2. Intro: Teenage Love Story

3. Dating & Mate Selection

4. Why Do We Date?  Socialization –To develop appropriate social skills to practice getting along with others in different settings.  Recreation –To have fun and enjoy the companionship of others, and to try new and different activities.  Mate Selection –To see others in many different settings, to compare the personality and characteristics of many people.

5. Theories of mate selection…  Theory of Propinquity  Exchange Theory  Complimentary Needs Theory  Time and Place Theory (Happy Collision)  Filter Theory

6. Theory of Propinquity  We marry people we know. If you only know people from school, work, church, college, etc., that is who you will marry.

7. Exchange Theory  We evaluate our worth and find someone of similar worth. –We find people for us with similarities to us (looks for looks, money for money, etc.) –People will exchange or barter to make up in areas (i.e. my looks for your money). –This is why it is not uncommon to see people getting married that look like brother or sister.

8. Complimentary Needs Theory  We find people that compliment our needs. –Dominant people find submissive people. –A nurturing person finds someone who wants to be mothered.

9. Time and Place Theory (Happy Collision)  Fate… we marry the person we are supposed to when the time is right. –This theory suggests that we could have married many of the people that we dated but the timing wasn’t right. –This is against societies expectations that there are times in our life when we should get married because that is the next step: after college, after establishing our career, when returning from military service, etc.

10. More on the Happy Collision  People generally marry about 4 years after they begin to date on a regular basis.  This theory also states you will marry someone within the geographical area that you live (long distance relationships require more time and money).  Average ages for marriage are: –US (2009) Men-28.5 Women- 26.5 –Wisconsin (1960) Men – 22 Women – 20 –Wisconsin (2008) Men – 27 Women - 25

11. Filter Theory  We filter out people that don’t meet our criteria (color of hair, height, age, etc.)  The three types of filters are: –Biological (Looks) –Social (Social Class) –Psychological (Personality)

12. Biological Filters  Most people choose the opposite gender.  We choose someone close to our age (most 22 year old men are not looking for a 54 year old woman).  We can rule out our relatives…  Physical features are usually similar to ours, ie. Body type, weight, height, etc.

13. Social Filters  We often marry within our same social class or income level.  There is an increased chance of marriage success when we stay in our own class.  Race is the least- likely line to be crossed in mate selection.  Most people marry within their own religion.  We try to find someone of similar intelligence and education.

14. Psychological Filters  Based on conscious and unconscious needs of people.  These needs are based on childhood experiences.  People will often marry someone similar to their opposite sex parent.

15. Other considerations…  You need to determine if your personalities go well together and here are some aspects you should consider: –Amount of personal space needed. –Seriousness or lightness of personality. –Gender-role compatibility. –Interests and hobbies. –Desire for achievement. –Are they picky, meticulous, detailed, sloppy, etc.?

16. The BIG Questions  Does this person make you a better person?  Would you rather be with this person than any other person in the world?  Could you spend the rest of your life with this person?  Could you spend the rest of your life without this person?

17. There are no gray areas when answering those questions… if you have doubts, you need to look at the relationship very seriously.

18. Assignment  Create a “Want Ad” for the type of person you would like to date.

19. Problems in Dating  Power is not usually a problem in dating but gender roles are.  Who pays?  Who decides?  Communication  Shyness  Sexual pressure

20. How can dating be misleading as it relates to mate selection?  The First Date The First Date

21. Love vs. Infatuation  Love waits. Infatuation takes. Love cares. Infatuation dares. Love sympathizes. Infatuation criticizes. Love chooses. Infatuation uses. Love communicates. Infatuation manipulates. Love understands. Infatuation demands. Love is kind. Infatuation is blind.  Love Lesson – Kids Love Lesson – Kids  Love vs. Lust Love vs. Lust  Love appreciates. Infatuation intimidates. Love accepts. Infatuation rejects. Love is given. Infatuation is driven. Love tries. Infatuation lies. Love talks. Infatuation walks. Love hears. Infatuation fears. Love has eyes. Infatuation denies. Love adores. Infatuation keeps score. Love is cool. Infatuation drools.

22. What is love?  Bulletin Board Activity  Bowl of Milk  Love is like a Fairy Tale…or is it?  Cinderella Cinderella  True Tales True Tales  Appointment with Love Appointment with Love  Ladder of Love

23. Bowl of Milk Media: Red Parents: Blue Church: Yellow Friends: Green Bowl of Milk

24. Ladder of Love – Where do you think they belong on the ladder?  SELF LOVE  LOVE FOR SECONDARY CAREGIVER  FIRST LOVE OUTSIDE THE FAMILY  LOVE OF OTHER RELATIVES  LOVE FOR SAME SEX FRIEND  LOVE FOR CHILDREN  MATURE LOVE FOR OTHERS  LOVE FOR SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX, BUT OLDER  LOVE FOR ANOTHER PERSON  LOVE FOR PRIMARY CAREGIVER

25. Types of Love  Romantic Love –Puppy Love  Sexual Love –The intimate expression of love.  Pragmatic Love –A rational, reasoning kind of love.  Platonic Love –Intimate and affectionate but not sexual.  Companionship Love –A love typically found in good friendships.  Altruistic Love –Selfless love or concern for the spouse.  Manic Love –A crazy, possessive, jealous kind of love.  Self-Love –An egotistic, narcissistic kind of love.