1. Interpersonal Effectiveness Arleta High School 2016-2017

2. What is Interpersonal Effectiveness? In DBT, Interpersonal Effectiveness refers to the skills which help us to: Attend to relationships. Balance priorities versus demands. Balance the “wants” and “shoulds”. Build a sense of mastery and self-respect.

3. How do I get what I want? DESCRIBE EXPRESS ASSERT REINFORCE Be Mindful. Appear Confident. Negotiate.

4. Goals of Interpersonal Effectiveness Getting the “thing” I want: Determining if it is your legitimate right. Getting another to do something for you. Refusing an unwanted or unreasonable request. Resolving an interpersonal conflict. Getting your opinion or point of view taken seriously. Source: http://www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf

5. How to I Get What You Want? Communication is key to getting what you want. In order to be successful, you need to know how to effectively express yourself. There are 3 types of communication styles: 1)Passive Communication 2)Assertive Communication 3)Aggressive Communication

7. Interpersonal Communication Styles Passive Communication Style: This style of communication typically involves going along with what someone wants and expressing little to no opinion. This person may compliment others, yet put themselves down. Assertive Commination Style: This style of communication involves expressing how you feel in a polite manner. This person shows confidence and stands up for what they believe is right. Aggressive Communication Style: This person can come across argumentative, hostile, rude, and even intimidate others.

9. What Are Consequences of Being Passive? 1)Someone who is passive will often give in to what others say and/or do. They tend to not get what they want as a result of lack of communication. This can result in a low self- esteem as well as negative thoughts about themselves.

11. Consequences of Being Assertive? There are many positive results of being assertive. These include getting along well with others which allows them to have positive relationships with others. As a result of being respectful of self and others they have a high self-esteem which helps them be successful academically, personally, and in the work force.

12. What Are the Consequences of Being Aggressive? Those who are aggressive often struggle with having good relationships with others. This is often due to the fact that they can intimidate others which results in making enemies with others. This person often is unhappy, angry and resentful of others.

14. Communication Styles Video Steps: 1.Go to www.youtube.comwww.youtube.com 2.Type in your LAUSD information: The first part of your email address as well as you personal email password. 3.Once you are able to access YouTube cut and paste the URL found below. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68ciKK1afDQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68ciKK1afDQ 4.Click on the video that says “Appear Confident”.

15. RELATIONSHIP EFFECTIVENESS Getting and Keeping a Good Relationship Acting in such a way that the other person will like and respect you. Balancing immediate goals with the good of the long–term relationship. Remembering why the relationship is important to you now and in the future.

16. SELF-RESPECT EFFECTIVENESS Maintaining and Improving Self-Respect. Like Yourself. Respect your own values and beliefs by acting in a way that makes you feel moral. Behave in a way that makes you feel capable and effective.

17. Post-It Activity On your post-it write down one thing you have thought negatively about yourself. For example, I hate my hair, I will never be able to make the soccer team, I am dumb and I will never understand math class.

18. Let the Negative Thoughts Go Take the “I can’t” “I will never” “I hate” out of your mind and every time you start to say that you can’t do something stop yourself, write that thought down, tear it up, and throw it in the trash. Group Discussion: How did you feel when you tore the paper? How can negative thoughts hold you back?

20. Handout Turn your handout over to the second page. Answer the top portion of the handout labeled “Self-Respect”. Answer questions #2-3

21. Pair-Share In pairs, discuss what you wrote on your handout for the following questions: 1)What does self-respect mean to you? 2)“To get respect, you have to give respect.” Explain what this means. 3)“Treat others that way you’d like them to treat you.” Explain what this means. *Whole Group Share-Out

22. How Self-Esteem Relates to Interpersonal Effectiveness In order to express ourselves we must be confident, this means we need to be able to show confidence in ourselves. Negotiating with others is a skill we must learn, so that we do not allow others to make choices for us. We must make our opinions, feelings and thoughts known.

23. Self-Esteem Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3xibpxie W0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3xibpxie W0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxsBxhw zw58 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxsBxhw zw58 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zq- fSpFhNYw https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zq- fSpFhNYw

24. Discussion Questions What did you see or feel while watching the video? What lesson is the viewer supposed to learn? Why is self-esteem so important? What are some ways people can increase their self- esteem?

25. Handout 1.Take your handout and turn to the second page. Find the section that says “Self-Esteem” and complete the questions. 2. Discussion Whole Group 3.Now write down 4 things you like about yourself at the bottom section of the handout.

26. Sources http://www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf http://texasprojectfirst.org/SelfAdvocacy.html http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/interpersonal_effectiveness1.html http://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/do-you-have-a-passive- or-aggressive-interpersonal-style http://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/do-you-have-a-passive- or-aggressive-interpersonal-style

27. Images http://coachesaid.com/Content/Mascots/ca-caahs29-letter-150.png http://zaneblackman.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/14742682_s.jpg www.quotesgram.com https://asterchew.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/21141-strip-zoom.gif http://w.mawebcenters.com/static/ecommerce/114/114695/media/catalog/prod uct/cache/1/image/5e06319eda06f020e43594a9c230972d/a/s/assertiveness- chart.jpg http://w.mawebcenters.com/static/ecommerce/114/114695/media/catalog/prod uct/cache/1/image/5e06319eda06f020e43594a9c230972d/a/s/assertiveness- chart.jpg https://www.google.com/search?q=passive+communication+interpersonal+effecti veness+teenager&safe=strict&biw=1438&bih=655&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X &ved=0ahUKEwjE4L- 4najNAhUEKGMKHfgpCicQ_AUIBigB&dpr=1#imgrc=uSbh3JS9UX2cOM%3A https://www.google.com/search?q=passive+communication+interpersonal+effecti veness+teenager&safe=strict&biw=1438&bih=655&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X &ved=0ahUKEwjE4L- 4najNAhUEKGMKHfgpCicQ_AUIBigB&dpr=1#imgrc=uSbh3JS9UX2cOM%3A https://ggevrey.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/assertiveness-dilbert.jpg http://depositphotos.com/6755505/stock-photo-emoticon-aggressive.html https://www.buzzfeed.com/kevintang/12-delightfully-passive-aggressive- comics?utm_term=.uoGW5EaYQ#.oslpA42mv https://www.buzzfeed.com/kevintang/12-delightfully-passive-aggressive- comics?utm_term=.uoGW5EaYQ#.oslpA42mv http://invisiblebread.com/2014/11/aggressive/