1. Somerset Emotion Coaching Project

2. Part 1 Why do we need it? Part 2 What is it? Part 3 How do we do it? Emotion Coaching

3. Feelings Matter Watch this clip: Are you disrespecting me? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zV1zK8zRCPo&feature=channelhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zV1zK8zRCPo&feature=channel (3 min Lauren in the French class) Whilst watching: Identify the feelings going on underneath the behaviour in a) The pupil b) The teacher The importance of a meta-emotion philosophy (Gottman, 1997) Feelings matter

4. Distress Fear Surprise Anger Disgust Joy Innate, hardwired and universal Emotional responses image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

5. Our brains CLIP: https://www.yo utube.com/wat ch?v=gm9CIJ 74Oxw

6. Emotion Coaching helps to build 2 key mechanisms Social Engagement System Ability to interact with others Ability to understand others Ability to make sense of social relationships Ability to enjoy social relationships = Self-regulation of behaviour Stress Regulation System Ability to regulate stress of life Ability to regulate feelings Ability to regulate social engagements Ability to regulate stress of learning = Self-regulation of emotions = Self-regulated learning (Porges, 2011)

7. The root of all behaviour? Watch this clip – The Still Face Experiment https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0 Watch for positive and negative behaviours What were these? Which ones were ‘upstairs’ brain behaviours and which ones were ‘downstairs’ brain behaviours? Look at how this child has begun to develop an effective stress response system by using pro-social behaviours (social engagement system) to help overcome the stress caused by the mother not responding Can you see the root of all behaviour in this clip?

8. Based on research by John Gottman (1997) in America CLIPS - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmsDTT3xgjo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmsDTT3xgjo Research suggests it is a key to happy, resilient, and well-adjusted children and young people Emotion Coaching is helping children and young people to understand the different emotions they experience, why they occur, and how to handle them What is Emotion Coaching?

9. “Much of today’s popular advice ignores the world of emotions. Instead, it relies on child-rearing theories that address the children’s behaviour, but disregard the feelings that underlie that behaviour” (Gottman, 1997) Emotion coaching style

10. 1.Be aware of child’s responses 2.Recognize emotional times as opportunities for intimacy and teaching 3.Listen empathetically and validate child’s feelings 4.Help child to verbally label emotions – Helps sooth the nervous system and recovery rate 5.Set limits while helping child to problem-solve Emotion Coaching: The Five Steps

11. The steps Image courtesy of Kate Cairns

12. Teaching children/ young people about the world of emotion ‘in the moment’ Giving children strategies to deal with ups and downs Accepting all emotions as normal Using moments of undesirable behaviour as opportunities for teaching Building trusting and respectful relationships with children/ young people Emotion coaching involves

13. To empathize To read others’ emotions and social cues To control impulses (Self-sooth and self- regulate) To delay gratification To motivate themselves To cope with life’s ups and downs (Be resilient) To pay attention! Lessons learnt

14. *CLIP - Disapproving Disapproves of negative emotions – Viewed as a sign of weakness, lack of control, unconstructive Lacks empathy, noticeably critical and intolerant Tries to get rid of negative emotions via discipline, reprimand, punishment Focuses on the behaviour rather than the emotions generating the behaviour More likely to view negative emotional displays as a form of manipulation, lack of obedience, sign of bad character Often motivated by need to control and regain power and/ or to ‘toughen up’ child Disapproving style

15. *CLIP – Dismissing Despite good intentions (Wants to make child feel better) but is uncomfortable with negative emotions Views negative emotions as toxic and so must be ‘got over quickly’ Considers paying attention to such emotions will make them worse, prolong them Tries to stop negative emotions by reducing/ minimising/ making light of their importance/ significance e.g. It’s no big deal, don’t worry about it, be a big girl, that’s life, you’ll be fine Often motivated by need to rescue and make things better, fix the problem, e.g. Have a biscuit, I’ll buy a new one, You need to do this Focuses on getting rid of the emotion with logic or distraction rather than understanding the feelings Dismissing style

16. “It works so it must be good!” BUT the actual message is….. What you are feeling is not right, your assessment of the problem is wrong, you must not feel this way Child does not learn to trust own feelings affecting decision-making Not given opportunities to experience emotions and deal with them effectively so grow up unprepared for life’s challenges Not given opportunities to self-regulate or problem-solve Can lead to suppression of natural emotions, less or lack of self- regulation, reliance on distraction to get rid of emotion Generates more negative feelings - Resentment, guilt, shame, anger What we think about disapproving/ dismissing messages sent to child

17. *CLIP – Emotion Coaching We all have feelings and need to recognize them in ourselves as well as others We are not alone and we are accepted, supported, valid, cared about, understood, trustworthy and respected – This is then returned We are empowered and it’s safe to engage in problem- solving All feelings are normal but need to be regulated and expressed constructively Problems and conflicts can be resolved peacefully! Emotion coaching messages

18. In pairs, look at each scenario on the Activity 4 handout and select those responses which reflect an Emotion Coaching response You can select more than one response Which aspects reflect a Dismissing or Disapproving response? Activity: What would an emotion coach do?

19. Recognise all emotions as being natural and normal and not always a matter of choice Recognise behaviour as communication (Relational vs Behavioural Model) Look for physical and verbal signs of the emotion being felt Take on the child’s perspective (Mentalising/ Mind-mindedness) Use words to reflect back child’s emotion and help child/ young person to label emotion Affirm and empathise, allowing to calm down Provide a narrative/translation for the emotional experience (creating cognitive links ) Steps 1-4: Empathise, validate and label

20. ‘You seem to be feeling angry. I would feel angry if that happened to me. It’s normal to feel like that.’ ‘I can see you’re frowning and I’m wonderful if you’re feeling anxious.‘ ‘I think that something’s not quite right – can you tell me about it…’ ‘You look a bit fed up…’ ‘It’s normal to feel like this.’ ‘What does your body feel like now?’ Steps 1-4: Examples Emotion coaching scripts

21. State the boundary limits of acceptable behaviour Make it clear certain behaviours cannot be accepted But retain the child’s self-dignity (Crucial for responsive behaviour and well-being ) Step 5 Setting limits (If needed)

22. ‘These are the rules that we have to follow. Doing that is not ok.’ ‘We can’t behave like that even though you are feeling annoyed because it is not safe.’ ‘Behaving like that is not helpful…’ ‘This is not what we do’ Emotion coaching scripts Step 5: Examples

23. When the child is calm and in a relaxed, rational state: – Explore the feelings that give rise to the behavior/problem/incident – Scaffold alternative ideas and actions that could lead to more appropriate and productive outcomes – Empower the child to believe s/he can overcome difficulties and manage feelings/behaviour Step 5: Problem-solving with the child

24. ‘How were you feeling when that happened’ ‘Next time you’re feeling like this, what could you do? How do you think you will react next time or if this happens again.’ ‘What might help you calm down next time you feel like this?’ ‘You need to decide what to do about this’ ‘I can help you to think of a different way to cope’ ‘What can you do next time that would be more helpful for you and others’ Emotion coaching scripts Step 5: Examples

25. KNOWING WHAT TO SAY Choose a scenario and work out what you would say for each step – Making scripts Activity: Making scripts

26. Achieve more academically in school Are more popular Have fewer behavioural problems Have fewer infectious illnesses Are more emotionally stable Are more resilient (Gottman et al, 1997) Emotion coached children

27. Proportion of positive to negative responses on Exit Questionnaire by conceptual relevance “it provides consistency and scaffolding to structure the way to deal with behaviour, from the adult’s point of view as well as the child’s”. “It helps us cool down while we collect our thoughts and I now shout less!”, “It gives them (the children) choices and a way out of a difficult situation without confrontation”. (Rose et al, 2015)

28. Case Study Secondary School Behaviour n= 1350 (Rose et al, 2015)

29. Safeguarding Safeguarding is the golden thread through all work in children and young people’s services Be mindful of the risks posed, particularly in schools, in managing safe discussions as emotions are more openly discussed Be mindful that in opening up discussions with professionals, parents, children and young people about emotions, there may be disclosures All those undertaking Emotion Coaching are assumed to have undertaken statutory safeguarding training as part of their work with C&YP, to know who their organisation’s safeguarding lead is and how to contact them