1. SOUTHPORT HIGH SCHOOL Peer Mediation Training

2. ICEBREAKER… LET’S GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER

3. WHAT YOU CAN EXPECT IN TRAINING: 1.To learn that each CONFLICT offers a chance to learn and grow when a “win-win” resolution is found. 2.To learn, understand, and be able to recognize the difference between a conflict and a bullying situation. 3.To learn and practice the 5 stages of peer mediation. 4.Facilitators that give their best effort!

4. WHAT FACILITATORS EXPECT FROM YOU: 1.Willingness to learn and pay attention. 2.Agreement to practice non-violent conflict resolution in your own life. 3.Follow the model of conflict peer mediation presented to you.

5. AS A MEDIATOR, YOU WILL: Help students peacefully find solutions to their conflict. Be a good school citizen who can solve problems without violence. Be an honest, trustworthy, respectful, and responsible, person.

6. Show fairness and caring in mediation by not taking sides and showing appreciation to others. Act responsible in mediation by working hard and listening well. Maintain confidentiality about what happens in mediation sessions.

7. WHAT MEDIATORS DO NOT DO: Mediators do not solve problems for other students. Students with problems are responsible for their own problems and solutions. Keep secret information about a person who intends to harm themselves or others. Mediators do not act as police officers. If a physical conflict occurs, mediators get involved only by getting help from an adult and following approved safety procedures.

8. Conflict occurs when two or more parties (people, groups, etc.) perceive that they have mutually incompatible goals. They want different outcomes. There are many different types of conflict. Conflicts vary in intensity and duration. Intensity affects the way we intervene.

10. Defining Bullying Intent to harm/Unwanted, aggressive behavior Repeated or potential for repeated behavior Real or perceived power imbalance

11. What is NOT Bullying?

12. How do people respond to conflict? “Fight or Flight” Physiologically we respond to conflict in one of two ways—we want to “get away from the conflict” or we are ready to “take on anyone who comes our way.” Think for a moment about when you are in conflict. Do you want to leave or do you want to fight when a conflict presents itself? Neither physiological response is good or bad—it’s a personal response. What is important to learn, regardless of our initial physiological response to conflict, is that we should intentionally choose our response to conflict.

13. CONFLICT STYLES COMPETING COLLABORATING COMPROMISING AVOIDING ACCOMODATING http://www.foundationcoalition.org/public ations/brochures/conflict.pdf

14. 5 Conflict Styles Competing Compromising Avoiding Collaborating Accommodating Each of these modes can be characterized by two scales: assertiveness and cooperation. None of these modes is wrong to use, but there are right and wrong times to use each. http://www.foundationcoalition.org/public ations/brochures/conflict.pdf

15. Competing The competing conflict mode is high assertiveness and low cooperation. Times when the competing mode is appropriate are when quick action needs to be taken, when unpopular decisions need to be made, when vital issues must be handled, or when one is protecting self-interests. Competing Skills Arguing or debating Using rank or influence Asserting your opinions and feelings Standing your ground Stating your position clearly

16. Avoiding The avoiding mode is low assertiveness and low cooperation. Many times people will avoid conflicts out of fear of engaging in a conflict or because they do not have confidence in their conflict management skills. Times when the avoiding mode is appropriate are when you have issues of low importance, to reduce tensions, to buy some time, or when you are in a position of lower power. Avoiding Skills Ability to withdraw Ability to sidestep issues Ability to leave things unresolved Sense of timing

17. Accommodating The accommodating mode is low assertiveness and high cooperation. Times when the accommodating mode is appropriate are to show reasonableness, develop performance, create good will, or keep peace. Some people use the accommodating mode when the issue or outcome is of low importance to them. The accommodating mode can be problematic when one uses the mode to “keep a tally” or to be a martyr. For example, if you keep a list of the number of times you have accommodated someone and then you expect that person to realize, without your communicating to the person, that she/he should now accommodate you. Accommodating Skills Forgetting your desires Selflessness Ability to yield Obeying orders

18. Compromising The compromising mode is moderate assertiveness and moderate cooperation. Some people define compromise as “giving up more than you want,” while others see compromise as both parties winning. Times when the compromising mode is appropriate are when you are dealing with issues of moderate importance, when you have equal power status, or when you have a strong commitment for resolution. Compromising mode can also be used as a temporary solution when there are time constraints. Compromising Skills Negotiating Finding a middle ground Assessing value Making concessions

19. Collaborating The collaborating mode is high assertiveness and high cooperation. Collaboration has been described as “putting an idea on top of an idea on top of an idea…in order to achieve the best solution to a conflict.” The best solution is defined as a creative solution to the conflict that would not have been generated by a single individual. With such a positive outcome for collaboration, some people will profess that the collaboration mode is always the best conflict mode to use. Times when the collaborative mode is appropriate are when the conflict is important to the people who are constructing an integrative solution, when the issues are too important to compromise, when merging perspectives, when gaining commitment, when improving relationships, or when learning. Collaboration Skills Active listening Nonthreatening confrontation Identifying concerns Analyzing input

20. Conflict Escalator and Behavior that makes the conflict worse will take it another step up the escalator. No one gets on the escalator empty handed. They always bring baggage to the conflict. Past relationship with the other person. Current feelings about the person. Feelings about self. Mood that day. Diversity Issues

22. Gender Roles – Socialized to respond in a certain way based on gender role – Examples Expectations – Do we believe the other person or our team wants to resolve the conflict? Assumptions – Assumptions are ideas that a speaker or a writer takes for granted. – Examples http://eca.state.gov/forum/vols/vol42/no3 /p02.htm

23. Self-concept – How we think and feel about ourselves affect how we approach conflict. Do we think our thoughts, feelings, and opinions are worth being heard by the person with whom we are in conflict? Situation – Where is the conflict occurring, do we know the person we are in conflict with, and is the conflict personal or professional?

24. Position (Power) – What is our power status relationship, (that is, equal, more, or less) with the person with whom we are in conflict? Communication skills – Essential component People who have and use effective communication will resolve their conflicts with greater ease and success.

25. Perceptions: – We hear, see, taste, or feel stimuli by means of our senses. It enables us to construct, interpret, and make conclusions about information we receive, rather than simply to record "reality." – Perception is a process of making inferences. Through inferences we construct our own version of reality. However, our version of reality may be distorted by our past experiences, education, cultural values, and role requirements (Heuer 1999).

27. An old woman or a young woman?

28. A vase or 2 faces?

29. A duck or a rabbit?

30. A seal or a donkey?

32. Which is longer?

33. (1)What you say (15%) & (2)How you say it! (85%)

34. What is an I Message??? Why use an I Message??? Example format: I feel ____________ because _____________, and I’d like ____________________. I feel ____________ when _________, and I needed to tell you that.

35. Robbery Report Activity Need 3 volunteers!

36. The Four Rules of Active Listening 1. Seek to understand before you seek to be understood. 2. Be non judgmental 3. Give your undivided attention to the speaker 4. Use silence & non-verbals effectively

37. How to be a GOOD LISTENER… Listen as if you were in the other person’s place. This will help you better understand what the person is saying and how he/she feels.

38. Do not interrupt, offer advice or give suggestions. Do not begin to talk about problems you have or bring up similar experiences of your own.

39. Active Listening Techniques STATEMENT TYPES PURPOSETO DO THISEXAMPLES Encouraging To convey interest To encourage the other person to keep talking. -Don’t agree or disagree. -Use Neutral words. -Use varying voice intonations “Can you tell me more?” “I wonder if…” “Please continue…” Clarifying To help you clarify what is said. To get more information. To help speaker see other points of view. -Ask questions -Restate wrong interpretation to encourage speaker to explain further. “When did this happen?” “What I hear you saying…” “What did the other person say?”

40. STATEMENT TYPE PURPOSETO DO THISEXAMPLES Restating Shows you are listening and understanding. To check your meaning and interpretation - Restate basic ideas, facts. “So, you would like your parents to trust you more, Is that right?” “Could this be what’s going on, you…” Reflecting To show that you understand how the person feels. To help the person evaluate his/her own feelings after hearing them expressed by someone else. - Reflect the speaker’s basic feelings. “You seem very upset.” “Perhaps you’re feeling sad.” “You sound angry.” Summarizing Reviews Progress Pull together important ideas and facts To establish a basis for further discussion. - Restate major ideas expressed including feelings “Let me see if I understand you…” “These seem to be the key ideas you have expressed…”

41. Communication Leads What I hear you saying… You believe… As you see it… It seems to you… From your point of view… You feel… From where you stand… I’m picking up that you…

42. Still having problems understanding… Try one of these phrases! Could it be that…. I’m not sure if I’m with you, but… I wonder if… Let me see if I understand, you… This is what I think I hear you are saying… Correct me if I am wrong, but…

43. LET’S PRACTICE LISTENING

44. Signs that a student may becoming upset…. Toe Tapping Finger Tapping Hair Pulling or Twirling Squirming in seat Tone of Voice Changes Standing instead of Sitting Clenching Fist Speed of Talking Changes Sarcasm Refusal

45. Mediators Responses: Provide support through listening. Conduct a visual check of safety risks. Model coping strategies. Use tone control. Remind of Ground Rules.

46. Signs of Verbal Acting Out Name Calling Intimidating Threatening Demanding

47. Mediator Responses: Provide firm and immediate limit setting. For Example, “John, one of the rules of mediation is no name calling or put downs. We need your agreement to stop name calling before we can continue.” When tensions are high or the risk of physical acting out is increased, you may call a time out.

48. Signs of Physical Acting Out Hitting Kicking Pulling Clawing Biting Grabbing Throwing any object that is intended to harm another individual.

49. Mediator Responses: Do not attempt to pull disputants apart. Personal Safety Conflict Mediators NEVER get involved in a physical conflict. Mediators always get help from an adult.

50. Peer Mediation Stages

51. Stage I: Introduction & Ground Rules Introductions are made Explain mediation is to help solve their conflict and reach an agreement. Confidentiality and Neutrality explained – Mediators do NOT take sides, judge, or blame; explain confidentiality and the limits (will tell adult in cases of drugs, weapons, or abuse) Get VERBAL yes/no to ground rules 1. Be willing to work hard & find solutions to the problem 2. Agree to Listen: No Interruptions 3. Respect each other – no put downs, insults, threats, violence Any Questions?

52. Stage II: Getting the Story Mediators ask one disputant to: “Please tell your side of the story.” – mediators use active listening skills- good eye contact, acknowledge, open-ended questions – Paraphrase and use clarifying questions and responses – Ask them how this made them feel (they need to identify a feeling…can use chart) and then have the student rate their feeling on a scale of 1-10. Ask if they desire to change that through mediation. Mediator summarizes and reflects first disputant’s story & thanks Mediator repeats this process for disputant #2 Define the problem objectively

53. 1.What is the nature of the conflict, that is, what is the conflict about? 2. What might motivate the parties involved to resolve the conflict? 3. What conflict modes are your peers using? Questions to explore how well you understand the presenting problem

54. Stage III: Path to Solutions Ask disputants: – What qualities do you have that will help make this mediation process successful? You are searching for positive qualities that will assist in the conflict resolution process. – Ask if they have ever experienced this problem in the past and resolved it positively? – What small steps are each student willing to take to resolve this problem? Each student comes up with ideas.

55. Stage IV: Choosing the Solution Brainstorm possible solutions: Explain that each person will come up with solutions to solve the problem that meets the needs of BOTH students Alternate asking each person for solutions Write down ALL solutions Ask each student to pick a solution that works for each one and to AGREE to ACCEPT the solution.

56. Stage V: Closing the Session Summarize the agreement/solution Write down the agreement/solution on contract Have both parties sign the contract & mediators sign too. Inform disputants if friends ask to tell them the conflict is simply resolved …… Remind students about CONFIDENTIALITY! Ask disputants to scale their feeling(s) on a scale of 1- 10 Congratulate both parties for a successful mediation & shake hands Complete the report form to turn into your school counselor!

58. CONGRATULATIONS SOUTHPORT PEER MEDIATORS!