1. April 12, 2013 Melissa J. Emerson Conflict Resolution & Student Conduct Services Colorado State University

2.  What is your conflict style?

3. Conflict Styles Avoidance Competition Collaboration Compromise Accommodation http://www.consciouschange.ort/Community/5-StylesofConflict.htm The Conflict Resolution Training Program: Leader’s Manual; Kestner & Ray

4.  Draw a…

5. When conflict gets ugly...

6.  Exhibit #1: Emailing Professor

7. Exhibit #2: Roommate Post-Its Post-It Note Communication: “According to Facebook, we are having a party this Friday. Thanks for letting me know.” “Rent is due on the first, not whenever you feel like paying it.” Does the guy sleeping on our couch have a name? “Can we please keep the heat on tonight? If not, I’m pretty sure we will need to go ice fishing for Goldie.” “Do we have a dog now?”

8. Exhibit #3

9. Exhibit #4: Employer Dispute Staff: The break room needs to be cleaned by 5 pm tomorrow (Thursday). If not, everyone will be going on verbal warning. If you are already on verbal warning, you will be on written warning. You are all adults here and therefore you should take responsibility for cleaning up your space.

10.  Exhibit 5: Reporter Conflict http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-a5B6xM5s4&feature=youtu.be

11.  Lessons Learned: Escalation Avoidance Inappropriate Humor Text/EmailThreats Adding players

12.  Strategies  Active Listening  Asking the right questions  Position vs. Interests  Reframe  Generate Solutions

13. Active Listening

14.   Asking open-ended questions  Requires more than a “yes” or a “no.”  Examples:  Tell me about the situation.  What do you think created this problem?  How has this situation impacted you? Eliciting Information

15.   Positions are statements, demands, and wants; what someone thinks should happen  I deserved an A in that class, not a B.”  If you don’t change my grade to an A, I am complaining to the Dean.”  Interests are desires and concerns; why does the person want/need something?  “I feel I worked harder than my teammates who got the same grade.”  “I’m concerned I will lose my scholarship if I don’t receive an A.” Positions vs. Interests

16.   Restating what the speaker has said in order to capture the essence while removing negative overtones/words and to translate a positional statement into a statement of interests or needs. Reframing

17. 17 Reframing Examples Comment: “He’s so lazy. He never cleans up his desk.” Response: “It is really important for you to have a tidy workspace.” Comment : “I’ve never met someone as nosy as her. She is constantly butting into my business.” Response: “ There are times when you’d like a certain level of privacy.” Comment: “ My boss is a complete micromanager.” Response: “ You would like more autonomy in your job.” Comment: “He’s so lazy. He never cleans up his desk.” Response: “It is really important for you to have a tidy workspace.” Comment : “I’ve never met someone as nosy as her. She is constantly butting into my business.” Response: “ There are times when you’d like a certain level of privacy.” Comment: “ My boss is a complete micromanager.” Response: “ You would like more autonomy in your job.”

18.  Generating Solutions  Where to start?  Highlight common ground  Start with the easiest issue first  BATNA/WATNA

19.  Avoid “you” attacks Don’t back people into a corner More is not merrier Time can help; avoidance hurts Final Considerations:

20. “People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they do not know each other; they don’t know each other because they have not communicated with each other.” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.