1. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Chapter 8 Interpersonal Communication

2. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Interpersonal Communication, continued Interpersonal communication is “an interactional process in which one person sends a message to another.” – It involves at least two people – It is a process involving a series of actions – It is not “one-way”, but bi-directional

3. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Communication and Adjustment Effective communication is essential for many important aspects of life. Good communication enhances satisfaction in relationships. Poor communication is a major cause of relationship break-ups.

4. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Nonverbal Communication, continued Nonverbal communication – “is the transmission of meaning from one person to another through means or symbols other than words." A great deal of information is conveyed in this manner, so it is important to recognize the general principles of nonverbal communication.

5. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Nonverbal Communication, continued General principles of nonverbal communication 1.It conveys emotions: facial expressions and body posture can convey how we feel without words. 2.It is multichanneled: we use facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, vocal tone, and body language. 3.It is ambiguous: body language can be difficult to interpret. 4.It may contradict verbal messages: we may say one thing, but our body conveys something different. 5.It is culture-bound: nonverbal signals vary from one culture to another.

6. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Elements of Nonverbal Communication 1.Personal space Proxemics - “the study of personal space” Personal space – “a zone of space surrounding a person that is felt to ‘belong’ to that person” Preference for amount of personal space depends on –Culture (see Figure 8.4) –Status of the individuals involved –How well you know the person

8. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Elements, continued 2.Facial expression Facial expressions convey basic emotions (see Figure 8.5), recognized by people around the world. –Anxiety may be a 7 th distinct facial expression (see Figure 8.6). –It occurs in ambiguous situations where perceived threats are unclear.

9. Source: Photos courtesy of Paul Ekman, Ph.D./Paul Ekman Group, LLC

10. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Elements, continued 3.Eye contact Duration of eye contact is the most meaningful aspect of this channel of nonverbal communication. Among European Americans, high levels of eye contact are associated with effective social skills and credibility. However, eye contact is judged as offensive by other cultures (e.g., Native American tribes).

11. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Elements, continued Eye contact, continued Eye contact also conveys intensity of feelings. –In a positive context (e.g., romantic partners), long gazes signal loving feelings, but –In a negative context (e.g., road rage), long gazes are interpreted as stares, and they make people uncomfortable Finally, eye contact is affected by status and gender (see Figure 8.7).

13. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Elements, continued 4.Body language Kinesics – “the study of communication through body movements." –An “open” posture (e.g., arms uncrossed and down at sides) conveys a relaxed state. –A “closed” posture (arms crossed) conveys defensiveness or tension. –Finally, hand gestures emphasize the words we speak.

15. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Elements, continued 5.Touch Where and whom we touch conveys a variety of meanings, especially status and power. –There are strong norms that govern where we touch friends. –Female-female pairs touch more often than do male-male pairs. –Cross-gender touch is interpreted as support by females, but as power or sexual interest by males.

16. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Elements, continued 6.Paralanguage Paralanguage – “includes all vocal cues other than the content of the verbal message itself” –Variations in vocal emphasis can give different meanings to the same words. –Variations in speech also convey emotions (e.g., rapid speech indicates anxiety or excitement).

17. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Elements, continued Detecting deception Nonverbal cues that actually indicate deception are often different from those most people believe indicate deception (see Figure 8.11). For example: –Liars often say less, not more –Liars are not necessarily good “storytellers” and include less unusual content in stories –Liars are more tense and make a more negative impression on the listener

18. based on a research review by DePaulo, Stone, and Lassiter (1985

19. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved The Significance of Nonverbal Communication Nonverbal sensitivity – “the ability to accurately encode (express) and decode (understand) nonverbal cues” Woman tend to be better encoders and decoders. However, this may stem from higher motivation. Thus, anyone can improve their nonverbal skills.

20. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved More Effective Communication, continued Conversation skills: five steps for making successful “small talk” 1.Indicate you are open to conversation by commenting on your surroundings 2.Introduce yourself 3.Select a topic others can relate to 4.Keep the conversation ball rolling 5.Make a smooth exit

21. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved More Effective Communication, continued Self-disclosure – “the act of sharing information about yourself with another person” is important to adjustment for several reasons. 1.Sharing problems with others plays a key role in mental health. 2.Self-disclosure helps build relationships. 3.Emotional self-disclosures lead to feelings of closeness. 4.Self-disclosure in romantic relationships is associated with relationship satisfaction.

22. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved More Effective Communication, continued Self-disclosure, continued What People Tell and Don’t Tell Others About Themselves – People DO recount stories about themselves. – People are NOT likely to disclose social transgressions to others.

23. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved More Effective Communication, continued Self-disclosure, continued Self-disclosure and relationship development – Self-disclosure varies over the course of relationships. o At the beginning, there are high levels of mutual self-disclosure, which taper off as the relationship becomes established. o In established relationships, disclosures are not necessarily reciprocated.

24. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved More Effective Communication, continued Relationship development, continued Movement away from reciprocal self-disclosures in established relationships occurs for two reasons: – There is more of a need for support than a reciprocal disclosure from the other person. – The need for privacy outweighs the need for mutual self-disclosure.

25. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved More Effective Communication, continued Self-disclosure, continued Culture, gender, and self-disclosure – Personal self-disclosures occur more in individualistic cultures, whereas disclosures about one’s group membership are the norm in collectivist cultures. – Females tend to disclose more than do males, and this trend is strongest within same-gender friendships.

26. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved More Effective Communication, continued Tips for effective listening 1.Signal your interest in the speaker by using nonverbal cues Face the speaker squarely Lean toward him or her Try not to cross arms and legs Maintain eye contact 2.Hear the other person out before you respond 3.Engage in “active listening” by – Asking for clarification if information is ambiguous – Paraphrasing what the person said by restating the speaker’s main points to ensure you have interpreted correctly 4.Pay attention to the other’s nonverbal cues

27. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Communication Problems, continued Communication apprehension – “or anxiety caused by having to talk with others” is usually followed by one of four responses: 1.Avoidance – choosing not to participate 2.Withdrawal – “clamming up” in conversation you cannot escape 3.Disruption – the inability to make fluent statements 4.Overcommunication – (e.g., nervous speech)

28. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Communication Problems, continued Barriers to effective communication 1.Defensiveness – “excessive concern with protecting oneself from being hurt” 2.Ambushing – listening carefully only to then verbally attack the speaker 3.Motivational distortion – hearing what you want to hear 4.Self-preoccupation – being so self-absorbed the other person cannot equally participate

29. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Interpersonal Conflict, continued Beliefs about conflict – Most people believe any kind of conflict is bad. – However, avoiding conflict is usually counterproductive and leads to a self- perpetuating cycle (see Figure 8.14). – It is better to confront conflicts constructively so that issues can be aired and resolved.

30. Adapted from Lulofs, 1994

31. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Interpersonal Conflict, continued Styles of managing conflict – Two dimensions (concern for self and concern for others) underlie five distinct patterns of managing conflict (see Figure 8.16). 1.Avoiding/withdrawing (low concern for self and others) 2.Accommodating (low concern for self, high concern for others) 3.Competing/forcing (high concern for self, low concern for others) 4.Compromising (moderate concern for self and others) 5.Collaborating (high concern for self and others) –While compromising simply involves “splitting the difference”, collaborating involves finding a solution that is maximally satisfying to both parties.

33. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Interpersonal Conflict, continued Dealing constructively with conflict – Make communication honest and open – Exhibit Trust – Use specific behavior to describe another person’s annoying habits rather than general statements about their personality – Avoid “loaded” words – Try using “grace” – honoring others’ needs – Use a positive approach and help the other person “save face” – Limit complaints to recent behavior and to the current situation – Assume responsibility for your own feelings and preferences – Try to use an assertive communication style

34. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Developing an Assertive Style, continued The nature of assertiveness – Assertiveness – “involves acting in your own best interests by expressing your thoughts and feelings directly and honestly” – In contrast, submissive communication involves “giving in” to others o Individuals who use this style report feeling bad about being “pushovers” – Aggressive communication is different from assertiveness and “focuses on saying and getting what you want at the expense of others." – Assertive communication is more adaptive than either submissive or aggressive communication, and is a skill that can be learned through assertiveness training.

35. ©2015 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved Developing an Assertive Style, continued Steps in assertiveness training: 1.Understand what assertive communication is. Don’t forget about nonverbal cues. 2.Monitor your assertive communication. Identify when you are not assertive, find out who intimidates you, on what topics, and in which situations. 3.Observe a model’s assertive communication. 4.Practice assertive communication by using Covert rehearsal – imagine using assertiveness in a situation that requires it. Role playing – ask a friend to play the role of an antagonist so you can practice. 5.Adopt an assertive attitude.