s name when saying goodbye. How to end a conversation gracefully:

12. Appropriate vs. Inappropriate conversation topics:  Music  Movies  Arts  Classes  TV  Hobbies  Food  Sports  *Be positive*  Religion*  Politics*  Sex  Trash talking  Discussions about bodily functions (eww)  *Avoid discussing negative/down/depressing topics* Appropriate (for the first conversation at least) Inappropriate (or potentially confrontational) *These aren’t completely off limits, but best avoided in the first few conversations*

13. How do I keep my friends?  Patience  Respect  Understanding  Sharing  Compassion  Trust  Equality  Reliability  Helping  Learning  Love  Sympathy  Fun  Flexibility  Reassurance  Tolerance  Honesty  Take the initiative-reach out to others  Show genuine interest in people  Treat others with respect and kindness  Value yourself and others as unique individuals who have much to offer  Plan activities around a mutual interest  Maintain contact with people you like What are the characteristics of friendship? 6 keys to making/keeping friends:

14. Be aware of your audience  Casual stance  Relaxed posture  Casual vocabulary  A wide array of conversation topics  No titles used, usually first names and nicknames  Attentive stance  Respectful posture  Appropriate, respectful vocabulary  Address them by their appropriate title  Appropriate, relevant, conversation topics Conversations will look different depending on who you are talking to: Family and FriendsTeachers, Bosses, and Authority Figures *Remember: Adults deserve to be respected, the same way you do*

15. Inappropriate social interaction:  Bullying (in-person, and via electronic outlets)  Harassment (verbal, physical, sexual)  Verbal abuse  Exclusion (purposely excluding another person from activities)  Physically inappropriate touching  Outing (telling another person’s secrets)  Any other forms of social interaction in which another person is made to feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or is physically or psychologically damaged by the events is INAPPROPRIATE SOCIAL INTERACTION and WILL NOT BE TOLERATED  Talk to the person-let them know how the situation is affecting you.  Talk to your parents.  Talk to a school authority that you feel comfortable with.  Bring the matter to your guidance counselor. What does it look like? What should you do? *The same rules apply for in-person interaction as well as interaction via the internet and social media websites, and cell phone use*

16. Personal thoughts on our opening activity:  Did you shake the other person’s hand when you greeted them? Smile and introduce yourself?  Were you aware of the other person’s body language? Your own body language?  Were you able to find all the pieces of information?  Were there awkward pauses in the conversation?  Did you end the conversation similar to how the presentation indicated?  Do you think the conversation may have gone differently if you had seen the presentation first?

17. References  Gabor, D. (2001). How to start a conversation and make friends. New York, NY: Fireside.  Neitlich, E. (2004). Six communication skills every child should know [Blog message]. Retrieved from What’s for Dinner: http://www.whatsfordinner.net/articles/article-Six- Communication-Skills-Every-Child-Should-Know.html