1. Dealing with Parents Partnering with parents for greater success on and off the field

2. Types of Sports Parents There are several types of the sport parent species. Lets take a look at some of the main ones you will be dealing with

3. The “Ghost” Parent This is the parent that is rarely ever around They will not be seen at practices or games. They may make an appearance at Senior night They will pay their registration fee on time and usually their child will be there at most practices and games The problem they can also never be counted on for team activities such as fundraisers, teambuilding activities, etc. This parent creates resentment from the other parents because they usually don’t carry their weight in the program. They don’t show up for concession stand duty, etc.

4. The “Coach” Parent This parent can be very helpful to you if they agree with your coaching style If something goes wrong with the team however you will see them voicing their opinion of how it should have been done They have a tendency to undermine your decision making during games Parents that are not happy will often times run to them for support They will often times coach their child at home and you will see their influence reflected on their child the following day at practice If they are a travel coach, often times they will be outspoken of how travel ball is better thank high school sports

5. The “Competitive” Parent They place winning above everything. Win at all cost mentality The competitive parent can’t always understand when someone doesn’t have the same drive as they do to win The competitive parent may talk to the coach about things he or she thinks should be done so the team can win. The competitive parent will often try to offer the coach resources, advice and connections to other trainers in order to give the team an advantage This parent is usually not harmful unless their competitive nature spills on to the field or stands This parent is the one usually yelling at officials during games

6. The ‘living through your kids’ parent These are the parents who when they see an athletic bone in their kids body wants them to go to high levels in the sport These parents can get carried away and put too much pressure on their kid They can get upset with their children if they don’t put in the same kind of effort they were expected to put in to achieve a high level of success. The child will often feel as if they are living in their parents shadows particularly if their parent was a professional athlete Many of them are trying to realize dreams that didn’t come true for themselves and their sporting career, and pushing their children because of the desire to see them succeed where the parent has failed.

7. The “Critical” Parent This is the parent that even when the team scores a touchdown they will criticize the play that was called The critical parent may be critical of other players, other parents, officials and coaches. This is never good and can cause tremendous friction between different areas of your team. This parent is often critical of their own child’s performance and it later reflects on the kids ability to play The critical parent is where we start to draw the danger line. Once you get into the area where the behavior itself is a destructive one it permeates the entire team and can be a cancer. The critical parent must be dealt with quickly or it can ruin the season

8. The “John Deere” Parent This is the parent that wants to make his way in the dugout or sidelines by any means necessary They will volunteer to drive the bus, bring snacks, and keep the stats They will offer to cut the field and get it ready for game day Usually everything is fine with this parent until their child ends up on the bench This parent will help and serve your program so long as their child is playing, when he is not this parent joins the “ghost parent” or “critical parent” category

9. The “Most Valuable” Parent The model parent is the one who understands the big picture of athletics in the life of their child They view the coach as part of a link in helping their child develop into a solid young adult They are supportive of the coaching decision even when they do not agree They offer their resources to help the team They are usually ambassadors for you and are able to turn a negative parent to a positive parent They are always filling the gaps when there are needs They volunteer first and often when there are projects involving the team

10. FOUR MAIN AREAS OF CONFLICT BETWEEN PARENT AND COACH

11. Four Main Areas of Conflict with Parents Playing Time Skills being taught Coaching style Competitive level of play

12. Playing time Have clear guidelines and expectations of your playing time philosophy. Playing time philosophy may vary from level to level and sport to sport Athletic program should have a handbook that outlines playing time philosophy Be consistent

13. Skills being taught Parents may say you are too basic Stay on top of new drills, be creative but always teach the fundamentals of the sport

14. Coaching Style Laid back or very intense Each child is different and will respond to both styles completely different Being somewhere in the middle will usually appeal to most of the kids in your program Players and parents must see that you care about them over your coaching style Take time to know your kids and their personalities

15. Level of Play Do you coach to win every game or do you coach to have everyone play Some parents will want to win all the time Other parents are content with their child having a fun experience Balancing the two mind sets is a challenge

16. PROACTIVE WAYS IN DEALING WITH PARENTS Dealing with parents

17. Communicate Proactively and Respond

18. Communicating Proactively Informational Meeting Tryout- Player Meeting (Evaluation) one on one Pre-Season Parent Meeting General Parent Email List Team Facebook Page (check with your school) Twitter Phone and Text

19. Informational Meeting This is an interest meeting with players usually two weeks before the actual tryouts Meet with players and hand a form with what they need to bring to tryouts, times, dates, duration,etc. Collect information from players, email address, phone numbers, etc. Send email to parents letting them know that their child attended an informational meeting to make sure they are ok with them attending

20. Tryout Evaluations Meet with player and coaching staff to discuss results of tryouts. If they are getting cut, let them know what they need to work on suggestions for next season. If they are making the team, share the role you envision for them on the team. Ask them if they are on board with the role discussed.

21. Pre-Season Parent Meeting Should be a mandatory meeting Ask parents to introduce themselves in the meeting Gather contact information again from each parent, often there multiple emails or divorced families Explain various forms of communication that you as a coach have. Email, Facebook, twitter, etc. Explain procedures of how to discuss concerns with you about their child’s participation on the team Outline coaching philosophy, team goals, expectations Take this time to go over team rules and parental expectations Sign up parents for concession stand and gate duty

22. Email and Social Media At the beginning of each week send out an email with information for the week ahead. Include directions for away games, bus departures, practice times and any changes. Use Facebook to communicate positive stories about team events, fundraisers, mission trips, signings, etc

23. Phone and Text Make it a habit to call or text parents about positive things that their child may have done at practice or in school Call or text if you notice their child having a difficult day at school. This will show your concern for them.

24. Respond Respond accordingly to a difficult situation

25. Stay Calm Acknowledge the parent but explain to them that you have the team to meet with After you have dismissed your team come back to find parent and bring an assistant If it is a simple answer to a concern and could be answered there do it, if it is too involved emotionally ask the parent to schedule a time to see you in the next 48 hours.

26. “Cooling off” period Allow 24-48 hours to go by before meeting again. This will allow you to prepare for the meeting and have a response It will also allow for the parent to clam down and put things in perspective

27. No “Lone Ranger” When you meet with the parent I would highly recommend that you have an assistant coach present The extra person will be able to take notes, keep meeting back on track and if things get out of control stabilize the room Be prepared with stats, game information or any other info that they help you discuss playing time issues, coaching styles, etc.

28. Be a Listener Ask parents to share their concerns Sometimes parents just need to vent Allow the parents as much time as they need to share concerns Listen attentively to their concerns Do not interrupt the parent even if you disagree but allow for them to express their point Try to avoid making facial gestures or shaking your head “NO” while they are talking this will only exasperate the situation

29. Respond When the parents are finished talking, then you can give your response. Talk calmly and answer their questions point by point. Stick to only the issues that were raised, not going off on a tangent about another subject. If a valid point has been raised, agree with the parent and admit you need to work on the situation. But don’t compromise your principles. If you are doing what is in the best interest of all the players, don’t change everything to please one parent. Allowing one player to get away with something or allowing a player to follow their own rules will cause dissention between the other parents and the other players as well.