1. True or False? It is possible to listen without hearing. It is possible to hear without listening.

2. Communication Climates in Interpersonal Relationships The emotional tone of a relationship. A communication climate is determined by the degree to which people see themselves as valued.

3. Conflict & Mediation The role of dialogue and conflict styles

4. 10 reasons for poor listening Effort – its hard to stay focused Message overload – too much at once Rapid thought – 600 wpm vs 140 wpm Psychological noise – personal concerns Physical noise – distractions (fatigue) Hearing problems – frustration Faulty Assumptions - “heard it all before” Talking has more advantages = > who interrupts more? Cultural Differences Media influences – MTV, sound bytes, radio, TV

5. LISTENING What do good listeners look like? Verbally Nonverbally Listening is not a natural process. Listening requires effort (active not passive) All listeners do not receive the same message. We hear uniquely different messages Physiological factors, social roles, cultural background, personal interests, and needs.

6. Listening Stages Attending – paying attention. Mindfulness. Understanding/Interpreting Assigning meaning to messages PRINCIPLE: The greater the similarity between individuals, the greater the likelihood for more accurate understanding. PRINCIPLE: People understand best if they can relate what they are hearing to something they already know.

7. Listening Stages … continued PRINCIPLE: You understand best that which you also experience. Responding: Giving observable feedback to speaker Clarifying a message Care about what the speaker says Confirming understanding of a message Nonverbal responses Feedback – verbal responses Remembering

8. FAULTY LISTENING Yes you can go to the concert, but I want you to call me when you get there, and I want you to take out the trash before you go, and you need to be home before 11:00 p.m. I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. I heard you. I heard you say that you want me home by 11:00 p.m. I heard what you said. Here we go again with the trash! Uh huh. I heard exactly what you said.

9. Four Personal Listening Styles CONTENT ORIENTED: Focus on issues and arguments PEOPLE ORIENTED: Focus on feelings and emotions ACTION ORIENTED: Impatient and often finish speakers’ thoughts – tend to second guess TIME ORIENTED: Prefer bulleted talking points quickly and briefly.

11. LISTENING STRATEGIES Informational Critically Emphatic

12. INFORMATIONAL LISTENING  Don’t argue or judge prematurely  Separate the message from the speaker  Be opportunistic

13. INFORMATIONAL LISTENING  Look for key ideas  Ask questions  Sincere questions  Counterfeit questions

14. INFORMATIONAL LISTENING  Counterfeit questions  make statements  carry hidden agendas

15. INFORMATIONAL LISTENING  Counterfeit questions  seek “correct” answers  based on unchecked assumptions

16. INFORMATIONAL LISTENING  Paraphrase  Take notes  Don’t wait too long before beginning to jot down ideas  Record only key ideas  Develop a note-taking format

17. CRITICAL LISTENING  Listen for information before evaluating  Evaluate the speaker’s credibility  Is the speaker competent?  Is the speaker impartial?

18. CRITICAL LISTENING  Examine speaker’s evidence  Examine emotional appeals  Is the evidence recent enough?  Is enough evidence presented?

19. CRITICAL LISTENING  Examine emotional appeals  Is the evidence from a reliable source?  Can the evidence be interpreted in more than one way?

20. EMPATHIC LISTENING  Advising  Be confident that the advice is correct  Ask yourself whether the person seeking your advice seems willing to accept it

21. EMPATHIC LISTENING  Advising  Be certain that the receiver won’t blame you if the advice doesn’t work out

22. EMPATHIC LISTENING  Judging  The person with the problem should have requested an evaluation from you  Your judgment is genuinely constructive and not designed to be a put-down

23. EMPATHIC LISTENING  Analyzing  Offer your interpretation in a tentative way rather than as absolute fact  Your analysis ought to have a reasonable chance of being correct

24. EMPATHIC LISTENING  Analyzing  You ought to be sure that the other person will be receptive to your analysis  Be sure that your motive for offering an analysis is truly to help the other person

25. EMPATHIC LISTENING  Questioning  Don’t ask questions just to satisfy your own curiosity  Be sure your questions won’t confuse or distract the person you’re trying to help

26. EMPATHIC LISTENING  Questioning  Don’t use questions to disguise your suggestions or criticisms

27. EMPATHIC LISTENING  Supporting  Make sure your expression of support is sincere  Be sure the other person can accept your support

28. EMPATHIC LISTENING  Prompting  involves using silences and brief statements of encouragement to draw others out, and in so doing, helping them solve their own problems

29. EMPATHIC LISTENING  Paraphrasing  Is the problem complex enough?  Do you have the necessary time and concern?  Are you genuinely interested in helping the other person?

30. EMPATHIC LISTENING  Paraphrasing  Can you withhold judgment?  Is your paraphrasing in proportion to other responses?

31. EMPATHIC LISTENING  When and How to Help  Think about the situation  Think about the other person  Think about yourself

32. about seeking first to understand It’s really