1. By Donna Brown

3.  A way of focusing your attention that can produce significant benefits  Opposite of multi-tasking

4. Rebecca Shafir writes “our environment with its constant bombardment of stimuli challenges your innate ability to relax and focus on one task at a time.”

5.  We listen to obtain information  We listen to understand  We listen for enjoyment  We listen to learn  Listen Effectively from “Hitch” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQzduf9 GH8M http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQzduf9 GH8M

6.  We remember 25% to 50% of what we hear.  That means when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers, or spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to half of the conversation.  Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness

7.  By understanding your personal style of communicating, you will go along way towards creating good and lasting impressions of others  The average person speaks at 125 words per minute, yet we can process up to 500 words per minute.

9.  The process of listening, clarifying, giving feedback, and self-disclosing.  It involves the participation of both parties in verbal and non-verbal ways.  The use of “I” statements is imperative.

10.  Look the speaker in the face most of the time, especially look at his/her eyes  If you forget to make eye contact, speaker may think you are bored, withdrawn, or simply not listening  Be culturally sensitive: some individuals may be uncomfortable with too much direct eye contact

11.  Sit or stand in a comfortable position  Aim your body in the general direction of the speaker  Try to be relaxed  Be aware of other non-verbals: placement of arms, leaning forward when necessary, head nodding, degree of personal space, smiling

12.  State in your own words what someone has just said  Some common ways to lead into paraphrases are: What I hear you saying is…. In other words…. So basically how you felt was… What happened was… Sounds like you’re feeling…  The speaker has the chance to make the message more clear if he/she doesn’t think you really understood

13.  If something the speaker said is unclear, ask him/her a question to get more information  Asking questions make you an active, interested listener  The speaker can tell you have been listening enough to have a question and care enough to ask  Ask open ended questions:  Could you give me an example…

14.  When the speaker stops or pauses, make comments about the same subject  If you change the topic suddenly, she/he may think you weren’t listening  If the speaker asks a question, your answer can show you were listening  Use silence to your benefit versus attempting to fill the conversation with constant talk

15.  Feedback should always be given in an honest and supportive way  Empathy: identify with the speaker’s feelings. It can be difficult if you have different life experiences or would try a different solution  Openness: be a supportive, but neutral listener. Be careful of judgments.  Awareness: be aware of your own biases. We all have them, it’s human nature

16.  Effective Listening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTr7mRs1 ixg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTr7mRs1 ixg

18.  A two-way flow of information keeps listeners focused and involved  The listener is more involved if he/she can break in from time to time to clarify, check out the message, etc  If the listener is involved, then he/she is more likely to listen well and attentively  Sometimes the speaker’s control of the message is too rigid and this blocks a two- way flow. Ex: lecturing, giving advice, reprimanding

19.  Avoid clouding up your listening attention with assumptions about:  What the other person is trying to say  What they really mean  What they want the listener to do, etc  Assumptions are often not accurate  They certainly prevent the listener from focusing on what’s being said  If I’m assuming, I’m not listening

20.  Most people have definite private buzz words which will have a definite emotional charge, sometimes positive, sometimes more negative  When listeners hear their own buzz words, they’re apt to reject or accept the whole message  When the buzz words hits, the listening stops

21.  Listeners who feel challenged by what they hear may begin formulating their own counter-arguments while the message is still in route  The listener has shifted focus to refuting what the speaker has “mistakenly” said

22.  Other things in the environment  Things in the listener’s own mind

23.  In our haste to share our own ideas, we cut others off  This conveys to the speaker that you do not value what they have to say

24.  It takes a lot of concentration to be an active listener  Be deliberate with your listening  Your goal is truly hear what the other person is saying  Concentrate on the message; do not let your mind wander  Ask questions, reflect, and paraphrase Is anybody listening? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poAUNIQ sTJI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poAUNIQ sTJI

25.  “How to be a Good Listener” http://www.twu.edu/downloads/counseling/E- 8_How_to_be_a_good_listener.pdf http://www.twu.edu/downloads/counseling/E- 8_How_to_be_a_good_listener.pdf  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poAUNIQsTJI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poAUNIQsTJI  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTr7mRs1ixg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTr7mRs1ixg  http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=Az1v_yF_oXs http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=Az1v_yF_oXs