1. Being a Good Listener

2. QUOTE: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak.” (Bible)

3. QUOTE: “People listen for one of two reasons: 1) To learn. 2) To ask the next question. You cannot do both!”

4. Advantages of being a good listener It helps your relationships! Being listened to makes people feel accepted, valued, and understood. It builds the self- confidence of others.

5. Advantages of being a good listener (cont’d.) It helps solve problems at home, at school, and at work. The more you listen, the more people will listen to what you have to say… You will learn a lot!

6. Tips for Being a Good Listener

7. Focus your attention on the speaker. If he or she isn’t speaking your first language, this is harder to do… but it’s essential. If it’s an important conversation, turn off your cell phone.

8. Avoid the temptation to “tune out”!

10. Put yourself in the other person’s place. Actively try to understand his or her point of view.

11. Stop doing all the talking.

12. The No. 1 reason that we miss information is because we are thinking of what we are going to say next.

13. Try to stop focusing on what you’re going to say next…

14. Use friendly body language. Look at the speaker. Smile warmly Nod your head when it is appropriate.

15. Don’t fold your arms…

16. Pay attention to the other person’s body language, too.

17. Make short comments to show you are listening: Hmm. Really? Why? I know. I know the feeling. I see… I see what you mean. I can relate to that.

18. Listener’s short comments (cont’d.) You’re right about that. That’s great. That’s too bad. (Don’t say: It’s a pity.) You’re kidding! OTHERS?

19. Notice what the speaker doesn’t say… Try to get the entire message—both what was said and what wasn’t said…

20. Do not interrupt with what you feel or think about the topic. Wait for the other person to ask your opinion.

21. Don’t feel you have to fill every pause. Empathy doesn’t mean you always have to share a story about when you felt the same way (although this is sometimes helpful)…

22. Don’t assume that the other person wants your advice. We often think the other person is talking to us because he or she wants to know what we think… that may not be true!

23. If you don’t understand, say so.

24. Ask for clarification when necessary. Sometimes, if we are listening to a foreign language, we are embarrassed to admit how much we don’t understand—but try not to pretend. Try repeating back the part you did understand.

25. Getting clarification You mean... Do you mean...? Are you telling me...? You don't mean..., do you? Are you trying to say...? Let me see if I get what you’re saying… Could you run that by me one more time?

26. Ask the speaker open-ended questions What do you think about that? How do you feel about that? Then what happened? etc. Tell me more… However, don’t make the other person feel that you are interrogating him or her.

27. Don’t accuse Avoid saying, “You always …” and “You never” Emphasize your need to understand, not the other person’s need to explain.

28. Tell the speaker what you heard him/ her say Summarize what the speaker has said in your own words. This lets the speaker know you have really been listening. It also gives him or her a chance to correct you if you are wrong. This is an especially good technique to try when you find yourself getting frustrated or restless in your listening.

29. What if you’re not interested? Continue to show respect. End the conversation in a way that allows it to be continued at another time. “Hey, it’s been great talking to you—but I’ve really got to be going…”

30. In class or in a business meeting: If you’re sleepy, try taking notes!

31. Exercise Work in a small group. One person begins. He or she asks the person on the right a friendly question and listens carefully to the answer. However the person answers, the first person asks several follow-up questions to understand the answer or to get to know the person better. Others in the circle may also ask questions… but they may not give their opinions unless they are asked.

32. The person on the left is the observer and should take notes on the listening skills. For instance, how was the body language? Did the listener make short comments to show he or she was listening? Did he or she ask for clarification when necessary? When the conversation is over, the note- taker should share his or her observations. This exercise can continue around the circle.