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CHAPTER 9, PART THREE Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships, continued… Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Section 4 MAINTAINING RELATIONSHIPS THROUGH COMMUNICATION Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Consider this… “Communication involved in maintaining relationships may not always be exciting, but handling it effectively accounts for as much as 80% of the difference between satisfying and unsatisfying relationships.” Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Content and Relational Messages Every message, verbal and nonverbal, has a second relational dimension which makes statements about how communicators feel toward one another. We are unaware of the relational messages that bombard us every day. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Expression of Relational Messages How could you act while saying, “Can you help me for a minute?” while communicating the following relationships: Superiority Helplessness Friendliness Sexual desire Irritation Aloofness Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Expression of Relational Messages Metacommunication: Messages that refer to other messages. It is sometimes necessary to talk about your communication with another person. Why is metacommunication considered “taboo” in some relationships? Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Relational Maintenance Strategies Stafford and Canary: Five strategies for maintaining romantic relationships: 1. Positivity 2. Openness 3. Assurances 4. Sharing tasks 5. Social networks Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Repairing Damaged Relationships The strongest relationships hit a bumpy patch. Relational transgressions: When one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship, letting the other one down in some important way. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Types of Relational Transgressions Minor versus significant Social versus relational Deliberate versus unintentional One-time versus incremental Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Strategies for Relational Repair Talk about the violation. Send clear, assertive “I- messages” Ask questions and listen nondefensively to the answers Apologize in three parts: Acknowledge that the transgression was wrong Sincerely apologize Discuss compensation, “I’ll never do that again.” Nonverbal behavior must match words. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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Forgiving Transgressions Research: Transgressors who are forgiven are less likely to repeat their offenses. Recall times that you have needed others’ forgiveness. Try nonverbal behaviors, as well as discussion. Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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END OF SECTION Interplay Interplay, Eleventh Edition, Adler/Rosenfeld/Proctor Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc.
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