2. On Utilitarianism More People More Happy More Better

3. What is the best system of human organization? Democracy Democracy? Nah, it’s too easy to oppress the minority through the whims of the majority. Communism Communism? Well, it SOUNDS good, but it restricts freedom in a way that is antithetical to human nature. Plus, ‘Murica! Godzillocracy Godzillocracy? RAAARRRRRRRR! MONSTER SMASH!!!!! So…. No. Not Godzillocracy.

4. How about Utilitarianism? Er…. Derp?

5. Right! Utilitarianism! As proposed by British philosopher Jeremy Bentham, the doctrine that an action is right insofar as it promotes happiness, and that the greatest happiness of the greatest number should be the guiding principle of conduct.

6. Go on… I’m listening… Utilitarianism is mainly characterized by two elements: happiness and consequentialism. Utilitarian happiness is the biggest happiness which (supposedly) every human being looks for. In utilitarianism everything useful to happiness is good. Therefore, the name of the doctrine is utilitarianism, based on the principle of utility. “See my fancy hat? Oh, tra la la! This hat is the biggest happiness hat!”

7. What is utility again? Utility is found in every thing which contributes to the happiness of every rational being. The criterion of good and evil is balanced between individual's happiness and the happiness of the community, "each counting in an equal way" Livin’ the dream, baby…

8. Didn’t you say something about consequentialism? Consequentialism in utilitarianism is in the fact that an action must be judged for its consequences on the happiness of the largest number. That is: my search for happiness stops when it decreases the happiness of another individual or the happiness of the largest number, of the society or the community. As personal freedom is considered in respect of the freedom of other individuals and of the community, my freedom stops when it diminishes the freedom of another individual or the well- being of the society. Little Miss Whoops was allowed to perform genetic experiments on the prisoners. The results were… disturbing…

9. So… what is happiness? According to Aristotle, happiness is the "highest good attainable by action, “which means…. Actually, that kind of seems like circular reasoning. According to Epicurus, “happiness is just pleasure and absence of pain.” The value (or disvalue) of a pleasure (or pain) depends only on its intensity and duration, and can (at least in principle) be quantified precisely.

10. Wait, wait, wait… you can quantify pleasures? Well, why not? Bentham thought it was a simple matter of mathematics. Courses of action should be chosen based on their consequences in terms of the pleasure and pain experienced by all involved. Everyone counts for one, and no one counts for more than one… not even you, Donald Trump. “Bentham, eh? Sounds like an illegal!”

11. Go on… All pleasures are on the same level, and, in Bentham’s famous words, “all quantity of pleasure being equal, pushpin (duck pin bowling) is as good as poetry.” The value of justice reduces to its greatest utility over injustice. Punishment, for example, is only just or unjust in terms of its consequences as a deterrent to future crimes. Thus, Bentham quantified pleasures and pains according to these factors: how near or far, how long-lasting, how intense, how likely to cause pleasure or pain of the same kind, and how many are affected. He called this his hedonic calculus.

12. Did people actually agree with this? Some people did! John Stuart Mill, for instance, liked it enough to refine Bentham’s ideas. He felt that Bentham focused too much on pleasure and not enough on happiness. For Mill, there were low pleasures (immediate physical gratification) and higher pleasures (art, literature, friendship) that required delayed gratification. Mill was friends with a woman for 20 years before marrying her (of course, she was already married to someone else…).

13. Overall, the point of utilitarianism is to do the most good for the most people. There will be some sacrifice and some inhibition of pleasure, happiness, and freedom. But its basic premise– that all humans are valuable and deserve happiness– remains with us to this day, until…..