1. Supporting Grief

2. Remember it is who you are that heals, not what you know. - Carl Jung

3. Strong Back/Soft Front Strong back – equanimity – the capacity to be in touch with suffering but not be swept away by it Soft front – compassion – non egocentric caring of implicit equality

4. Compassion........ It is having the felt sense of someone else’s pain with the desire to alleviate it In compassion there is an implicit equality between people When the pain is emotional, we meet it in order to alleviate it – struggling against things tend only to make them worse

5. Pain X Resistance = Suffering

6. Connection is necessary to bring hope. Compassion must be present along with the suffering for there to be connection. Connection can calm distress which can then increase cognitive fluency.

7. Ritual Something to do when we don’t know what to do “to fit together” Recognizes a life change and is something to do to honor and support the change Helps us slow down intentionally

8. Mourning Rituals Cultural Family traditions Individual actions Evolve over time

9. What are your rituals around death and grieving?

10. Ask about these…… Upcoming birthdays Holidays Anniversaries Meaningful times

11. Where I start from................. This work can be extremely difficult and at times frightening Emotions are contagious and are felt and emitted unconsciously – our brains register other’s emotions. Babies do this – not about intellect Your first greatest resource is a settled nervous system Your internal awareness and use of your breath are the pathways to settling yourself

12. Compassion and empathic attunement are masterly tension reducers Body sensations are the first signs of emotions Identifying emotions leads to an opportunity for self compassion Self compassion leads to compassion for others If all else fails, be kind

13. Death ends life, not a relationship…..

14. Remembering what made them special what do you miss about them the most what are some of your best and most difficult memories of them what is your favorite story what was challenging about them/your relationship with them who reminds you the most of them any unfinished business you would like to address with them

15. What do you most miss about them? What difference did they make in your life? How do you think they would feel knowing this? What did you bring to their life? What are the things about your loved one that you want to “carry on” in your life?