1. RESEARCH ESSAY: FOCUSED PEER REVISIONS English 9 Honors, Mrs. Miller

2. Expectations  Follow directions.  Be thorough. Cover the writer’s paper with helpful comments. Your goal is to help this writer make his or her paper excellent. Imagine your grade is based on this essay’s grade.  Work quietly. At the end of the period, you will have the opportunity to ask questions of people who have edited your paper.

3. Directions  At the top of your paper, number 1 – 4.  Pass your paper following my verbal directions.  When you get a new paper, sign your name to the top of it.  When you see a slide that says “PASS IT,” pass your paper in the same direction you passed the last paper.

4. PASS IT!

5. First Reader – Format and First Impressions  Sign the paper next to the #1.  Check the MLA Formatting- it should look like thisMLA Formatting-  The page number and author’s last name should be in the upper right corner of each page.  There should be a title that is centered and NOT underlined, italicized or written in boldface  Circle the title if it is formatted incorrectly, if it is missing, or if the author has just put “title” or something similar as a placeholder.  Everything should be double spaced and should not have extra space in between lines and paragraphs.

6. Sample paper in MLA format

7. First Reader – Format and First Impressions  Read through the introduction to the essay and do the following:  Comment on these topics (whether they are good or need work): Hook: Are you as a reader interested in reading more? Background: Is it developed enough? Do you feel like you have enough background, history, and information to read this essay, or does it need more? What does it need? Suggestions to add to introduction: a great quotation, an anecdote (short story) about an explorer who sought this thing or someone who claims to have encountered it, a description of the place or something related to it, background and history, etc… Length: Is too much revealed in the opening? Fluency: Does the opening smoothly transition to the thesis, or does it jump from one idea to the next without connections? Write down any questions that you have after reading this introduction. Add any improvements.

8. First Reader – Format and First Impressions  Thesis Statement: Identify and underline this sentence. Check for the following: In the thesis clear? Does it make a point, or is it vague? What could be done to improve the thesis statement, if anything?

9. First Reader – Format and First Impressions  Look at the Works Cited page.  Does it have the author’s last name and page number corresponding to its place in the essay in the upper right hand corner? (If it’s the fourth page, it should be numbered as page 4, etc…) If not, fix it.  Are there at least three sources listed in alphabetical order?  Are the sources double-spaced?

10. Works Cited Sample

11. PASS IT!!!!!

12. Second Reader – Body of Essay  Sign the paper next to the #2.  You’ll be focusing on the body of the essay, but read the underlined thesis statement first to familiarize yourself with it.

13. Second Reader – Body of Essay  Make sure the writer has at least two body paragraphs. If it doesn’t, make a note of that.  Read and label each topic sentence as TS. Does it argue a point? Is it clear from reading the topic sentence what the paragraph will prove? If not, rewrite the topic sentence.

14. Second Reader – Body of Essay  Choose a body paragraph on which to focus. In that body paragraph, label all concrete details CD and all commentary CM.  Are there at least two CD’s in the paragraph? If not, tell the writer to consider adding another CD.  Are there at least two sentences of CM for every CD? If not, tell the writer to expand his or her commentary. Add a suggestion of your own to further develop the CM.  Does EVERY fact, statistic, piece of information (whether quoted or paraphrased) have a citation in parenthesis at the end of the sentence? If not, write, in really obvious capital letters: NEEDS CITATION!!!!!!!!! Then draw a skull and cross bones. PLAGIARISM = FAILURE!!!!!!!!!

15. Second Reader – Body of Essay (Skip)  Transitions: Look for attempts to use transitional words and sentences to introduce and connect ideas. Underline sentences that are used as transitions and label them “transition.”  Look on p. 109 of Writers Inc. Label any transitional words the writer uses.  Find at least one place to add a transitional word or sentence to the paragraph to improve flow in the paragraph.

16. Second Reader – Body of Essay  Read the last sentence or two of the paragraph (CST = Closing sentence and transition). Does this sentence tie together what the paragraph has proven? Does it transition to the next paragraph?  If not, add a CST to the paragraph.

17. Second Reader – Body of Essay  At the end of the essay, write comments on the following:  Does this body paragraph relate to the thesis statement? Is it convincing? Is it thorough? Is there anything that’s confusing or needs clarification?  SIGN YOUR NAME after your comments.

18. PASS IT!!!!!

19. Third Reader – Use of Research  Sign the paper next to the #3.  You’ll concentrate on how effectively the writer has included information from research.

20. Third Reader – Use of Research  Look at quotations – They should be 1-2 sentences at most in a paper this length. Mark quotations that are too lengthy.  Look at paraphrasing – Is the idea clearly stated? Does it sound like the student’s words or another author’s?  Look at blended quotations – Is this a complete thought? If it’s just a fragment, make it a complete idea. Example: “Was believed to be full of gold and riches.” Fix: Atlantis “was believed to be full of gold and riches” (Plato).

21. Third Reader – Use of Research  For each body paragraph, comment on the balance of CDs and CM. Does the writer rely enough on his or her own thoughts, or is the paragraph dominated by quotes and information from research? Tell the writer if he or she needs more CM. Are all ideas supported by one or two pieces of information from research? Tell the writer if he or she needs more CDs.

22. Third Reader – Use of Research  Look at the citations – check the following:  Matching: When you find a citation, is there a works cited entry to match it? Make a check mark by it if there is, a question mark if it’s not on the Works Cited page.  Correct info in citation: Does the writer use whatever the first part of the works cited entry is?  Example Works Cited Entry: Smith, Mark. “History of the Fountain of Youth.” Ponce de Leon’s Fountain of Youth. N.p., n.d. Web. 28. Mar. 2010..  Example in-text citation:  Ponce de Leon believed the Fountain of Youth could be found in what is now known of as Florida (Smith).  Historian Mark Smith wrote in his novel Ponce de Leon’s Fountain of Youth that the fountain could be found in what is now known of as Florida.

23. Third Reader – Use of Research  At the end of the paper, make a comment regarding the following:  Overall, does it seem that the writer uses a sufficient amount of research?  Is one source used far more than the others? Are all sources used?

24. Third Reader – Use of Research  Help your writer omit forms of plagiarism:  Does it appear the writer has copied and pasted material without citing it?  Does it appear that information in paraphrases is not cited? Are pieces of information that sound like they are quotes in quotation marks?  “Plunking” is when writers “plunk” down information in a paragraph without adding commentary; it might seem choppy or disconnected. Label this if you see it – it isn’t plagiarism, but is considered “abuse of a source” (Writers Inc 275).

25. PASS IT!!!!!

26. Fourth Reader - Conclusion  Sign the paper next to the #4.  You’ll be focusing on the essay’s conclusion paragraph.

27. Fourth Reader - Conclusion  Read the paper from beginning to end – you will need to know the content of the rest of the paper before you can understand the usefulness of the conclusion.  As you read, mark anything that is confusing or unclear.

28. Fourth Reader - Conclusion  Now, read the conclusion:  Does it begin with a reminder of what the original thesis is? Compare this to the thesis in the beginning. Underline it and label it “thesis restated.”  Make sure of the following: The conclusion paragraph does not start with something like “In conclusion.” The conclusion paragraph starts with a reminder of the original thesis, not a total restatement – the wording should be different.

29. Fourth Reader - Conclusion  Read the rest of the conclusion paragraph.  Does the writer tie together in 5-8 sentences some of the main points made previously?  Does the writer drive home the purpose of the essay?  Are you as a reader convinced that this argument is solid? What words, information, or ideas need to be added to make this more convincing?  Consider “book ending” the essay with the intro  Make a comment at the end of the paper regarding the overall effectiveness of the essay.

30. PASS IT!!!!! Back to the original owner!

31. ORIGINAL WRITER  Read over your edited essay. On a separate sheet of paper, make a list of the changes you want to make for tomorrow’s class.  Have access to an ELECTRONIC COPY of your revised essay for class tomorrow.

32. ORIGINAL WRITER #1. What positive comments did you get from your editors?

33. ORIGINAL WRITER #2. What constructive criticism did you receive from your editors – in other words, in what other areas do you need to improve?

34. ORIGINAL WRITER #3. Based on the comments you received from your editors, make a list of at least three tasks you will complete to improve your essay.

35. Turn in checklist for Monday  Rubric  Final Draft (Essay with Citations and Works Cited)