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CONFLICT RESOLUTION Why do we have conflicts? Has anyone witnessed a conflict being resolved?
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CONFLICT Conflict – A state of disagreement or disharmony. Interpersonal conflicts – Actions by one person that interfere in some way with the actions of another. Conflict resolution – Negotiations to remedy the conflict. Key Ideas: A major step is to learn new communication tools Become a better listener Recognize, respect, and accept that everyone does not share the same viewpoint or perception. Know what you want, not what you don’t want. Try a new approach if your current one is not working. Find areas of agreement- do not expect total conversion to your point of view. Be willing to take the first steps; stop the 3 Cs of condemning, criticizing, and complaining.
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CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLES Accommodating – Maintain the relationship at any cost. Appropriate when: you really don’t care about the issue. Inappropriate when: You are likely to harbor resentment or if this is used habitually in order to gain acceptance. (this leads to lack of self-respect and sometimes depression). Compromising – ‘a quick fix’ Appropriate when: Cooperation is important but time or resources are limited. When finding some solution, even less than the best is better than a complete stalemate. When efforts to collaborate would seem like manipulation. Inappropriate when: Finding the most creative solution possible is essential. When you can’t live with the consequences.
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STYLES CONTINUED… Avoidance – Ignore the problem Appropriate when: The issue is trivial, the relationship is insignificant, or time is short and a decision is not necessary. Inappropriate when: You care about both the issue and the relationship. It is used habitually for most issues (leads to explosions or ‘freeze-out’). A residue of negative feelings is likely to linger (resentment). Others would benefit from caring confrontation. Forceful – The need to win the argument Appropriate when: An emergency looms. You’re sure that you are right and being right matters more than preserving relationships. The issue is trivial and others don’t really care what happens. Inappropriate when: Cooperation from others is important. Used routinely for most issues. Self-respect of others is reduced.
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STYLES CONTINUED… Collaborative – The idea is to defeat the problem. Appropriate when: Time and energy are available for discussion. The issues and relationship are both significant. Cooperation is most important. A creative outcome is important. Reasonable hope exists to meet all concern. Inappropriate when: Time is short, the issues are unimportant, you’re overloaded with ‘processing’ and/or the goals of the other person are wrong beyond doubt. Sometimes it is perfectly okay to agree to disagree if both parties are alright with that technique. Both parties are accepting and understanding the behavior/values of others.
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MEDIATION A process in which the disputants allow a neutral third person, the mediator, to help them develop a solution to the conflict. The mediator does not take sides or impose a solution on the disputants. A mediator helps the disputants reach a solution. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5p_11A9jmvU
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TYPES OF CONFLICT Situational conflict Brothers and sisters sharing bathrooms. Sharing clothing with a sibling. Dealing with a car accident. Intense but short-lived Dealt with and moved on. Examples?? Personality Differences One person’s habits may get on another person’s nerves. Small quirks build into major battles. Temperament differences Type A personality behaviors Vs. Type B personality behaviors Extroverts Vs. Introverts
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TYPES OF CONFLICT Family conflicts Common because of the intimate, ongoing nature of the relationships. Family members know each other so well that they notice nonverbal communications that strangers would be likely to miss. Conflict is more on the surface and less hidden in families. Family communication problems tend to have more serious and painful implications.
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TYPES OF CONFLICT Power Struggles Power struggles occur when issues are important on both sides and neither party is willing to back down. Power - The ability to influence another person. Parent Vs. Teenagers Control – The action of directing another person’s behavior. This desire for control may get in the way of a solution.
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OUTCOMES OF INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT Constructive People work to solve problems and reach a better understanding of each other. They are satisfied with the outcome and feel positively toward each other. Can open up issues and lead to deeper relationships, clarification and better understanding of that person. Focuses on the issue rather than the other person’s deficits. Destructive Direct verbal attacks on each other rather than the problem. Relationships are weakened. Consequences of this relationship being weakened can impact other aspects of your life.
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STEPS FOR RESOLVING CONFLICTS 1. Define the problem. What is the problem? What needs are not being met? Agree on what you are arguing about. “ The problem as I see it is…” People make assumptions about what others are thinking. When there is a conflict, they assume the worst about the other’s motives. Putting thoughts into words calms the discussion. 2. Set limits. Don’t bring up the past. Agree to only discuss the immediate issue. Make an effort to keep the argument from becoming personal.
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RESOLVING CONTINUED… 3. Negotiate Think of possible solutions, listen to the solutions the other person presents. The more suggestions the higher likelihood of agreement. This should lead to a compromise that works for both of you. 4. Compromise Means giving in on some points of disagreement and having your way on others. You give a little to get a little! Goal: win – win
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RESOLVING CONTINUED… 5. Get outside help If you cannot resolve the conflict constructively find a person who is not involved to help you settle on the argument. A mediator: Teacher, parent, friend, or peer whom you feel can be objective. 6. Follow up When you have resolved a conflict make sure the other person feels good about the solution after some time has passed. Checking in with each other from time to time can prevent future conflicts from occurring.
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LET US COMPROMISE Places Hershey park Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire Field of Screams Barnstormers game Meal Red Robin Subway Taco Bell Houllihans Olive Garden
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HOW TO AVOID CONFLICT A conflict that never develops is one that you do not have to worry about. Use effective communication techniques such as I-messages. Do not let others bother you. Recognize when someone is only looking for a reaction from you. Make sure the issue is worth quarreling over. Focus on the positive. When you focus on advantages, disadvantages can seem less bothersome. Change the subject. If you feel things get tense lead the conversation in a different, less emotional direction. Watch your language. Try not to generalize, use unspecified language or speak for others.
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CONTINUED… Do not be intimidated or provoked into fighting. Show your strength by doing what you know is right. It takes more strength to walk away than to engage in a fight. Walk away. You may realize the conflict is not worth fighting about. You can be proud and show self-confidence by calmly walking away. Some things need time to chill out before resolving.
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